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10 years since I started lurking on here

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pink carnation posted 1/8/2020 16:15 PM

This is the time of year when it all went to heck-a-doodle-doo.... I feel happy to be past it.

Not sure if any old-timers remember me, but I have had a very unexpected wave of grief hit me from NO WHERE.

I am super glad to have my new life, but my mind sometimes (especially at this time of year) tries to reconcile who I was vs. who I am now.

Just wanted to share this with a fine set of folks who have been where I have. I tried to explain it to a family member, and they did NOT get it at all.

Oh well.

Cheers to all!

DragnHeart posted 1/8/2020 16:25 PM


I remember you.

I'm sorry the grief has struck you but yes. I understand as I imagine many here do.

You've been heard.

pink carnation posted 1/8/2020 16:31 PM

Well, HELLO!!!

I will be fine. It just surprised me a little.

Thanks for hearing me.

OrdinaryDude posted 1/8/2020 16:35 PM

LosferWords posted 1/8/2020 17:15 PM

Hi, pink carnation! I remember you, and I totally get you. Been over nine years for me now, but I still get pangs around certain dates, especially the holidays. Nothing like it was in the first few years, though. In the process of moving on, myself, and things can only get better from here. Good to hear from you.

Chrysalis123 posted 1/8/2020 18:18 PM

Hi! Welcome back. I think this is pretty common. I'm sorry you are feeling grief.

MalibuBayBreeze posted 1/8/2020 18:42 PM

I am super glad to have my new life, but my mind sometimes (especially at this time of year) tries to reconcile who I was vs. who I am now.

I understand the feeling of loss of who you were prior. For me, I have embraced the changes that have occurred in me the past 4 years. I'm no longer that quiet little wall flower. I speak my mind in all situations and wish I had always been that way because perhaps I wouldn't be in this situation.

But what I do miss is my belief in love and marriage. I roll my eyes and sigh at it all now and I was the biggest hopeless romantic. No more. That woman has left the building.


PinkJeepLady posted 1/8/2020 18:45 PM

I also remember you and hear you! Itís weird isnít it? Especially after all these years ......sigh

May I ask how you are coping with these feelings? The 4 women IRL who know all about it were supportive but we basically quit talking about it after a few months - they just didnít understand the depth of what I was going through.

I hope otherwise you are doing well! Good to hear from you.

gonnabe2016 posted 1/8/2020 19:28 PM

Hard to forget the one who brought us 'GlitterPig'

Grief may recede but I don't think it ever goes away completely -- thus, having it drop on you like a ton of bricks every once in a while, completely out of the blue.

hopefull77 posted 1/9/2020 00:58 AM

Hi pink carnation! I remember you as well. Especially after the loss of DS...
Who I am now vs who I was "before"...I am happy and I am OK...but even 7 years out I know I will never forget the moment my life changed from something I believed to something unbelievable.
And I am thankful for people like you all who understand...whether it was 2 years ago or 10.

Good to hear from you!

cantaccept posted 1/9/2020 06:46 AM

I remember you also. I also understand. So many years and it still has an effect on me.

Nice to hear from you.

pink carnation posted 1/9/2020 08:19 AM

Hi all! Oh yes, Glitterpig. LOL I believe you can Google that and our discussions of her and my XWH come up.

I understand about the people IRL having almost an unspoken expiration date on talking it out. I think I have reached that with a few people I occasionally reach out to. ON THIS wave of grief, I have reasoned out that it is most certainly something of a milestone... 10 years.

It may also be that I have had to take XH back to court and get supervised visitations after a BUNCH O WEIRDNESS happened this past summer with my two remaining girls. The 15 no longer has to see him, my ASD 12, almost 13 year old one still wanted to give him a chance. The woman he is married to now makes me miss Glitterpig, lots. I call her Mother Ginger and Lady Tremaine, to my husband and friends.

Anywhooooo, I knew you guys would get it! BIG HUGS!

Lalagirl posted 1/9/2020 09:36 AM

Hi Pink! Glad to "see" you!

Almost 13 years out and certain "seasons" also send those grief waves every now and again, but it's much easier to get through those feelings now.

It may also be that I have had to take XH back to court and get supervised visitations after a BUNCH O WEIRDNESS happened this past summer with my two remaining girls.

Oh, I'm sure this definitely brought out some of those feelings. ((((pink))))

pink carnation posted 1/9/2020 10:44 AM

Isn't it fantastic that we can come on here to our little community of understanding, even after many years, and say our weird feelings- and people get it? Strange and wonderful club.

sisoon posted 1/9/2020 10:51 AM

Me, too - I remember you.

I'm sorry you're grieving. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all....

thatbpguy posted 1/9/2020 10:57 AM

I just looked up glitterpig on Google. Hilarious.

HFSSC posted 1/9/2020 11:15 AM

Hey Pink!!!!!!!!
Girl, you know you can reach out to me anytime and I understand exactly where you are.

Also gotta T/J and say

Hey Gonnabe2016!!!!!! Dang, it's been a long time since I've seen you here.

pink carnation posted 1/9/2020 11:55 AM

Yep, Glitterpig and that whole period of laughable insanity is worth a Google. It was real time. I ran a mini-CIA office out of my house back then. I do not miss that.

I am much better today. REALLY glad to have you guys.

I think my triggers boiled down to this:

1. Time of year

2. 10 year anniversary of the crapola

3. Having to take him to court again

4. His newest wife is verifiably a NPD and is actively doing a great job at trying to smear campaign me with my own kids.... hence the supervised visits, CRAZY WOMAN-----I will tell my own kids how insane I am, thanks.

5. Military troops deploying en masse, remember I worked for the military, was a military child, and was a military spouse for 20 years, through 11 deployments.... UGH.

I think that is about it. :)

allusions posted 1/9/2020 14:49 PM

Hi pink! I remember you!

I googled glitter pig and found some facebook pages, etsy stuff, a rock band, a Christmas ornament on Amazon.....oh, there it is...hehehehe.

Yes, it's not unusual for emotions to crop up unexpectedly years later, especially around the anniversary of the event. The angle of the sunlight, the weather, similar events not even related to the affair or trauma, can trigger emotional memories.

pink carnation posted 1/9/2020 15:14 PM

HI! Sorry, ya gotta Google "Glitterpig" as one word, and sometimes put survivinginfidelity also... THEN it comes up.

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