SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

KingofNothing posted 3/26/2020 15:44 PM

My thoughts I portray on this board have been me "letting loose" and have much remained thoughts. A lot of my "revenge" fantasies will remain that...a fantasy. Because I know what you say is true.

One of the most enduring lessons I learned out of the whole process is that even when you are the wronged person, the victim of cheating, the world is often not on your side. Sometimes, your exW just sails off into the sunset, having a wonderful time badmouthing you as the cause of all her cheating, she left you for your abusive and controlling behavior, and blah de blah bullshit. That's the hardest thing to let go of, because it keeps the anger going for so long. I had trouble with this. All I can say is, work towards the blessing of indifference. This isn't going to happen overnight, but there may come a day when your wife just doesn't bother you any more. You can't control what she says or does.. she's an adult and makes her own choices. You can only choose what you do.

Marz posted 3/26/2020 16:05 PM

^^^^^ things aren’t necessarily fair in life. It’s how you deal with it.

Waywards don’t all wake up or come back. That is a myth.

Good luck

Anotheron3 posted 3/26/2020 16:37 PM

I do understand the reality of the situation. As much as I want a happy ending for everyone, I know the truth of the matter.

I don't anticipate she'll come back, I anticipate this to be a long hard journey for myself to move on.

Newlifeisgreat posted 3/26/2020 19:11 PM

Unfortunately you may be right. But take comfort in the fact that supposedly only 3% of relationships that start out as affairs last a long time.
When reality hits her, she may be a mess.

When it hit my wife, just a few weeks after she was served, she was repeatedly admitted to a psych hospital.

Anotheron3 posted 3/27/2020 00:43 AM

When reality hits her, she may be a mess.

When it hit my wife, just a few weeks after she was served, she was repeatedly admitted to a psych hospital.

Newlifeisgreat posted 3/27/2020 01:08 AM

Nope, none

Buffer posted 3/27/2020 04:47 AM

Strength brother, you have handled this as good as you could.
One day at a time
Buffer

Anotheron3 posted 3/30/2020 13:27 PM

We signed our final papers this weekend. She now begins to feel everything and hopes for a future with me still. Things are just so badly broken that she doesn't have the courage or strength to face it. It took a D for her to see things the way they are unfortunately. I am not going back. For the first time in a long time...I feel free.

Robert22205https posted 3/30/2020 14:44 PM

Congrats for exiting infidelity. Give yourself time to explore and decide what to do not.

The1stWife posted 3/30/2020 15:31 PM

Just remember not to take her affair personally. She didn’t choose to cheat on you. She chose to cheat despite you.

She’s got her own issues. NoThing to do with you. Which is good to know because it makes it easier to move on.

Yes she hurt you and made some bad decisions. And she chose to compound her bad decisions. While she may convince herself the marriage is “over” and that’s why she cheated, we all know mature adults wouldn’t and don’t handle things like that.

There is no excuse for cheating. Too bad she doesn’t get it. And never will.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 3:32 PM, March 30th (Monday)]

Dismayed2012 posted 3/30/2020 17:18 PM

"She now begins to feel everything and hopes for a future with me still."

Yet she's still f'ing the other man? How does that work exactly? She hopes for a future with you in a one-way open marriage? Thank God you divorced her. The load is lifted and you have your freedom. Please never pick that type of woman again. I wish the best for you.

Marz posted 3/30/2020 17:34 PM

She now begins to feel everything and hopes for a future with me still.

Sounds like the “friends” thingy.

Stinger posted 3/30/2020 17:53 PM

Congrats. You are well rid of this wretch.

goalong posted 3/30/2020 17:57 PM

May be she is sensing you are sill fragile and want to have all avenues open as typical of self centered people. Any wavering or keeping friendship /contact may end up in pain shopping for you. Just think of the callousness in the way she ask whether you want to rebuild and then went to OM. If you sponsor her in any of her studies etc you can make a claim if you want

[This message edited by goalong at 6:00 PM, March 30th (Monday)]

fareast posted 3/30/2020 18:18 PM

I am glad you finally feel free. The1stWife stated it very well.
She cheated because of her own issues and lack of integrity. Not because of you. She is very immature and spoiled. She may never get it. But she is no longer your problem. Good luck.

Buffer posted 3/30/2020 19:20 PM

Brother the First Wife hit he nail on the head. Her conscious decision to cheat. However with POS I wouldn’t be friends. Stuff the relationship with WW nuke him. He is just as bad as her taking advantage of the situation.
Buffer

[This message edited by Buffer at 1:44 AM, March 31st (Tuesday)]

Anotheron3 posted 3/31/2020 10:59 AM

Yet she's still f'ing the other man? How does that work exactly? She hopes for a future with you in a one-way open marriage? Thank God you divorced her. The load is lifted and you have your freedom. Please never pick that type of woman again. I wish the best for you.

Sounds like the “friends” thingy.

I don't know what she's thinking. She was hoping that after the D, maybe we'd find our way back to each other (nope).

She asked me if I'd ever want to get married again. I looked at her without hesitation and said "definitely." Which stunned her. She was saying how she will always consider me her "only" husband, and can't expect I feel the same about her. She's finding solace the best she can get is being my "1st wife."

I'm very hopeful and am feeling strangely happy. It's weird...in a good way. Freedom from infidelity is great!

[This message edited by Anotheron3 at 11:00 AM, March 31st (Tuesday)]

Marz posted 3/31/2020 12:21 PM

No contact is your friend.

It only works if you fully apply it.

Newlifeisgreat posted 3/31/2020 12:33 PM

If everything is signed and just waiting for a judge to sign off, there is ZERO benefit to you in communicating with her.

Congratulations
Enjoy your new life

And now that you are free, remember the old saying...
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone (meant to be a joke)

Continue to hang strong

You should be proud of how you handled yourself

Butforthegrace posted 3/31/2020 12:47 PM

She asked me if I'd ever want to get married again.

Here is your reply: "Yes, absolutely. I would like to know what it feels like to be truly loved by a woman of quality. I wouldn't want to end my life without experiencing love."