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After 27 years, she is love of his life

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ohsospecial posted 1/26/2020 09:17 AM

GF, I hope youíll feel empowered once youíve seen the lawyer. Please be sure to mention that your husband says heís had so many affairs he wonít even tell you.

You mentioned you wish you knew when things went off the rails. Iíll tell you: the first affair he had. Apparently, that was many years ago, and heís been an expert liar all this time.

((GF)) Keep us posted.

MtVernon posted 1/26/2020 12:32 PM

take care of yourself. He made this decision. Hold your chin high, check the legalities on moving out and move forward.

It is horrible that 27 years have been wasted on a facade. You still have along life to live and days will be better off without a serial cheat in your life

Buffer posted 1/26/2020 12:40 PM

^^^^^^^ What Mt Vernon says^^^^^^
Buffer

Hurtmyheart posted 1/26/2020 15:16 PM

Your WH is gross, after being with multiple women. I can not imagine you would ever be able to trust him again.

I can't wait for him to squirm when you don't return calls, text messages or any responses to him, unless through your lawyer. Remember, no new contacts equals
no new hurts. Keep your contact very limited with him, less is better.

Again, take care of yourself. This statement is very important. Go to the gym, eat healthy food, drink lots of water. You can also rely on protein drinks if you find that you are losing too much weight.

This trama that you are experiencing I'm pretty sure will be the worse you will ever experience in your life but you will get through this, one day at a time. You will get through this and come out stronger than ever! I know it's hard to believe right now but it's true.

gettingfierce posted 1/28/2020 20:53 PM

We are human, we aren't perfect. Your partner could have told you at any point that something you were doing was bothersome. He didn't.

Oh, he told me alright. I knew that there were things that got on his nerves, but I never dreamed that he'd have multiple affairs and leave me for a POS. I wish I would have done some things differently and been a better wife. I guess I'll never know if it would have made any difference.

Keep your contact very limited with him, less is better.

I'm trying, but it's hard. He texted that we need to talk today. I asked him why. He responded that this is dragging out too long. I couldn't resist telling him that cheating on me for years was too long. He wants me to make snap decisions about my future, so he and POSOW can get on with their lives. Fuck that.

He then went on to say that he's considering walking away from the house, but he wants half of the profits whenever I decide to sell. I'm not sure how that would work if I take over the mortgage payments and his name is still on the house. Of course, I'm going to run this by a lawyer, but does anyone have experience with a scenario like this?

I'm not thinking clearly. I don't know if I even want to stay in the house. Should I just hurry up and make some decisions already, or is it normal to want some time to process all of this and think through my options? I have a feeling I'm just delaying the inevitable with denial. He hasn't even been moved out of the house for a whole month yet, and I still feel like this isn't real.

gettingfierce posted 1/28/2020 21:19 PM

Iím just saying it is possible your H may decide to come back. You need to be prepared for that. Itís not an easy road. It takes commitment in both parties. And forgiveness. And acceptance. And patience. And a boatload if work on his part to prove he really wants the marriage.

He has made it abundantly clear that he does not want our marriage. In my wildest dreams, if he ever came back and begged for forgiveness, I don't think I could ever forgive him or trust him again after cheating on me with multiple women for at least 4 years. As much as I would want to. Sigh. POSOW is rich and has more to offer him. For the life of me, I don't see what he sees in her besides money. She looks so fake with overdone collagen lips, Botox, boob job, caked-on makeup raccoon eyes, and so on. I just remember WH being such an earnest, down to earth, good guy who would never have been attracted to a woman like that. Even though he was a big sports hero in a small town, he always said he was attracted to the nerdy, smart brown-haired girl more than the blond fake bimbo, but that's exactly what he left me for. Did he change, or did I never really know him at all?

thatbpguy posted 1/28/2020 21:53 PM

Did he change, or did I never really know him at all?

Just a guess, but he got lazy. Why work when he can be supported by a whore? You were easy to jettison as he has several times before.

fareast posted 1/28/2020 22:02 PM

GF:

Sorry, but this guy has been lying to you for years and cheating behind your back. Total selfishness and egotistical to the max. I know this is devastating right now, but good riddance to this loser. Bottom line: he failed you as a H and as a human being. He gave up his morals and integrity to pursue his basest instincts. Sad.

Do not be rushed into any decisions. Take your time. Seek information and counsel before making any decisions on the house or anything else. Whatís the hurry? He can just sit around and let the OW pay for everything. I think as you process the emotional trauma and gain your footing, you will see what a pathetic person he is. Tell well meaning friends you have no interest in learning more. You are moving on. No contact= no new hurts. He can put every communication in an email or go through your attorney. There is n9 need to chit chat. Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 10:16 PM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

Ginny posted 1/29/2020 04:55 AM

Gently...

Do not be pushed into rushing things.

Only work through your lawyer.

This man no longer has your best interest at heart.

Shehawk posted 1/29/2020 17:52 PM

I am in the " infidelity is severe abuse" camp. I personally believe that therapists who suggested I did something to cause my can't be ex soon enough to cheat are actually co-abusers.
I also believe that when a spouse opens a marriage without enthusiastic consent then that causes the unsuspecting partner to have non consensual sex.

I know three good people who are now having std testing for incurable things because of my Cheating Husband and his Other Woman. And one of those people is unfortunately me.

Shehawk posted 1/29/2020 17:54 PM

PS I regret every benefit.of.the doubt I gave him. I regret every chance I forfeited to protect myself. And every second I did not hire the best lawyer I could. I also regret not leaving immediately. That is, however, just me and what would have been right for me is not best for others.

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