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Reverse Trigger and a Fight

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cainsite posted 1/27/2020 15:44 PM

So my WW shared this picture from a facebook post with me.
Obviously this Triggered my Wife because she could visualize having her face on this banner.
She wanted me to agree with her that is was wrong.
I'm am sure other betrayed spouses here can imaging what my response was.

She said she would sue it that happened to her.
I told her it can only be slander or defamation if it was Not True. If this is true there is no recourse.

This shook her up I think, and made her realize in her fucked up mental gymnastics head that:
1) Yeah, you are what you are.
2) You did what you did

You can't defend it.
But she still was trying to defend the woman in the picture. Fucked up, huh?

MickeyBill2016 posted 1/27/2020 15:59 PM

While I am not a big fan of public shaming, actions have consequences...

sorryforeverythi posted 1/27/2020 16:29 PM

So I am confused, why is your wife mad? The public shaming of the piece or the fact that this person isn't blaming the spouse that had the affair but the OW? I guess i could see part of it but since the affair was your wife's fault would she have rather seen her face on there letting the world know that she was a cheater? Or is she just looking for validation from you that cheating while wrong should be acceptable?

The1stWife posted 1/27/2020 16:44 PM

Good one.

cainsite posted 1/27/2020 16:46 PM


My Cheating wife showed me this and was like "Can you believe someone would do this?"

I was like yeah, good, if she did it she deserved to have her face out there! Obviously she participated in ruining somebody's life and family. Consequences!

And the fight started from there.

longsadstory1952 posted 1/27/2020 17:22 PM

Ah yes. Another cheating wife who views her A as different. Cuz ya know, why not?

JS84 posted 1/27/2020 17:25 PM

Another one who doesn't really care much for public shaming but at the same time have 0 sympathy.

Cain you never updated us in your main thread with what's going on with you and your wife.

thatbpguy posted 1/27/2020 17:36 PM

I love it!!

A great idea. Should have her last name on it as well.

Trapped74 posted 1/27/2020 17:45 PM

Where can I get one of those made??

Snapdragon posted 1/27/2020 17:51 PM

I'm sorry that this triggered a fight between you two. Clearly, your WW believes that her bad choices should be closeted and she gets to maintain her reputation and not suffer the full consequences. I suppose I would feel the same way if I were in her shoes. At first, at least, while in defensive and justification mode. Eventually that has to stop and a good hard look at myself would be required if I were to become a better person.

Personally, I believe there should be a LOT more public shaming for infidelity! It might make people think twice hence their neighbors, church, school, colleagues, etc. know their true selves. I personally believe that if you can betray your spouse you would have even less hesitation to betray those with whom you have a lesser commitment. If a cheater worked for me I would wonder if their timesheet was honest, if the facts in their report were true, if they were figuring out ways to defraud my business. You get the idea. If I found out my neighbor was a cheater I'd wonder if they were the one that stole my garden hose or the package off my porch. After all, they had no problem betraying their spouse. Who am I? Just a neighbor.

Newlifeisgreat posted 1/27/2020 20:24 PM

Great job to the woman that had the sign made!!!

What has your ww said since the fight?
Was her AP married?

SMSA925 posted 1/27/2020 23:08 PM

Hannah got caught putting her lady parts in the middle of someone elses marriage. Hannah is a stupid bitch. Dont be a Hannah!

faithfulman posted 1/27/2020 23:28 PM

Don't accept your wife's "fight".

Her opinion on this subject is invalid.

jb3199 posted 1/28/2020 06:39 AM

Think that your wife would have even mentioned this photo if she never cheated?

Would she have been a justice warrior for Hannah?

cocoplus5nuts posted 1/28/2020 07:44 AM

Love it! I agree that there should be more public shaming of adults for their bad behavior. I considered putting up flyers of the OW early after dday. I didn't because it could've affected my H's career, and my and my children's livelihood by extension. I did tell the people I knew who knew her. If the OBS had done that to my H and he got upset, I would've laughed in my H's face.🤷‍♀️

As to your CW being upset by it, yeah, consequences...

It's funny how shocked CPs are when they have to face consequences for their actions.

ShatteredSakura posted 1/28/2020 08:15 AM

They don't want consequences, they want it to be that we weren't compatible, or couldn't make it work, or things "just didn't work out" and act like it was a regular break up. Or worse it was a "rough patch" and rugsweep.

I'm all for public shaming for infidelity because cheating hurts innocents. It's like a shop putting up bounced checks from customers.

I view the AP as predatory in my case. Yeah, WW has low moral fiber and may have done this with other people, but he was there tempting her day after day. We're all flawed, and we do give into temptation sometimes. The best thing is to push away the temptation and that's where WW failed, but when the AP is relentless and doesn't listen, bad things happen...

What burns me up is his social group and religious community are thrilled they are together now. Most I think thought it was just a simple breakup and have no idea what those two did to another person (me). Maybe I should put up posters won't affect his job or anything, but it will be a bit of justice for me that people know the truth that he is a predator and a scum bag. WW will screech and be humiliated but she'll get a taste of her own medicine IMO. All those freaking times I was humiliated because she showed up to places acting like a couple with that scumbag.

If there should be any sort of justice, it should be for the person who had their life thrown into disarray because of the affair.

People who defend the AP being shamed in this I think are covering for their own transgressions.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 8:24 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

Mizzbak posted 1/28/2020 08:29 AM

Your wife is still focused on what other people might think about what she did. As though that is the sum total of her shame. So, as long as not too many people know about the A, she thinks that she doesn't have to feel that ashamed. Doesn't have to face it.

I think true growth only happens when someone faces up to what they did and works through their own shame about it. And no banner will affect that in any way. My mom used to say - "You'll always know what you did, even if no-one else finds out". And paraphrasing wise words written to me on another site - when you break your promises, you might hurt others, but mostly you hurt yourself.

As long as your wife avoids facing up to what she did within herself, this will be her worst nightmare - everyone else knowing what she did.

[This message edited by Mizzbak at 8:32 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

Newlifeisgreat posted 1/28/2020 09:09 AM

What did she say in the fight????

cainsite posted 1/28/2020 10:04 AM

Cain you never updated us in your main thread with what's going on with you and your wife.

I will post an update soon.

What has your ww said since the fight?
Was her AP married?

Yes, he was married. Not his first affair. He is a real piece of shit. Doing a great job of wrecking his own home. I feel sorry for his wife and kids.

Think that your wife would have even mentioned this photo if she never cheated?

Would she have been a justice warrior for Hannah?

No, like I said she is definitely projecting herself into "Hannah's shoes". She is still being selfish and showing regret over remorse.

What did she say in the fight????

That she felt bad for the girl in the picture. Because there are two sides to every story. That she would be hurt if someone did that to her. That she would sue for ruining her "reputation"

I put her in check by sarcastically recommending that if she feels strongly about it to start a Facebook group to "Advocate for Cheaters Rights"
At that point she admitted that she was wrong.

Like I said, "fucked up mental gymnastics"
My wife does not want to see herself as a "Bad person" or own her "Character flaws"

She has regret and guilt.
But not remorse and shame.

[This message edited by cainsite at 10:07 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]

DoinBettr posted 1/28/2020 10:12 AM

You should ask her why she doesn't feel pity for the people hurt and instead only sees the shame of this girl?
She sees the pain of the surgeon who took a child's life by operating drunk, but is mad at the family who now are without their kid.
Just a nice analogy with hurt all around and the required shame of the surgeon.

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