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W cheated, wants D and is trying to ruin my life

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The1stWife posted 2/1/2020 11:37 AM

We had a horrific incident in my town. A known Alcoholic drive drink and almost killed a neighbor. Everyone on the block reported her. Police knew but could never catch her in the act of drinking and driving. She was divorced due to her alcoholism and that never seem to stop her.

In your case I am suggesting you need to get the police involved and start documenting every incident where she is driving and has a blood alcohol content that shows she’s intoxicated. If she’s driving with your children in the car she will be facing a jail sentence.

You are lucky she has not already had a serious accident where in she killed someone or your children were in the car with her. You need to get an attorney and you need to get a plan in place to get this to stop because it is quite possible that driving while she’s “hung over“ – she’s legally drunk.

If she’s driving one of your vehicles you could lose everything in a lawsuit.

Thumos posted 2/1/2020 11:45 AM

She is a good mother but like I said , the alcohol and mental instability is a big concern.

She is not a good mother. At all. Good mother’s don’t whore around, drive their kids around drunk, spew profanity laced lectures round the house or abuse the father of their children.

beenthereinco posted 2/1/2020 13:32 PM

She is a good mother but like I said , the alcohol and mental instability is a big concern.

She is not a good mother. At all. Good mother’s don’t whore around, drive their kids around drunk, spew profanity laced lectures round the house or abuse the father of their children.

Absolutely this. We see this all the time on here both for men and women. The BS says "He/She is a good parent." But really no they are not. They might be engaged with their children, involved, a good listener to them, firm and fair on discipline, etc. But they are doing things that will profoundly effect the lives of their kids in a negative manner. They choose to do these things daily. This is not a good parent. She is putting her own desire ahead of the needs of her children. This is not the behavior of a good parent. You need to see this. It will help you knock her off the pedestal you have her on there.

squid posted 2/1/2020 17:40 PM

Paul,

I texted her friend and asked how much she drank she said “just a few” . I have screen shot of text . I have records and notes of every drunken , violent incident . She has also destroyed my property including my Xbox . I have receipt of repair . If I pursue more then 50/50 it’s not bc of revenge .I want her to see the kids but I believe it is not in their best interest for 50/50 at this time . What are my chances with a good lawyer ?

I don't know how easy it would be to negotiate for more custody. But the fact that she has a DUI and you can maybe show that her behavior has not changed could be good arguing points that your attorney can make for your case. Consult your attorney for sure.

Be sure that if she catches wind of this she will try and turn it on you claiming your the unfit parent. This is why we suggest you carry a voice activated recorder on you at all times. Put in your pocket in a jacket you like to wear around the house. All she'd have to do is provoke and prod you until you raised your voice or even raised a hand at her. Then she could claim how unstable you are.

Be cool as ice. If she starts an argument, casually walk away and go to your safe space in the house (office, bedroom, garage, etc.) or just take a walk.

You've got this.

Thatsnotlove posted 2/3/2020 09:57 AM

Dear Paul.84. I am so sorry you are going through this. One thing really stood out to me and I think is extremely serious to consider. She is not fit to have any custody while she is using alcohol because she will drive with them and potentially kill them. They are much too valuable. Since she also is abusive verbally and physically, this is huge. I would speak with social services and make sure her visits are supervised visits. This hopefully will wake her up to serious change. Many alcoholics mess up the lives of their children. Her demons do not sound controlled. I hope you find the strength you need. We believe in you.

Cooley2here posted 2/3/2020 10:35 AM

When you go to court you need to be very clear about her drinking. If she’s drinking every weekend she does not need the children any weekend. This needs to be so clear with the judge that the court order specifies exactly when she can have the children. The court order should also state that they can contact you if she’s drinking when they are with her and you have the courts permission to go pick them up. You need to be very very clear that she’s had a DUI and this is the kind of behavior continues.
You need out of this marriage yesterday. You also need to go to Al-Anon. That’s the best place in the world to help you understand what you can and cannot do to control things. You need to let go. Your only concern right now should be the safety of your children.

Paul84 posted 2/6/2020 10:40 AM

Thanks again for the help . In the past couple days she gave me an ultimatum . (Shocking considering she had the affair) . She said we sell our house , get separate apartments and work on the marriage , or else she is filing . I nearly bursted out laughing but kept my composure. I said I’ll think about it just to see how it played out , but I knew there is no way I’ll be selling the family home or making any financial decisions until a judge orders me to . It seems the D has become an enjoyable project for her , a sort of manic split that has taken over. She says i should get a lawyer bc she wants 60/40 custody . Looks like it’s going to get ugly

Westway posted 2/6/2020 11:09 AM

She has agreed to 50/50 custody . But I am not sure I think that is acceptable with her alcohol / mental issues . I know the kids need their mother but if she has them half the time I will be worried. She is a good mother but like I said , the alcohol and mental instability is a big concern. Starting out with 50/50 will likely be the best option to avoid thousands in attorneys fees.

Thanks again for the help . In the past couple days she gave me an ultimatum . (Shocking considering she had the affair) . She said we sell our house , get separate apartments and work on the marriage , or else she is filing . I nearly bursted out laughing but kept my composure. I said I’ll think about it just to see how it played out , but I knew there is no way I’ll be selling the family home or making any financial decisions until a judge orders me to . It seems the D has become an enjoyable project for her , a sort of manic split that has taken over. She says i should get a lawyer bc she wants 60/40 custody . Looks like it’s going to get ugly

First off I'm sorry you are here and I am sorry you are married to a piece of shit.

My biggest advice to you is stop negotiating the divorce with her. As in now. Negotiations should only take place between your lawyers. She has no intention whatsoever in following through with any agreement you two make privately. Just stop listening to her and stop negotiating. You are wasting your time.

You need a shark lawyer. Someone who will ask high and negotiate down, and will have no qualms about taking her in that courtroom and ripping her apart in front of the judge with the alcoholism, DUI and abuse claims.

Your WW is a drunk and a bully. She needs a legal ass-whooping. I twill server her right and teach her a lesson.

[This message edited by Westway at 11:10 AM, February 6th (Thursday)]

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