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Lifeexploded posted 2/11/2020 19:21 PM

I am not sure why but my sawh seems to be preoccupied with how i fix my hair or how much makeup I wear. For a couple of examples:

Yesterday I put my hair up in a high ponytail which I very rarely do. He said "i noticed you fixed your hair differently." I just said "yep".

Then today he asked if was wearing makeup. I told him just mascara and eyeliner. He commented that it looked like I was wearing powder. I asked why it matters and he said he "was just asking".

In neither of these scenarios was he giving me a compliment. I feel like he is fishing for reason to believe that I am trying to look nice for someone else but I cant figure out if i am reading more into it as ai am suspicious of him because he himself has been acting out lately.

The other thing I thought was odd is that he specifically asked if I was wearing powder and I researched best powder foundation for acne today on my phone so now Im paranoid that he is somehow spying on my phone.


[This message edited by Lifeexploded at 7:22 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

ibonnie posted 2/11/2020 19:37 PM

My first thought was that he's wondering who you're trying to look nice for, or where you're going that he doesn't know about.

But... why be suspicious? Unless he's projecting?

Somber posted 2/11/2020 19:43 PM

My WH has done the same thing many times. I always felt like he was implying I was looking nice for someone else. It was never a compliment but came off as an accusation. Itís best to ignore it. It comes from their own insecurities not from something we have done. It has also felt like a distraction at times too...from what, who knows!
He could have searched your phone, but I am sure you have nothing to hide anyways! My husband would also accuse me of hiding my cell, etc...I never have and I am not the unfaithful one so I really would have no need too.
I would call this projection of some sort I think.

tushnurse posted 2/11/2020 19:52 PM

Sounds like projection.
Ignore it.
Test him though do another search and even wear what you search like a nice new Brighton necklace? Or some new makeup or even a new pair of shoes then buy something not the same brand and see of you nail him.
Its important to know of he is tapped into your phone or following your searches.

ChamomileTea posted 2/11/2020 20:00 PM

I've never had a man ask me about powder before. So yeah, if you were looking it up and he happened to ask about it on the same day, I would guess that he's monitoring you. You need people more tech savvy than me to say how. I never give my phone number to whatever online apps or search engines I'm using, and somehow the history pops up whether I'm using my phone or my laptop.

Lifeexploded posted 2/11/2020 20:17 PM

Ok, I am not crazy then. Thanks. No, he has no reason to suspect me. I have never cheated or even remotely come close to it and I won't. He must be projecting.

Interesting idea on the testing him. I will have to think about that.

I did install Avast Mobile Security but it did not find anything. I would love some help from some techy peeps if you are reading!

marriageredux959 posted 2/11/2020 20:59 PM

All of the above.
I'm feeling evil tonight, so my response is, "WEAR MORE." LOL.
I would further add, work on the smoky eye and scarlet red lips.
For some reason, nude lips also work, especially with the smoky eye.
Also, it's time to find your killer signature fragrance. You'll know it's yours when strangers compliment you and ask you for the name. (Yes, it happens for me, regularly.)

skeetermooch posted 2/11/2020 21:15 PM

I believe if you do a complete reset on your phone you can rid it of any spyware - that's if you're willing to reload whatever you have on your phone.

This is definitely projection - my STBX comments on my makeup, hair and clothes constantly.

DragnHeart posted 2/11/2020 21:15 PM

What phone do you use? iPhone? Android?

I can see what wh does in the samsung browser through google activity...

Could he have gotten a hold of your phone?

MrCleanSlate posted 2/12/2020 13:51 PM


I would love some help from some techy peeps if you are reading!

If you are using Google and are signed in on your phone and also on a home computer or tablet then it is likely syncing your history, searches, places you've been etc. Iphones can do the same. So your WH may have seen that on your home computer....
It is possible he also happened to peek at your phone.

Kind of scary really how much google and others can learn about us just from our phones.

My experience is that the majority of people are not sly enough, or willing to do the darkweb route with bitcoin and all, to install spy software and monitor you, etc. This coming from a wayward with a lot of tech experience and I can tell you I did a crappy job of covering my tracks. We all get sloppy, brazen, etc.

EDIT - here's the other neat thing, my BW can log in to my Google, even from her work, and she can look up where I have been travelling through-out the day, it will even tell her that I stopped at an Italian Sandwich Shop for 26 minutes. (now I could turn off my location services but that would be a red flag for her).

[This message edited by MrCleanSlate at 2:15 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]

emergent8 posted 2/12/2020 13:55 PM

This seems strange to me. I don't know your husband, but mine would NEVER ask about something like that unless it was truly out of the norm or if he was paying me a compliment.

Is it common for your husband to comment on your physical appearance like this? Is you wearing makeup or wearing your hair up unusual?

cptprkchp posted 2/12/2020 16:29 PM

Iím a fWW so I hope you donít mind me posting - in my opinion, it sounds like he is fishing - like maybe he thinks you are trying to look nice for someone else. I donít know your details but this seems to be common post infidelity. I would ignore it and keep doing what you like but I will offer a bit of a warning - heís projecting on to you what he thinks he would do if you were the one that cheated. Watch him because he may get all up in his head about this and make a stupid/bad decision. Iím not trying to freak you out but Iíve seen this many times before.

I hope itís nothing, though!

Thanksgiving2016 posted 2/12/2020 16:49 PM

Oddly enough cheaters are terrified you will cheat. They know how to monitor you because they were so good at avoiding being monitored.

DebraVation posted 2/12/2020 16:55 PM

Time to order yourself some new perfume and see if he notices.

I agree with the others, he's fishing. He might be up to something himself and projecting on to you.

Marie2792 posted 2/13/2020 08:53 AM

My husband once asked me a very odd question. Something he would have only mentioned to me if he had read it in my journal, which I kept in one of dresser drawers beneath folded clothes so the kids could not find it. I moved it right after that and now Iím glad i have notes in my phone for that purpose.

I would suspect he looked at your phone. Start searching for diamonds.

[This message edited by Marie2792 at 8:53 AM, February 13th (Thursday)]

Lifeexploded posted 2/14/2020 08:10 AM

I have an android. Yes, I am aware what google keeps, that's how I found out about his infidelity in the first place. He was using voice-to-text and that was saved. I'll go see if I can change my settings to not save that.

I ordered myself some new ear studs from Amazon and they came yesterday so I put some in. I have two sets of holes in my ears and I put in two pairs, which I honestly haven't done more than once or twice in the 19 years we have been married.

He got home, didn't notice the earrings. He was looking through my purse because our daughter had been pulling stuff out and I shoved it back in there and accidentally grabbed his keys and tossed them in also, so he was looking for them. Then he starts pulling random things out of my purse, papers and whatnot asking "What's this?" He found the little velvet bag that the earrings came in and of course wanted to know what it was. I explained, then he notices the earrings in my ears. He wanted to know all sorts of things: Why are you wearing more jewelry all of a sudden? Since when do you have two sets of holes in your ears? (in his defense our 18 year old didn't have any idea either) When did you buy these? Where did you buy them? When did they come in? (the mail) How much did they cost?

First of all, they were only $15 for 12 pairs. Simple surgical steel tiny studs. We make like 85K so it's not like they are going to bankrupt us or something.

To those who said it's time to wear more makeup since he's so worried about it, I signed up for ipsy. So he's going to see A LOT of new stuff. Should drive him insane. I would get a new scent, but my daughter bought me some for my birthday back in September so I must use that.

Thank you for making me feel like I'm not crazy and maybe he is up to something and/or projecting. I wish I had the guts to tell him to knock it off but I know he will just gaslight me and act like he isn't doing anything wrong and try to make me look like the paranoid one. I am getting really tired of being scrutinized though. I don't deserve it.

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