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Can a web forum really change your life?

HFSSC posted 4/25/2020 12:55 PM

I couldn't really decide how to title this post.

It started out as a T/J of my own "referred 2 people here" thread, but it needed it's own post.

Some of you go way back to 2011 with me and you know who I am. Many of you are newer, and may have no idea who I am or why I've started posting again. There's an ebb and flow to life, and although I've never left SI, I haven't been very active in posting except in OT and F&G.

For those who are new to SI, maybe new to web forums entirely, let me tell you that this place can absolutely change your life. It can save your life, and that is not hyperbole. If I hadn't found SI in 2011 I'm not sure that I'd still be here, and I'm very sure I wouldn't still be married. It is a unique group of people, sharing a common bond of pain and trauma that nobody ever wished for. But through our shared pain, we have developed real friendships. I've become friends IRL with several members. I've met a couple face to face, and there's nothing like sitting down at a table with someone you are seeing for the first time but already feel like you're sisters.

There's someone on the other side of the planet who sent me a beautiful gift once, because it reminded her of me. Another member once drove an hour out of her way to take me to lunch when I was going through a really bad time.

And then there's my sister/friend who FaceTimed me a couple of weeks ago from her bathtub...while I was in MY bathtub! I'm pretty sure I never imagined having a bathtub video call, but it was just what I needed that night.

I guess what I want to say is that if you are hurting right now, I promise it will get better. You may be in a place that feels so dark that you can't imagine ever being in the light again. Keep moving. Reach out here. Listen to what people who have been there are telling you. If something pisses you off, don't immediately respond to it. Wait a few days, read it again and consider why it's bothering you. The vast majority of folks on SI are coming from a place of wanting to help. We've had a few trolls who came in to stir up feelings and hurt people, but they are usually dealt with fairly quickly. Most of us just want to pay it forward and give the help that we received when we needed it most.

The1stWife posted 4/25/2020 16:21 PM

Amen for SI and the people who take time to counsel and support everyone here.

We are lucky to have a place to go - some have no one in real life they can reach out to.

And no one understands infidelity unless you have been through it

Cabernet posted 4/25/2020 17:15 PM

This is an amazing place. I haven't been here long, but it is apparent!

hopefull77 posted 4/26/2020 05:48 AM


boontje posted 4/26/2020 07:35 AM

It changed my life, for sure. The club I never wanted to join, but glad I did. I wouldnít be married today had I not found SI. Just knowing I wasnít alone in this mess allowed me to keep going when I felt like giving up. The friendship was a bonus I had not expected. HF....when is our next FaceTime bubble bath? 🛁

ibonnie posted 4/26/2020 08:51 AM


somanyyears posted 4/26/2020 10:43 AM

..??"Facetime in the bathtub.??

Try not to drop your netbook in the water! I heard they don't work to well there..

..Not only did SI change my life, I think it 'saved' my life.
Thanks to DS and MH...


WalkinOnEggshelz posted 4/26/2020 12:11 PM

Iím not sure just how many times I have said that SI has saved my life. I would have lived without participating here, however that quality of life of would been drastically different.

HT is the one who found this site, shared it with me in hopes to help both of us. I had no idea at just how profound of an impact coming here would be for me. I can say with absolute certainty I would no longer be married to HT. I would have found ways to be the victim or the hero in my story depending on which role suited me at the time. I would most likely be an angry and unhappy person. SI helped me find who I am, who I really am and in turn helped me save a marriage I am so grateful to have every. single. day.

I have met some of the most amazing people both virtually and irl. I consider myself fortunate to have had the special opportunity to have DeeplyScared as a friend. I have hosted g2gís over the past 7 years and have had so many members touch me with their stories, filling my home with both laughter and tears.

In a time like now with shelter in place, I believe this site is more of a blessing than ever before. To any one out there reading in need of a little comfort and help picking yourself back up, I hope you will post to let us know you are here. Itís been almost a decade since we joined. We are still here. How can we leave when SI has touched our lives so deeply?

farsidejunky posted 4/26/2020 23:20 PM


It can be a vehicle for change, more specifically the people to whom you choose to listen.

But just like any form of change, the pain to remain the same must exceed the pain to change.

deephurt posted 4/27/2020 09:50 AM

I wouldn't say SI changed my life but it sure helped me figure out what my new normal is and how to deal with it. The people here are amazing and helpful.

Deesport883 posted 4/27/2020 13:48 PM

I don't post often, but the stories I do read.
SI helped me to get through the initial shock & pain, I was completely blindsided. After 30yrs, you'd think you'd know your spouse-not-
The friends/family that tried to comfort me all had no clue what to say, and some things hurt me brother telling me that we all go through this-getting cheated on-and my own mother making comments as if it was my fault he cheated.
When I found SI, I learned so so much, and although I am now 18mos divorced, I still come back to SI as I am still healing from the devastation of thinking the man i married is now a stranger...I thought he had my back, but it was a knife he held......

homewrecked2011 posted 4/29/2020 06:52 AM

The great people on this site have helped me every step of the way on my journey of JFO, thru the divorce, then xh taking me back to court, etc.

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