My WP ended up messaging me, sticking up for the AP, saying how nobody should be sending her messages etc, no matter how bad what he did was.
So did you two not live together? Or did he move out?
I feel more and more hurt everyday. I need to take back control, how do I do that?
Anger is a part of grieving. So is denial. You are most likely very, very angry and wanting to lash out to make this all stop, to make it not hurt, to make it not real. You are probably climbing the walls with feelings of powerlessness. That is all very normal and extremely hard. Your mind is trying to reject this reality, and I think that's the control you are looking for. But it really isn't possible.
You have two choices in your anguish: focus in vs. focus out. From what I have seen, focusing out leads to a revenge, scorched earth, take no prisoners mentality which can be extremely destructive to them and to you. Be very careful with this feeling. We so, so, so want to punish people who wrong us--and we've seen that plenty here on SI--but it often comes with a moral, legal, and criminal consequence. And worst of all, the reality you were running from is still there.
Then there is focusing inward. This is the healthy way to grieve because you control you. Read books and websites (like The Healing Library found in the top, left corner yellow box), drink plenty of water and eat healthy foods, watch YouTube videos on grief, loss, surviving betrayal, cry when you need to, take walks when you can, lean on your very supportive family, sleep, journal your thoughts out and avoid your ex, and let time pass. Eventually you will have energy to take up new goals, find hobbies, and meet a much better person than you were with. You know who the OW gets? A known cheater. You know who you get? Someone much better than that.
Try to take control back by not caring about him (or at least not showing you care). He doesn't deserve you. Don't let him feel two women are fighting for him. He doesn't deserve it. Post as much as you need. The hurt lasts for a while--but it does not last forever.
((((appropriatemarch))))
[This message edited by OwningItNow at 11:43 AM, April 26th (Sunday)]