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death and the other women

marjorie46 posted 4/26/2020 11:44 AM

Yes, I started this site a long time ago. My husband would not divorce me after trying 2 times to do so on my part.
He lives with the other woman he left me for (at least the last of several) and Yes, we are still married for financial reasons. If he dies, is the Mistress entitled to any oh his assets?

jb3199 posted 4/26/2020 12:23 PM

It all depends. Does he have a living Will? And if not, are you sure that he hasn't created one?

States vary, but the general rule is that all items accrued during the marriage are marital assets, and are divided between husband and wife. Any monies that he may have received in his name only(i.e. inheritance, annuities, etc.) are usually not considered a marital asset UNLESS he put those monies in a marital account. But obviously, a lawyer consultation would give you a much more accurate picture of where you stand today.

Is there something that has recently occurred that is making you inquire?

Phoenix1 posted 4/26/2020 14:55 PM

Inheritance laws are really something you need to discuss with an attorney.

The1stWife posted 4/26/2020 15:01 PM

If he has a will then the estate is dictated by the will.

Exception is life insurance. In some states the legal wife inherits unless the Divorce decree states differently.

Retirement accounts are based on who is listed as beneficiary. If he never eliminated you as a beneficiary as his legal wife, you will inherit.

You need a top estate lawyer.

If you can prove he signed a new will under duress by the OW or other family members, you can challenge the will in court. But you must prove your case and itís not easy.

If he has no will the state has laws as to the distribution of assets. Legal wife, children are all first in line. OW would get nothing as she is not an heir. Every state is different and again, you need an attorney.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 3:03 PM, April 26th (Sunday)]

DigitalSpyder posted 4/26/2020 15:04 PM

Inheritance laws are really something you need to discuss with an attorney.

marjorie46 posted 4/26/2020 16:19 PM

Thank you for your response. We have a Living Trust which encompasses all of our assets. We both have small checking accounts in our own names and our children (2 adults) will receive those monies per POD. Any large purchases, his Condo was purchased through our money through the trust. I have read that even if he has designated money or a Life insurance policy former, she is not entiitled to it if it was maintained by funds from the Trust.

The1stWife posted 4/26/2020 19:40 PM

This is complicated.

But may be to your benefit if you are not D.

My friend was separated from her H for 10 years. Once his mom passed (I know I know but thatís the agreement) they would D. His mom had dementia and other health problems.

Anyway the H died first. Unexpectedly. She got everything. Including the MIL. A few months later the MIL passed.

My friend who was in a HORRIBLE marriage and was treated terribly by the MIL (the H was an only child if that explains it) ended up very well off.

BentandBroken posted 4/27/2020 19:30 PM

Definitely see an attorney. In Michigan, you cannot legally disinherit your spouse from your 401k unless the spouse signs off and gives up rights as beneficiary.

thishurts123 posted 4/28/2020 17:20 PM

Agree with others that you need to talk to an attorney. States vary in rules regarding inheritance. I contemplated a similar arrangement with XWH. Even with a postnuptial agreement, there was no guarantee what I would get if we divorced or if he died; in the event he had a will unknown to me that hard different arrangements. I opted to divorce. I'm glad I did. I'm still on his life insurance because of the children and in our state he cannot make changes without my signing off. Don't assume anything -- protect yourself. Good luck.

HeavyE posted 4/29/2020 09:44 AM

Regarding the life insurance policy. If the Trust is the owner, then only the trust can designate the beneficiary. The payor does not matter.


I am the owner of the policy on my spouse. I direct who the beneficiary is. The funds can come from any source regarding the payments.

If you have a copy of the original life policy(s) that were issued it would state who the owner is. By law, the original owner can transfer the ownership to who ever they want. The life insurance company has to honor that wish. The difficult part is if you are not the owner of the policy the insurance company will not discuss anything with you.

Insurance contracts are very specific as the company has to honor the owner of the policy.

I have personally seen where the owner has changed the beneficiary to a new person only to find out at the time of death they are denied the claim because they were not the beneficiary. Life insurance, annuities and retirement accounts have to pay out to whom the beneficiary is.

A few years ago we had a person who was single at the time they purchased the group policy from their employer and put their sister as the beneficiary. She later got married but never changed the beneficiary. When she passed away the husband made a claim only to find out the sister was the beneficiary. The claim was paid to her. The spouse was never sent anything. She also died with out a will and the sister made a claim on the sister's estate.

Another example I have been involved in was an annuity contract where the owner changed the beneficiary from their spouse to their girlfriend. Because the document was signed and dated by the owner, the company had to honor the request at the time of death and the spouse received nothing. The spouse did get an attorney and I do not know the outcome. This was six plus years ago.

I would check with every life insurance, annuity and 401K to find out who the owner and beneficiary is. Again, they have no accountability to you (if not the owner) to discuss anything.

I would also check anything you are the owner on and verify who the beneficiary is listed.

The1stWife posted 4/29/2020 10:35 AM

Excellent post HeavyE.

In my state there are some crazy rules about life insurance policies surviving D with the first wife as the named beneficiary. If the insured remarried (in my state) the laws get very complicated as to who is the beneficiary (despite who is named on the policy). Appears that via litigation a second wife got the life insurance proceeds even though the first wife was named as the beneficiary. Too complicated to go into but I read this article during my Hís affair.

I cancelled existing insurance policies and took out new ones with me as the owner and him as the insured. This way nothing can be changed by him (to protect me & kids).

marjorie46 posted 4/29/2020 11:09 AM

Thank you for all of your responses. We are not DIVORCED, and we have a Living Will/Trust. All monies, from what I understand is still Marital.

Marz posted 4/29/2020 12:01 PM

Divorce is not up to him. You donít need his permission.

See an attorney.

gonnabe2016 posted 5/2/2020 15:42 PM

We are not DIVORCED, and we have a Living Will/Trust. All monies, from what I understand is still Marital.
I don't think you understand how precarious this situation could be for you. "Death" property classification/distribution and "divorce" property classification/distribution are NOT governed by the same set of laws. If your trust docs weren't written specifically to apply to this type of scenario, owning property in the trust may be more of a detriment, rather than the safeguard you believe it to be, than not having a trust/will at all. There are so many ways that this could turn out bad for you that I cannot more strongly agree with this:
Inheritance laws are really something you need to discuss with an attorney.

hcsv posted 5/2/2020 16:06 PM

He could be changing beneficiaries without you even knowing it.

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