First, I take no pleasure in telling this, at all. The old adage "be careful what you wish for" could not be more appropriate for me. I think it's a healthier place to be (for me) in that it means I don't care that much anymore - I'm moving forward. I used to wish it would all blow up at his work as that is really all he has now...but I don't really care much anymore about that as far as some smug feeling of revenge or whatever goes.
Situation (for the few who don't know) - AP and my WH and the OBS all work together. WH was very good friends with OBS before all this and was actually in AP-OBS's wedding 10 years ago. They all work together and shared the same social circle of work friends, which used to be a very tight knit group of about 20 people who went out after work together, went to each others weddings, kids birthday parties etc. All that is over now.
AP and WH had a 6 month EA/PA while I was temporarily living out of town, replete with "I love yous" and sex multiple times a week, the whole 9 yards except that they did very little except meet up for sex as their work schedules and fear of getting found out made it very difficult. Little to no money was spent "going out" and instead the A was totally closeted. I caught WH in 10/17, who then claimed he had ended the A but took it underground for a year of false R. When false R was discovered I told the OBS, who told me he had believed something was up but could not prove it and that at least 1 person at their work had told him they were suspicious. This was 10/18. I did not tell anyone he knew at work out of respect for the OBS - he had to work there and so I felt it should be his decision whether to blow that up or not - he did not. There is also an issue of all three of their jobs being at risk as the A took place during work most of the time (like 99%) and they broke various protocols that are grounds for termination - they have a very high military security clearance equivalent (although they are not military) and are required to notify management of any breach in policy - whether they are the ones who committed it or not - so technically, the OBS also could be fired as he knows what has happened and has not told.
4/19 the A had resumed yet again (was not happening for 3 months but then it started again). I again figured it out (wasn't hard) and forced WH to tell the OBS himself. After that my WH has been pretty much excluded from work events but no one has said a word about the A, if they know, or not. They all still work together to this day. The OBS is one of the most "popular" people there, as is his wife the AP.
Last week my WH received a text message from one of the more "out of the gossip loop" co-workers who likely has spent an inordinate amount of time on the phone during all of this stay-at-home time, and found out from someone else that there was a big rumor about my WH and the AP's A. The Co-worker in her text point blank asked my WH to confirm or deny a rumor that he had an A with the AP. It was pretty straight forward and sounded like the co-worker did not believe the gossip and expected him to deny it. His workplace is more akin to high school than anywhere I have ever heard of in terms of everyone being in everyone's business...and the gossip there is BRUTAL.
He admitted it straight up and the co-worker stopped responding to him right away, saying she was disappointed in him and that she was done talking to him. Due to the virus his work is very locked down, on reduced schedules, and he has little contact with anyone at work (he is basically working alone, only seeing the new shift for a minute when he leaves or takes over). He is DEPRESSED...accepting of the gossip and rumors and his being cut out of the circle of friends to which the AP (because she and the OBS are still together I suspect) is still a part of. He feels like she is getting off without consequences (which, it's true, she is to this point anyway) and that between the two of them, he is the one who is paying the price - and he says he is "okay" with that - and while I think he is to some level, he is now having to face going back there and the judgment of it all as it's now been confirmed. It's no longer supposition gossip - it's just out there.
Basically, because he didn't just want to admit this to people years ago (as I had suggested), the consequences have been dragged out over time - for years - so he's been living in work limbo for 2+ years now, himself wondering if people know and that is why he is no longer invited to things or if things just aren't happening on the same level as they used to, and now, it's all out in the open. The thing is, I am not jumping for joy about it like I thought I would be. It is just another remnant of his fucking shit show of bad decisions...and now the OBS has to deal with it whether he wants to or not, and for him I feel terrible as I know I would not want to be in his shoes. WH is depressed and trying to put on a good face about it - I was pleased that he just admitted it in his response to the co-worker - no beating around the bush, no blameshifting, no denial - which was all a positive for him...but the destruction of several people (the OBS, the AP, my WH, me, etc) is just so profoundly sad to me. The fact that the last vestiges of my WH's life has changed - that the consequences I so long wanted him to have, came about without my doing, did not give me the feeling of "finally" I thought I would have (aside from his family - he's not close with them so this being out in the open with his entire circle of friends/co-workers is a much bigger deal). I find that I am just sad that any of it happened...and while I am not personally bothered, it doesn't really feel like the big "woo hoo" moment I thought it would be for me. It's just another thud in the night.
[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 10:49 AM, April 28th (Tuesday)]
