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Divorce/Separation :
Devastated again

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 StormyPrincess (original poster member #41224) posted at 10:48 PM on Sunday, June 14th, 2020

Oh dear friends. It's been so long. I think about coming and checking in here often then get so busy with work and trying to get ready to move.

My ex was just here to help pack some more stuff. He left and called when he got to his place. Wanted to tell me he had a girlfriend for past two months or so, before I heard it from anyone else. The thing is, it is a girl he was cheating on me with when we dated. Why didn't I see the red flags then? And just a month ago he was trying to get with me!!!

So instead of me getting my house in order, I'm sitting here sobbing. I had forgotten about this because it happened in the early 90s. I want to vomit. Why does it feel like this is happening all over again? I just feel devastated all over again. I just started to feel slightly human and felt like maybe I could find love again. But I'm sitting here sobbing and back to square one. How can I move forward? Thanks all.

((hugs))

SP

StormyPrincess
Me: B exW 50 something
Him: XWH 40 something

Married: 20+ yrs; now divorced!!
2 DD; 1DS

posts: 198   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8551049
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 11:21 PM on Sunday, June 14th, 2020

(((((SPrincess)))))

I don't know your story, but I'm glad he's in his own place. No clue why he felt the need to share that info with you. What a jerk.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5648   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8551056
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fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 11:21 PM on Sunday, June 14th, 2020

StormyPrincess:

You have been heard. I am so sorry you are going through this. Your Ex is very cruel. But the good news is you are divorced from this lying, cheating dirtbag.

[This message edited by fareast at 1:27 PM, June 27th (Saturday)]

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3991   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8551057
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 StormyPrincess (original poster member #41224) posted at 2:46 AM on Monday, June 15th, 2020

Thank you guys. I’m a wreck. Hoping my face de-puffs before work tomorrow. I’ve been crying so much. Probably more than I’ve cried in years.

I appreciate your kindness and advice. I need to NOT engage no matter how much I am driven to...,

((Hugs))

SP

[This message edited by StormyPrincess at 8:48 PM, June 14th (Sunday)]

StormyPrincess
Me: B exW 50 something
Him: XWH 40 something

Married: 20+ yrs; now divorced!!
2 DD; 1DS

posts: 198   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8551111
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Chili ( member #35503) posted at 2:53 AM on Monday, June 15th, 2020

Hey Stormy:

I'm really sorry to hear that your asshat is unfortunately, still an asshat. Stinks that he pokes at you this way still. Sigh.

Just remember - you are definitely not back at square one. So you're a decent, genuine emotional person who is capable of feeling things. Not the worst thing ever. Doesn't mean you're not moving forward. You're just taking a minute to feel what you need to feel. Actually, it can be kind of freeing to let all that stuff out.

You'll get your house in order - you'll get back to your nexts. (And your face will be just fine tomorrow no matter what).

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Took off flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2242   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8551113
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Chili ( member #35503) posted at 2:54 AM on Monday, June 15th, 2020

And PS: I agree with not engaging with him on this topic. Cricket him. I just don't think there's anything there to help soothe you.

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Took off flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2242   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8551114
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CallingSpades ( member #71287) posted at 3:00 AM on Monday, June 15th, 2020

Stormy, what an awful thing for him to do. Agree with other posts here and just wanted to say, here is your proof that you made the right choice in pursuing D. To still be manipulating you to be with him, while he has a girlfriend? What a broken and cruel person. Of course you feel terrible now, but truly, he has just given you all you need to never look back and move on confidently with your own life.

Me BS/40
WH 40 EA/PA, DDay 5/19
M 12 years, 2 kids.
Filed for D 1/2020

posts: 234   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8551117
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 3:08 AM on Monday, June 15th, 2020

I so wish that I was D already from my nasty STBXWH.

Look at this as a plus.

After I moved out, My ASSHAT loved dropping crap in my lap about past A’s that I had no knowledge of.

He regrets all the nasty crap now. I have collected all his crap and I gently place it before him every time he mentions R.

Sweetheart, know this. Even when my face is puffy and red from crying, I am so much more than any of is ugly exAPs.

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Slowly healing from Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 953   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8551120
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 4:25 AM on Monday, June 15th, 2020

So the OW has finally ended up with this loser.

I know it hurts. It is painful. But you will move on. Your life will be better.

The OW has just won a boo you prize but she’s just too stupid to know it. She just doesn’t know the “prize” she’s getting is a lying cheating jerk.

Living well is the best revenge.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14760   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8551146
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 8:29 PM on Monday, June 15th, 2020

Ah Stormy. What a loser he is. He has his head so far up his ass that he has to lash out at you to try to justify his behavior.

Please trust that in time you WILL feel better. You deserve so so so much more.

NC is your friend... And when the grief comes around, let it happen, then dust off and keep moving forward.

(((Hugs)))

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6483   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8551413
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 StormyPrincess (original poster member #41224) posted at 3:45 AM on Friday, June 19th, 2020

Thank you each and every one for giving me some confidence and strength to go on. ((Hugs))

SP

StormyPrincess
Me: B exW 50 something
Him: XWH 40 something

Married: 20+ yrs; now divorced!!
2 DD; 1DS

posts: 198   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8552510
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