Breakingapart posted 6/16/2020 00:24 AM

Can’t sleep....so many tears...hate not having the one person I trusted with everything to hold me. Hate thinking about my future and knowing what I had pictured will never be....Hate that my kids are going through this . Hate that I am sitting here crying and he is snuggled up with her....living his “happy” life.
I’m so sick of crying. Sick of my anger. It’s all too much!

Hurtingnconfused posted 6/16/2020 05:50 AM

Have no words of wisdom other than to say I hear you and know EXACTLY what your feeling right now

LadyG posted 6/16/2020 07:39 AM

I cry daily now, several times a day and go to sleep after 3am maybe but I was up at 8am.

I don’t cry for my WH. I never did.

I cry for all the things he has killed off with his last A.

I cry because I am exhausted and can’t sleep. My neck and shoulders absolutely ache. My muscles are sore and tense. For so long I hung onto and internalised my pain which led to more unnecessary suffering.

I am going to try exercise again starting tomorrow morning.

I think my crazy exercise regimen kept me numb and healthy post Dday.

Don’t allow this to tear you apart. This will soon pass 🙏🏼

Justsomeguy posted 6/17/2020 19:32 PM

I'm 3.5 years out from Dday#1 and 2 years S. I had trouble sleeping for years, averaging 1-2 hours a night for three first year. Most nights I settled for passing out. It was literally all I could do. Yup, I know. Not healthy. Things only got better when I finally got my own place. 8 bought a new used bed, a new mattress, and got new bedding. It was a fresh start, with all traces if STBXWW removed. Only recently have I begun to dream again. I dont know if that's significant, but it feels like it is. Its tough, but it does get better. It's not perfect, but I feel peace, which is something I have not felt in years. It sucks to be on the thick if it, but keep the faith.

Breakingapart posted 6/17/2020 23:34 PM

I’ve had a few emotional days in a row...just break down in the middle of the day...hide it from the kids...get everything done and then break down when they go to bed. Lack of sleep certainly doesn’t help. I know that but I can’t stop the thoughts. When I do fall asleep they invade my dreams.
I want him to feel this hurt and the hurt of the kids. Will this fog ever end? Why must they be so hateful? Why must they try to bait you constantly? I feel like my not reacting to him and keeping my texts about the kids and money only is making this harder on me...I want to fight back, I want to scream in his face. Having all of this sadness and anger in me is killing me. Venting on here helps as does venting with friends and family but fuck I want him to hear it and feel it!!!

Tigersrule77 posted 6/18/2020 06:41 AM

I'm sorry you are struggling.

I can tell you that although it took a while, the pain did go away, and I'm in a much better place than I imagined. Try to keep the focus on yourself. Try to make a plan of what you want your life to look like and start making it happen. Give yourself something positive to focus on, a vacation, a new career, anything. Even if it's a long way off. For me, I plan on taking a trip to Europe. I have a plan. It's not going to be next year or the year after, but it's something fun I can look forward to.

As for your XWH, you are making the assumption that he will care or react when you blow up at him. That is unlikely. And seeing him not react will cause more pain. Focus on healing yourself, don't expect anything from him.