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2020 The Saga Continues...

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TheLostOne2020 posted 6/19/2020 11:05 AM

Tigersrule77

I can relate to how you feel. I think everyone is feeling the effects of the restrictions, if not the actual disease. Thankfully, here in Maryland, restrictions are easing and gyms can actually open today. I may go for a workout tomorrow.

Yeah the gyms have opened up here which is good. That said, my kids are too young to go with me. I'm trying to figure out stuff to do with them. I'm a bit stir crazy.

Keep up the positive outlook.

Thanks man.

nekonamida

I highly recommend this. I'm not in a campaign currently but I help my husband with his and he takes turns DMing with our friends. PM me if you have questions or need help. I have 15 years of experience.

Thank you - I appreciate it. I think I will.

Glad to see you're doing well, all things considered. Hopefully your STBX keeps making this process easy for you.

Thanks - I'm still processing things, so I still have down times.

TheLostOne2020 posted 6/24/2020 19:13 PM

I think I might just like writing this out. It helps. I've talked to people about my issues, they've talked to me about theirs, and if I believed in some sense of the divine I'd have the sense that this is one of those trials and tests of my principles.

I have the kids for the next few days. My STBXW did get my son a phone plan (I bought the phone), so that's good. He's loving his new phone.

That said, they did let slip that my STBXW is apparently packing up some of the stuff I left there. So I'm guessing that I'll eventually get 'surprised' with this. I had previously told her to throw away anything I left there.

Not a huge deal.

KingofNothing posted 6/25/2020 08:44 AM

"Klaatu Barada NNNNNNecktie. Nectar. Nickel. Noodle. It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Klaatu... Barada... N <clears his throat into his hand, then pauses> Okay... that's it!"

Odd tangent: I was friends with Ricky Grove, back when he'd make appearances on the horror movie fan convention circuit in the 90s. He played Henry the Red in that movie (which is, hardly shocking, a personal favorite). We met on the now defunct Brains on Film bulletin board which had some real characters on it, including "Chop Top" Mosely. He stopped making appearance a while ago after some of our mutual favorite conventions went out of business, and I lost touch with him. Fun guy, very down to earth, and he had lots of great Army of Darkness stories.

You say a gym opened up, was that Planet Fitness by any chance? I'm still getting emails broadcasting "Work ins" and they aren't mentioning their reopening plan. I would have thought they would have something up by now.

Best of luck to you, just be the Dad as best you can, you'll have to navigate crazy town for a while but you are on the path to healing.

TheLostOne2020 posted 6/28/2020 06:19 AM

KingofNothing

Odd tangent: I was friends with Ricky Grove, back when he'd make appearances on the horror movie fan convention circuit in the 90s. He played Henry the Red in that movie (which is, hardly shocking, a personal favorite).

I love that movie too. I know exactly who you are talking about. Lol. I keep waiting for it come to the draft house. Evil Dead 2 came last year and I went to go see it. My ex didn't come with me. I should have known right then that I should have divorced her....

We met on the now defunct Brains on Film bulletin board which had some real characters on it, including "Chop Top" Mosely. He stopped making appearance a while ago after some of our mutual favorite conventions went out of business, and I lost touch with him. Fun guy, very down to earth, and he had lots of great Army of Darkness stories.

That's fantastic.

You say a gym opened up, was that Planet Fitness by any chance? I'm still getting emails broadcasting "Work ins" and they aren't mentioning their reopening plan. I would have thought they would have something up by now.

Nah, it's a golds - the one in Chantilly if you are familiar with Fairfax. I'm actually about to head there now. I'm a lot weaker than I thought I would be but screw it, training is training. My chest is still a bit out of commission so I doubt I'll get over 200 on bench today. I'm old, it doesn't pay to take chances.

Best of luck to you, just be the Dad as best you can, you'll have to navigate crazy town for a while but you are on the path to healing.

Thanks man. Speaking of fatherhood; I dropped the kids off last night. I've found that I get irritated about an hour before I have to drop them off. Then when I'm driving away I get a surge of anger at the whole situation. I need to figure out a way to correct both of these things because i don't think it's healthy.

KingofNothing posted 6/28/2020 22:37 PM

I highly recommend this. I'm not in a campaign currently but I help my husband with his and he takes turns DMing with our friends. PM me if you have questions or need help. I have 15 years of experience.

My buddies and I play Empire of the Petal Throne and MERP (we're into the old school oop stuff). Same method, but DISCORD and Roll20. I've really enjoyed getting into this again, it's an easy way to socialize and not be a monk.

homewrecked2011 posted 6/29/2020 01:00 AM

Thanks man. Speaking of fatherhood; I dropped the kids off last night. I've found that I get irritated about an hour before I have to drop them off. Then when I'm driving away I get a surge of anger at the whole situation. I need to figure out a way to correct both of these things because i don't think it's healthy.

I was just going to mention that the hardest part for my kids seemed to be the first hour or so after being dropped off/picked up. I finally realized itís was bc they were also thinking how f****d up the whole situation is.

I found that keeping them busy doing physical stuff was best. Every time it was my weekend we went somewhere free, but I also gave them time to relax and chill at home-in a peaceful environment.

Some wonít agree, but I dropped everything and immediately got my kids when xh wanted to not have the kids-which bc heís selfish, it started happening a lot. He started not getting them for Spring Break, Summer visitation, etc bc he wanted to b alone with OW. I always acted happy to have them, I really was happy to have them. My atty told me to keep a secret journal of when he didnít get the kids; to help my case for custody after the 1 yr sep was over.

Also, go to every single one of their extra curricular events and practices when it starts back up.

As they grow up they will want to model your parenting style with their kids, and will appreciate you.

TheLostOne2020 posted 6/29/2020 06:56 AM

KingofNothing

My buddies and I play Empire of the Petal Throne and MERP (we're into the old school oop stuff). Same method, but DISCORD and Roll20. I've really enjoyed getting into this again, it's an easy way to socialize and not be a monk.

I got a tutorial this weekend on Roll20 and I have a zoom account. So I think I can make some progress. This week I'm going to be importing some maps and stuff. I find that I'm running out of time though. Work has been busting my ass - but hopefully today will be the last long day for a few days.

Then next weekend I'm going to try to run the Zero session, if I can. We will see.

homewrecked2011

I was just going to mention that the hardest part for my kids seemed to be the first hour or so after being dropped off/picked up. I finally realized itís was bc they were also thinking how f****d up the whole situation is.

That's interesting actually - I haven't noticed anything like that yet. I'm not entirely sure it's fully sunk in - or maybe I've been too busy in my own feelings. Whenever I pick them up I'm very happy to see them and stuff. So I'm kind of wrapped up in that.

I found that keeping them busy doing physical stuff was best. Every time it was my weekend we went somewhere free, but I also gave them time to relax and chill at home-in a peaceful environment.

I'm planning something like that - but COVID has been interfering.

Some wonít agree, but I dropped everything and immediately got my kids when xh wanted to not have the kids-which bc heís selfish, it started happening a lot. He started not getting them for Spring Break, Summer visitation, etc bc he wanted to b alone with OW. I always acted happy to have them, I really was happy to have them. My atty told me to keep a secret journal of when he didnít get the kids; to help my case for custody after the 1 yr sep was over.

That's my attitude actually. I will happily get the kids whenever. If she starts doing stuff like your ex did then I'm going to do the same thing and go for full custody.

Also, go to every single one of their extra curricular events and practices when it starts back up.

As they grow up they will want to model your parenting style with their kids, and will appreciate you.

Definitely will be doing that.

TheLostOne2020 posted 7/2/2020 08:39 AM

I just started a new book, one that I can't reference. I like her style.

Not a lot to report. I'm feeling a lot better, a lot more free, and that sort of thing.

Robert22205https posted 7/6/2020 14:01 PM

I just found your post on the divorce/separation forum. I don't have any magic words ... just know I think you're doing fine with your kids... and you are not alone.

TheLostOne2020 posted 8/11/2020 11:30 AM

Robert22205https - Thanks for your kind words.

Okay so things are 'stabilizing' for the most part. I find that I still get angry about the whole situation but I clear my head and just focus on other things. For the most part I'm doing pretty good. I still feel like my life is paused and I think I will until I get to a new place and get myself sorted a bit more.

I have minimal contact with my ex. So that's good. I drop and pick up the kids and she occasionally tries to talk to me during that transition. At one point, she said 'so that's how it's going to be' when I refused to tell her anything about what I'm doing outside of the kids. I said, yeah it is.

I did hear through the grapevine that her sister was, again, cheating. So for those keeping score, this sister is the 'religious sister' who thinks that Jesus inspires her life and all that. Here's the brief rundown that I know of (this is over a period of several years):

Sister has relationship with R, produces kid. R and sister break up.
Sister starts relationship/marries with M, produces 2 kids - her excuse 'the birth control didn't work...twice'.
While in relationship with M, sister starts talking to C. Starts cheating with C.
Sister divorces M gets together with C.
Sister starts talking to J and starts cheating on C with J.
I let the cat out of the bag and inform that sister is cheating with J. C and sister break up and now sister is engaged to J.

Here's the new info: Apparently for the last two years the sister has been cheating on J with W. Sister wants to leave J for W. W is a woman. Now, the homosexuality aspect wouldn't be an issue except that the sister has a gay child who is afraid to come out to the sister because of the sister's attitude towards homosexuals. The sister is not accepting of homosexuality at all, despite her godmother being homosexual.

Of course, I just sit back and think 'yup, my ex's cheating isn't all that surprising I guess' - it's their family tradition apparently.

Whatever, not my monkey, not my shit to fling. I just find it, fitting, maybe?

Tigersrule77 posted 8/11/2020 12:08 PM

I think you are seeing that your XWW has some serious FOO issues. If she wasn't trying to deal with that, she wasn't going to heal herself. You certainly weren't going to fix her.

yup, my ex's cheating isn't all that surprising I guess'

Yes, seeing the disfunction in the rest of the family makes it easier to understand.

My XWW's parents both had A's, her sister has at least 5 kids by at 3 men. I believe she has been married at least 4 times, claims she is bisexual and one of her AP's was a woman, who was married, who she then displaced, the woman's husband divorced the AP and started a relationship with ex-SIL. It was a soap opera or a jerry springer episode.

You are well rid of them. Sadly, your kids will not be. But when they are older, they can set their own boundaries.

TheLostOne2020 posted 8/11/2020 14:20 PM

Tigersrule77

I think you are seeing that your XWW has some serious FOO issues. If she wasn't trying to deal with that, she wasn't going to heal herself. You certainly weren't going to fix her.

Yup, she does. Her father was in jail for 10+ years for raping her sister. There was all kinds of physical abuse to the other siblings and the mother. Also mental abuse. My ex was XWW was able to keep a lid on it until 5 years ago when her EA (which became a PA). I think she's probably just barely dealing with it now, with a therapist, in order to get anti-depressants and Xanax.

I could be wrong, of course, but I don't care either way anymore - except if it effects my kids.

Yes, seeing the disfunction in the rest of the family makes it easier to understand.

Yup, they are all dysfunctional - except maybe the youngest brother? As far as I can tell he has his shit together. That said, he lives several states away and doesn't deal with his sisters all that much.

My XWW's parents both had A's, her sister has at least 5 kids by at 3 men. I believe she has been married at least 4 times, claims she is bisexual and one of her AP's was a woman, who was married, who she then displaced, the woman's husband divorced the AP and started a relationship with ex-SIL. It was a soap opera or a jerry springer episode.

You know what? My XWW's parents both did have affairs, I guess. One was the sexual abuse but the mother ran off to Ohio at one point with another man.

Damn, we have a lot in common with our XWW's. I just think that if they used an ounce of reasoning their lives would be better off.

Can't make good wine from bad grapes though.

You are well rid of them. Sadly, your kids will not be. But when they are older, they can set their own boundaries.


Yes, I am glad to be rid of them. I'm worried about the kids but they are smart and I will raise them well.

thatbpguy posted 8/11/2020 22:05 PM

I hate saying this, but sometimes it's nice to just sit back and watch other people mess up over and over and over again.

I hope the kids are holding up.

Westway posted 8/14/2020 11:03 AM

The gym situation is still irritating. They have 'Covid' hours and even without those they aren't open 24 hours, like the last gym was. So those are things I have to plan around. No big deal though. That said, I did what I consider a light work out and now I can hardly lift my arms...Good times. Squats on Saturday, that should be fun.
I am looking for stuff to do but everything is closed because of Covid.

Have you tried resistance training? I went on Amazon and purchased a resistance band set and I have been doing that for the past few weeks. I actually think I like it more than free weights.

KingofNothing posted 8/14/2020 11:36 AM

Have you tried resistance training? I went on Amazon and purchased a resistance band set and I have been doing that for the past few weeks. I actually think I like it more than free weights.

Can you recommend a brand name? I'm thinking of doing the same thing... I'm not getting a warm and fuzzy about my local gym yet.

Westway posted 8/14/2020 15:52 PM

Can you recommend a brand name? I'm thinking of doing the same thing... I'm not getting a warm and fuzzy about my local gym yet.

Oh I have some off-brand Chinese-made set. All you have to do is go on Amazon and type in "resistance bands" and you'll get 500 Chi-fake packages to choose from. The one I got has bands that go from 10 to 50 pounds. Mine has lasted pretty well. It is the "Covacure" set.

Westway posted 8/14/2020 16:00 PM

Her father was in jail for 10+ years for raping her sister

Oh sheez.

Okay LostOne, do think this may be why your WW is so fucked up? Seriously man, the next time you decide to get seriously involved with a woman, look hard into her family and avoid chicks who come from a family that came right out of a Rob Zombie movie. See I made the same mistake marrying a woman whose dad is a made man... a mafia associate. Never should have done that. And then when her sister let it slip a couple years after we married that my WW never dated anybody but black guys? I should have run out of that house screaming to the nearest lawyer's office.

You and I both need to work on our pickers and be far more selective in the women we choose, and FOO does have a huge role in determining whether they will be a good spouse or not.

TheLostOne2020 posted 8/14/2020 16:24 PM

thatbpguy

I hate saying this, but sometimes it's nice to just sit back and watch other people mess up over and over and over again.
I hope the kids are holding up.

Yeah, I definitely hear you on that. I'm glad that I'm removed from that drama.

Westway

Have you tried resistance training? I went on Amazon and purchased a resistance band set and I have been doing that for the past few weeks. I actually think I like it more than free weights.

A long time ago. I'm making the gym schedule work. I've cut a lot of weight and I'm getting my strength back. I like the feel of free weights though. Also, what do those go up to? How much weight can you put on something?

Westway

Oh sheez.

Okay LostOne, do think this may be why your WW is so fucked up? Seriously man, the next time you decide to get seriously involved with a woman, look hard into her family and avoid chicks who come from a family that came right out of a Rob Zombie movie. See I made the same mistake marrying a woman whose dad is a made man... a mafia associate. Never should have done that. And then when her sister let it slip a couple years after we married that my WW never dated anybody but black guys? I should have run out of that house screaming to the nearest lawyer's office.

You and I both need to work on our pickers and be far more selective in the women we choose, and FOO does have a huge role in determining whether they will be a good spouse or not.

It probably is - but she held it together for decades before falling apart. I've already been talking to some women who have FOO issues and I gotta be honest, it weighs on me.

Shit, yeah, I wouldn't mess with a mafia associate. Also yeah, if she has a type and you aren't it, then that's definitely a red flag.

I definitely have to work on my picker. I'm trying to be more selective - here's the thing, I look at my ex and I think, by the end, we didn't have a lot in common anymore anyway. That could be because she was withdrawing from me though.

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