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Moving into Separation

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countrydirt posted 7/17/2020 09:40 AM

I do believe that she is completely psychotic. Everything up to 4 weeks ago was all via text and maybe phone calls. Now, all of a sudden, she has a new soulmate and love of her life. Crazy.

countrydirt posted 8/6/2020 09:25 AM

I'm finally getting her moved out on Friday. This last 4 or 5 weeks has been difficult to say the least. To top it all, my son (17) was driving with his mom from passing his driving test to go to the DMV to get his license and didn't look left a second time and pulled out in front of a pickup and was hit and totaled the car. He had a few cuts and a sore shoulder but the STBXW was banged up pretty bad, so I've been taking care of her. Doesn't seem to make a difference in her insane mind.

I had a minor procedure on my right shoulder yesterday and she said she would help me. Turned out to be much less minor than expected, but turned out well. She did drive me home, then parked her ass on the couch and proceeded to text her lover nonstop for 5 hours. Before bed, I went and washed the dishes, made myself a warm calming drink and went to bed. She finally came up and I'm sure started reading her lesbian erotica and texting all night.

Just leave already.

countrydirt posted 8/6/2020 09:31 AM

On a related note, I've been averaging around 6 hours of sleep per night, my doctor put me on blood pressure meds and I've lost right at 20 pounds over this period of time.

On a good note, the place she is moving is about 30 miles away from here and away from her lover as well. Maybe she'll pull her head out of her ass and become someone I know. Her new lover doesn't deserve to have this crazy fucking woman either. I've told the lover what to expect when the unicorns and fairies stop flying and she'll get a lazy, depressed and psychotic upper middle aged woman with saggy skin and high maintenance needs.

countrydirt posted 8/7/2020 14:02 PM

First night apart was a decent night sleep helped by a prescription sleeping pill. I did think how shitty it was for our 17 year old to come home on his 17th birthday and realizing his mom had moved out.

I went on a 10 mile group bicycle ride in my town last night. I actually talked to a few folks and had my first fall in many years. So I have some small contusions on my ankle, knee and elbow and my elbow hurts like hell, but she'll never know.

We have a counseling session this afternoon. I'll see if she shows up.

countrydirt posted 8/12/2020 14:44 PM

My 17 year old told me that he was glad his mom moved out. He still loves her, but her cheating was too much for him and he said if he never sees her again, that would be fine with him. I'm starting to come around to his way of thinking.

Tigersrule77 posted 8/13/2020 09:12 AM

cd, she will always be his mother, and it is hard to let go for anyone. I'm making the assumption that you are not going out of your way to bad mouth her, but not hiding the truth either.

If your WW has moved out, have you filed for D yet? It seems as though your mind is made on that subject.

HalfTime2017 posted 8/13/2020 18:23 PM

CD, sorry you are here brother. You're doing the right thing by exercising and trying to get enough sleep.

The last thing, as soon as you can put down that hopium pipe, your healing will progress a lot faster. Staying in limbo as they call it, or smoking that hopium pipe takes away from truly moving forward. You will be okay. Your kids are older, and the last one is about to be emancipated soon. Let her ass go, so that you can move on.

countrydirt posted 8/13/2020 21:52 PM

I have not been badmouthing her. She asked me if I was talking bad about her to our son. I told her that no I wasn't, but her actions were pretty clear.

As far as the hopium, you are exactly right. I have no more hope and am moving on. I went on a long group bicycle ride tonight and talked to a few folks.

We started back to school this week to get ready for students in two weeks. I've not been very productive, but got a few things done. The top thing is that I am bicycle commuting so I get about 12 miles of ride in during the day and about 50 minutes of riding. That plus not really eating has resulted in about a 20 pound weight loss.

I'm heading in to the doctor to get the stitches taken out and ask for a sleeping prescription and maybe some anti-anxiety meds to try and make it through the next few months.

Westway posted 8/14/2020 10:44 AM

I have not been badmouthing her. She asked me if I was talking bad about her to our son. I told her that no I wasn't, but her actions were pretty clear.

My STBXWW often asks me the same thing, on the rare occasions I have to see her face to face. It ios one of her main concerns: she is so obsessed with people not thinking badly of her, so she's paranoid about me talking to others about her.

I have told her that if any family who do not know the whole story come up to me and ask me to my face why we are getting divorced, I will tell them "due to her infidelity", and nothing more. I'm not going to lie for her or protect her. Protecting her honor is not my job anymore. And as for how our daughters see her, her actions alone speak volumes about her character or lack thereof. She doesn't need my help in destroying her rep. She's doing that all by herself.

[This message edited by Westway at 10:45 AM, August 14th (Friday)]

Tempocontour posted 9/7/2020 16:47 PM

What is the latest word from your stbxw? Sorry that you're going thru this. I hope you are coping.

countrydirt posted 9/10/2020 18:41 PM

We are moving forward with divorce. We are working out some financial issues to protect retirement, get rid of primarily her hoarded stuff and maximize equity in the home which will be sold right before the divorce is final. I'm keeping track of all of the hours I am putting into the house getting it ready for sale and already told her that I would be taking that out of her equity share and she agrees to that.

In a strange twist of fate, the OWs former partner has reached out to me and we have became friends since we have a common bond. No worries about romantic entanglement as she is gay. It drives my STBXW crazy that I am going out with a friend and that she doesn't know who it is. She'll call or text me and ask where I've been and I say "with a friend for coffee". She asks who and I say, "No one you would know."

My son has warmed up a bit more to his mother, but still says that if he never dealt with her again he would be just fine with that. He has an even deeper line in the sand that was crossed and has become a moat. He understands right from wrong even if his mom doesn't.

countrydirt posted 9/11/2020 06:40 AM

I went to bed last night in a state of agitation over computer issues at school - add learning how to teach students remotely as another layer of WTF next?. Yesterday I electronically "demanded" some help from our gradebook administrator and shared my frustrations with my principal, who has bigger things to worry about than my petty gradebook issues. I woke up agitated after only about 5 hours of restless sleep.

I had to, for my own sanity, send apologies to the gradebook admin and to my principal for being a whiny ass. It's not their fault that my life is a shitshow and that I am blowing this gradebook challenge up into a much bigger thing than it is.

I've always been the guy who makes lemonade when I'm handed lemons. I don't want to change that about me, even if I will have a hard time trusting anyone or believing anything that anyone says for a while. I can't let the STBXW color everything in my world.

I went on a "cruiser" bike ride last night with a few other hardy souls. Normally we have 40-50 riders hitting the streets and paths of our fair city every Thursday night, but the dramatic turn in the weather kept most of the wimps home, so 15-20 middle aged hooligans and a few hipsters rode around our city and to the top of all 4 parking garages here. We were only chased off by 2 overweight security guards at one hospital parking lot. They were huffing and puffing trying to cut us off at the various levels. I was riding "sweep" at the back to make sure no one was left behind so visited with the guards a bit as we tucked our tails and complied with their 'request' we leave. We were pronounced CRAZY to be out in 50F weather on bicycles!

Today I'm riding back to school to help our cross country coach at a cross country meet. I'm sure the folk there will think I'm insane for riding in under 40F, but I have plenty of ski-type clothes so I do believe I'll be just fine.

RedWineDrinker posted 9/11/2020 07:25 AM

I am moving into Separation this week after 9 months of 3 false recoveries. My WH emailed me a poem this morning expressing his sorrow and acknowledging this may be his life's final curse but he has to do it. Do you think this is just him giving himself a safety net if his A goes wrong once they are actually together?

countrydirt posted 9/11/2020 12:16 PM

I think they try to come up with all kinds of ways to rationalize their moral failings in their minds. My STBXW claims it was about 'love'. I think it's about weakness of character.

fooled13years posted 9/11/2020 13:13 PM


My STBXW claims it was about 'love'

Every time I hear this I pretty much know the person who said it equates love to a feeling.

Anyone in a long term relationship knows love is an action as in sacrifice, commitment, service, vulnerability, compromise and yes of course that feeling.

countrydirt posted 9/12/2020 08:54 AM

Ah yes, the "feelings". Feelings can be so distracting. Hedonistic feelings of the pleasure in the moment can't stay at that fever pitch forever. When they realize that they have to do more exciting things to get the thrill, soon they'll be jumping out of perfectly good airplanes or some other nonsense.

countrydirt posted 9/17/2020 05:02 AM

After a long conversation last night, we agreed to the one outstanding issue of health insurance for our 17 year old. I will keep him on my insurance and she will have a single policy for herself. She mentioned spousal support and I countered with child support and we settled on the insurance. Everything else is easy. We're both trying to pick up a side gig so that we can continue to pay down marital debt so that our equity split will go a bit further.

I'll be filing in the next week to 10 days, so no longer moving into separation but moving on with divorce. Hopefully in 90 days we'll be ready to sell the house and move on with life.

This really stinks, but it is what has to happen.

I'm back at the gym 3 times a week, riding my bicycle to work most days and trying to stay busy. We get students back at my school in the next two weeks, so finally some real teaching.

I spent time last night cleaning up cat shit from my bedroom floor left by her cat. I told her that she had to take that fucker out of my life as well.

I spent about an hour walking and talking with a friend last night and it was nice to see some light at the end of the tunnel and to realize that I can have a life.

countrydirt posted 9/17/2020 08:14 AM

Oh and one other point. I told her that even if she came crawling back when her fantasy falls apart, I likely would not take her back. I also told her that I knew we were divorcing 4 1/2 years ago when all this stuff started because I would never believe a single thing she said.

She did tell me that she has weaned herself from the variety of antidepressants she's been on for most of our marriage and was finally really mourning the death of the marriage that she killed. There's at least that.

The1stWife posted 9/17/2020 08:35 AM

A breath of fresh air ....... not having to deal with all of this drama.

Best of luck and here’s to calm and tranquility 👍🏻

nekonamida posted 9/17/2020 17:00 PM

I told her that even if she came crawling back when her fantasy falls apart, I likely would not take her back.

Country, be careful about saying things like this because I don't think it's sending the message that you want. A WS like yours can hear this and think, "Great! There's a small chance that the BS will take me back if this all blows up! I just need to pull on their heart strings hard enough and say X, Y, and Z for this to work." And that's why you are already getting stuff like this:

She did tell me that she has weaned herself from the variety of antidepressants she's been on for most of our marriage and was finally really mourning the death of the marriage that she killed. There's at least that.

And it's making you pause. Not only is there SO much wrong with that statement like that fact that no one should be weaning themselves off of ANY medication without approval and guidance from their doctor/IC but really? After 4 1/2 years, a new DDay, separation, declaration of D, just about everything one would expect would be a final end to the marriage outside of a judge signing off on it and JUST NOW she is mourning her murdering the marriage? It's completely ridiculous if true but also sounds like a crumb of hopium she may have thrown out in response to you telling her there is a slight chance you will embark on R with her again in the future if she comes crawling back and seems to regret it enough.

This is not something worth pausing and dwelling on as potentially her beginning to get it because nothing about her ACTIONS have changed. Even if she is grieving her murder of your marriage, she's still moving out. If you have not witnessed her initiating NC and you do not have transparency to ensure NC is being kept, she's still talking to OW. She's still carrying out the exact same actions that lead to the marriage ending without much of a fight other than she isn't completely happy with the outcome she is bringing to fruition. This is straight out the Cheater's Handbook under "How to Keep Your BS on the Back Burner". Don't stop and listen until you witness REAL ACTIONS that involve cutting OW off for good and throwing herself 110% into IC and fixing what she broke.

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