Dadchats posted 7/11/2020 15:01 PM

Hi, long story short my ex which is the mother of our 2 daughters cheated and then left us for this guy. I know I can't take her back even if she wanted to. The trust has gone, i always had complete trust in her. Anyway ill be honest even though I know she is the one in the wrong i still love her deep down. My issue is this and trying to come to terms with the fact that we can no longer be a family together. I was so determined we would be one of the few families to actually make it work and stay together. I feel like a part of me is missing, it has been 3 months since the breakup, we were together 12 years straight. Even though I have my kids full time which I understand is quite rare for the dad and I love them dearly I just feel this constant emptiness and sense of unfinished business. We had a lot of arguments and issues which I was determined to put right. I know that whatever girl I like/meet in the future will not be the same as its not their mum. Im struggling to deal with this feeling.

nekonamida posted 7/11/2020 15:36 PM

DC, get a good IC and be patient with yourself. 3 months is nothing compared to 12 years. It's going to take some time to fully process this and move on.

Katz13 posted 7/11/2020 17:03 PM

Definitely find someone to talk to. Put your kids first. Recognize this is a process. Come here to vent. You are not alone.

learningtofeel posted 7/11/2020 20:26 PM

Dear Dadchats,
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. All your feelings are totally normal, and they will be with you for a while. You have to mourn the loss of the relationship you thought you had, and get used to the new knowledge. It takes time.

We are all here, and we've been there.

Hang in there, be gentle with yourself.

Justsomeguy posted 7/12/2020 13:05 PM

I am 3.5 years out from Dday#1 and 2 years S. I have my kids 50/50. I dont feel that intensecheartache anymore, but I pretty much live in a constant state of sadness, especially when I am alone without the kids. Covid has exacerbated this for me as i do most everything alone. It sucks any way you look at it.

The good news, is that i reread my journal recently, and I could literally graph my healing progress over the years. It was not a straight line by any means, but the average was upward. So if I project the line, at least I know I will feel a bit better soon.

I get missing the idea of family. This is one of my biggest loses. My STBXWW has a very large extended family. All but one of mine are dead, so it makes for quiet holidays. You are in a tough spot, but you don't need to stay in that. Can you invest in yourself? Once the covid thing changes, I am determined to find ways to get off my ass and socialize. Hope things get better for you.