Gottagetthrough posted 7/16/2020 21:17 PM

It says youre 25 in your signature... do you have kids? If not I say get the heck out.

I was miserable when my Wh left me after the first affair. In 2010. But with time I was like you. I thrived on my own and lost weight, was outside more so looked all tan and pretty... man, the divorce was the time that I was prettiest in my adult life!

I gave him a 2nd chance because we had really young kids. I had a 3rd with him thinking he would never cheat again. Well.. lo and behold, who cheated again? My husband.

And now I have to do it all over again (divorce)

Newlifeisgreat posted 7/17/2020 20:37 PM

When is the divorce final?

You are doing great, but return to NC status

Whoami17 posted 7/20/2020 10:21 AM

Greta!!! You go guy!!!

Live your life to the fullest!!!

Thanks bluewater! After this I'll be looking to take any travel opportunities too :)

I was doing great too and then returned our wedding album and other items to her. I felt bad seeing her cry and my Knight In Shinning Armor complex almost came out again.

I feel that's pretty much what was happening to me too, fooled13years.

As mine did, your no contact clock reset to zero after meeting with her. Staying no contact will bring you back to being generally happier very soon.

This is definitely the case. I do feel like I am back to the start in many ways again, but this time with the wisdom of how effective NC is and the additional helpful feedback here :)

It says youre 25 in your signature... do you have kids? If not I say get the heck out.

No kids, yeah, Gottagetthrough! So I'm trying to move on with a clean break although there are still hard days, but no doubt those go on for some time.

When is the divorce final?
You are doing great, but return to NC status

Newlifeisgreat, it's actual not even began yet. I'm in a part of the UK which is a little backward in that if my WW wouldn't admit to more than a BJ then I can't file for divorce on grounds of adultery.
I don't fancy going down the route of inappropriate behaviour because you have to come up with a large list of different issues so I'm just waiting for a clean divorce by Christmas 2012. So until then I'm separated but not divorced.

Whoami17 posted 7/22/2020 04:38 AM

Hey guys, just posting a quick follow up/update.

So I had a call from WW regarding some other items of mine (that I don't want) and from how she spoke on that regarding the end of our relationship I'm now totally clear on the fact that it was an exit affair.

I never wanted to talk regarding our relationship but she made comments on parts and how it was unfortunate things just didn't work out, we became different etc and how that she never has a bad word to say about me to anyone.

I took from it she had her mind made up, didn't have the guts to speak to me about issues and decided an affair would be the fun and easy way out of the R. It wasn't as if she went very far to hide it, but she clearly regretted doing what she did in so far as it hurt me so much.

So yeah, I think now she regrets the decision to have the A and the impact it initially had on me, but I feel she is constantly conflicted and convincing herself that we finished over other issues and is hiding from what she done inside herself. I believe she uses this to convince herself she's doing fine without me and it was the right call, but no doubt deep down she wishes she didn't do it so that we could of still had a chance.

This was just a little rant, but I feel I now have more clarity over the situation at least which is always good

HalfTime2017 posted 7/22/2020 16:58 PM

Closure is good my man. Now that you have it, which many others never do, shut that door and never let it open again. This women has taken enough of your time. Let her be a drag to herself.

I see others on her like Gottagetthrough and wholly mole, 10 yrs wasted. No offense to Gottagetthrough, as that was her journey, and you'll have yours. You will get past this, just don't let her back in.

Whoami17 posted 7/23/2020 02:59 AM

Thanks HalfTime2017. I do believe I finally have that closure I never felt I had before.

I still don't understand why or how she came to the decision that she did, but I'm at that point now that I don't feel like I need to anymore as I'm accepting it and moving on as best I can.

I was proud that during our call I never stopped her in her tracks with her train of thought to give my argument to it or my thoughts on it. I let her finish and just said that I don't wish to discuss this anymore and left it at that.

In the early days post A I was constantly asking things and trying to understand so I've come a long way since then in quite a short time which is great, but I'm aware there are still going to be more dark days ahead given it is bumpy terrain on the road to recovery from what I've read on here.

I'm glad this happened relatively early in our marriage, I'm still young and I've had the guidance and support of people on here to keep me on the right track.

Thank you all