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Ex trying to play victim post-divorce. Normal WS behavior?

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twicefooled posted 8/25/2020 12:29 PM

You've been heard.

My ex told people that I was controlling. I guess if you consider telling someone to stop doing drugs controlling, then I was controlling.

His AP, days after I left him, messaged me saying that her and I needed to get along for the sake of the children (because I was obviously the problem in their fairytale). It was utterly out of character AND satisfying to tell her to f*&% herself and never contact me again (they lasted a few weeks lol)

I took my ex off of my social media and refuse to listen to anyone that wants to tell me about his posts. I protect my own mental health and don't need to know.


ColdChickenNugge posted 8/25/2020 14:17 PM

I've gotten advice from several BS that I should "expose her to everyone". Based on evidence, her mom was well aware that she was seeing her AP during our marriage. Unlike my STBX and her mom, the rest of her family seem to be decent people. Her aunt and uncle gave us faith based premarital counseling, and married us as well. They are very religious (Christians) and preached to us the importance of faith, love and trust in marriage. We are Christians too, but not nearly as hardcore as them.

I'm friends with her family and social media, and even have some of their numbers. Should I put energy into exposing her cheating to her extended family, or just focus on healing and moving on? Honestly, I feel like I should just move on.

Adlham posted 8/25/2020 15:08 PM

Yeah, so typical.

As a matter of fact, I am also "that fucking bitch," STILL and its been 20 years

He beat me, cheated on me so he could tell me all about how "honest" he is with a smile on his narcissistic face, tried to kidnap my child, and then dropped out of her life.

He would contact her every few years to complain about what a horrible person I am. She finally told him to stop contacting her.

But yeah, he's the victim

Buffer posted 8/25/2020 19:51 PM

Brother shine a light on her wayward ways, why do you have to be the bad person here?
One day at a time

Slanted posted 8/28/2020 11:39 AM

These counter-narratives, to many a cheater, are lifelines to not having to feel bad or engage in introspection. As it gets bolstered by their friends who have no idea of the reality, it sets like concrete. Probably safe to expect that this will remain your new role in her life. It's miserable.

I am going through the same. There's nothing for it but to try to wall it off as best you can.

Phoenix1 posted 8/28/2020 12:30 PM

Should I put energy into exposing her cheating to her extended family, or just focus on healing and moving on?

You don't need to focus energy on exposure for the sake of exposure. Focus on your healing, but when a situation presents itself (and it will over time) you can calmly state facts/truth to counter any false understanding then go right back to focusing on yourself. Exposure doesn't need to consume your time or energy. The point being, don't cover for her when those opportunities DO arise.

DevastatedDee posted 8/28/2020 12:39 PM

I think that my XWH truly believed that I abandoned him and "threw him away". He seemed to believe that he was entitled to do whatever he wanted, behave in any way he wished and hurt me, but I was supposed to be the one who took the marriage seriously and kept it afloat. I was meant to be the adult while he played the child. He seemed to actually feel like an abandoned child when I noped out of that whole situation. I don't know at what point he decided that I had given birth to him.

I suspect the reason so many are suddenly victims when we leave is some weird version of that. I also suspect that not one of us here intended to marry a child.

EllieKMAS posted 8/28/2020 12:44 PM

I'm the biggest asshole that ever lived and apparently so is every other Betrayed here with an unremorcful spouse/ex.

Hi, Biggest Asshole. I'm "That Fucking Bitch".
*tips hat
Biggest Asshole, That Fucking Bitch, I am "The Source of all his Anger" according to a friend relaying what was on his fakebook page

Fuckin-a. They are so stupid... SO STUPID.

Nugs, a LOT of WS's do this shit. If you wanted to expose on your fb, I say go for it - just keep it factual and as unemotional as possible. But if you just want to move on, do so. You do what is best for YOU and your healing.

Let her post whatever unicorn bullshit she wants to - it doesn't change her into a good person it just highlights her pathetic twattiness even more. I do highly recommend blocking too. I did that shortly after we separated and have never regretted it for a second.

DevastatedDee posted 8/28/2020 15:37 PM

Biggest Asshole, That Fucking Bitch, I am "The Source of all his Anger" according to a friend relaying what was on his fakebook page
Fuckin-a. They are so stupid... SO STUPID.

Well, Source of all his Anger, if you hadn't been so damned selfish with all your objecting to bad treatment, you wouldn't also be such a fucking bitch. With all your standards and self-respect and shit.

fareast posted 8/28/2020 17:21 PM

The stages a newly divorced WS goes through (still in the fog):


[This message edited by fareast at 5:38 PM, August 28th (Friday)]

nekonamida posted 8/29/2020 13:07 PM

"Don't apologize for wanting more"

I really hope you told your friend that her not apologizing for wanting more sex from strangers is exactly why the D is happening. She's not wrong about that one.

Yep, this is right out of the Cheater's Handbook from the section labeled "Tips for Damage Control in the Event of a Divorce". Most cheaters who are thinking about D strike hard and fast at lying to friends and family about the BS. Many start before DDay as a precaution for when shit blows up. She will likely always see herself as a poor victim of circumstance instead of as the lying cheater who blew up her marriage.

ColdChickenNugge posted 8/30/2020 17:57 PM

[This message edited by ColdChickenNugge at 5:58 PM, August 30th (Sunday)]

Lifeexploded posted 8/31/2020 20:25 PM

I have a new one. The other day I found d out from my ex, that he thinks he asked for the divorce. Thats not quite how the conversation went. Our convo ended with him saying "So do you want a divorce then?" Me "Yes. I do."

Either way it doesn't matter, I had been planning it for two years. I even cooked up a scheme to get him doing half the meal planning and cooking. Not so much to help me out, but so he would be able to cook for our kids after we split. It worked. After 3 months he still only cooks the dishes I taught him how to make. But I know the kids are fed, and they are fed dishes that remind them of home.

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