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Just got dumped

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sewardak posted 9/12/2020 15:06 PM

Iíve read this entire thread. Ya gotta ask yourself why would you WANT to be with someone who treats you like this??

Never contact her again. Sheís not worthy of your energy time and heartache.

Donít try to ďmake it work.Ē Be done with bullshit like this.

Kintsugi posted 9/14/2020 18:10 PM

GTS, how you doing? Hope you're watching YouTube videos. I'm struggling as well, tough day.

I'm going to give you some perspective. I'm on day 13 of straight no contact. Day 81 of my breakup. I did a timeline today on the contact and interaction, from both of us, mostly me. Geez, it's ugly. Clearly evident of how damn hard this is, probably the toughest thing I've ever had to grieve, or at leat how I've framed it, but the pain and feelings of loss are real. This too is a work in progress.

It took me 3-4 weeks just to figure out the basic valid concept of no contact. There is alot of online misinformation that we as the dumpee WANTS to believe. It's BS, and only selling products and offering quick fixes. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Use this time to move on, focus on yourself and figure out what you want, how you can be a better you. Adopt a mindset of abundance vs. scarcity, there is someone better out there for us both, and those who are also hurting.

You're still early enough to avoid the mistakes I made. Seize it.

[This message edited by Kintsugi at 7:19 PM, September 14th (Monday)]

babypuke posted 9/14/2020 20:44 PM

I read many "Get Ex Back" - books, the only one that made sense was the book of Toronto Love Doctor Yangi Akiteng. I also learned the truth in "She is an ex for a reason"...Doc Love and his book The System, and his radio show on YouTube, helped me understand too. But Love Doctors, love yourself first!

In this case the "reason" is still unclear which is a frustrating thing, but while I do understand the need for closure and understanding it is best to stay away from, and to forget, the ex, one may even end up in jail if staying to contact the ex!

Go and focus on YOU, be your own best friend, EX is in the word NEXT! Strength & Good Luck!

babbu posted 9/15/2020 07:55 AM

Her sister offered to go look for the sister's husband, but my girlfriend told her not to leave.

I'm surprised that no one has pointed this out so far. This says quite a bit.

GotTheShaft posted 9/15/2020 09:34 AM

I'm doing a little better. I had tried calling her Friday morning and left a voicemail asking if we could have gotten together last weekend to talk, and she never replied. That was the last attempt for me. I won't reach out again. I'm moving forward.

Saturday afternoon, a female friend I had met 3 years ago (prior to me meeting the ex-girlfriend) but never dated, reached out, and she and I have been texting back and forth ever since. This new source of attention and flirtatious banter has helped a lot with the feelings of abandonment from the abrupt breakup.

On Sunday I was watching football with some buddies, and one of them asked me what I would do if my ex-girlfriend were to call me in a few weeks. I told him that at this point, it would have to be a heck of an explanation in order for me to want to try to work things out.

I could have handled her wanting to take time to process her feelings and think about things prior to talking with me, but the fact that she texted my guy friend right after seeing me at the beach is something that doesn't fit the rest of the story.

I'm at the point where I'm accepting that the relationship is over, and that I'll never get the answers that I seek. I am re-reading The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, and the phases that I've read so far (Shattering, Withdrawal, and Internalizing the Rejection) all appear to describe my situation to a "T". The book describes the abrupt end of the relationship as a form of abandonment, and it explains why we tend to react by trying to cling on to hope of fixing and restoring the relationship. All of this is helping.

I appreciate everyone's comments, condolences, tough love, and encouragement. It's interesting, because after going through my exWW's affair and the divorce, I truly thought I would be done with this type of crap, and I truly thought I was in a healthy relationship with a woman I loved and expected to spend the rest of my life with.

As we all know, we can make all of the plans we want, and God just sits back and laughs. Guess I'll just have to go with the flow, play the hand I'm dealt, and ride it out. This latest EX wasn't the one to fill the full time position.

newlife03 posted 9/15/2020 09:40 AM

As we all know, we can make all of the plans we want, and God just sits back and laughs. Guess I'll just have to go with the flow, play the hand I'm dealt, and ride it out

We can do this together! Good for you in recognizing that you need to move forward, I think that's a huge first step after any break up.

BobPar posted 9/15/2020 11:41 AM

This latest EX wasn't the one to fill the full time position.

There is a sadness in that. Grieve it and move on.

GotTheShaft posted 9/15/2020 13:59 PM

Yes, definitely sadness in that comment for sure. I just didn't see this coming.

Absolution posted 9/17/2020 23:36 PM

How are you doing GTS? Iíve gotten invested in your story.

GotTheShaft posted 9/18/2020 11:35 AM

Thanks Absolution. There's really no update. Haven't reached out since last week, and neither has she. I'm accepting that it's over. It's really sad. I thought I would marry this woman, but evidently, she had other plans. Today is the first day in the last 3 weeks that I haven't felt completely empty inside.

The no explanation, no discussion, no closure aspect of this kills me. It's immature, it's cruel, and I deserve much better. She's proven that she's not the person I thought she was.

I've done everything I possibly could do, and none of it made a bit of difference, so now all I can do is give her space and leave her alone. Time for me to move on. I'll update more if there's any further development in the story, but I don't foresee there being any.

BobPar posted 9/18/2020 22:42 PM

I thought I would marry this woman, but evidently, she had other plans.

You built a new life and expectations of the future. That is particularly tough and amplifies the hurt. You lost more than just her.

Keep doing your work on yourself GTS. Talk to IC. I think you were reading Journey from Abandonment... Go sit with Little GTS and talk to him. Sit with him and put your arm around him. Discuss Little GTS's feelings in your spot.

I'm sorry you are hurting GTS. It really sucks that you are having a hard time.

GotTheShaft posted 9/19/2020 07:59 AM

Thanks BobPar. Thatís a very good idea. I need to talk with Little about my friend too. Heís also abandoned us right now. Thatís a double hurt.

BobPar posted 9/19/2020 11:10 AM

Go beyond your friend when you talk to Little GTS. There are so many other feelings that you need to feel and discuss. Don't rush and dig deep go beyond your friend. Remember to provide Little GTS with his needs while you sit there. If he feels hungry, give him his favorite food. If he is cold, the warmest coziest blanket. Feel the love between you both as you put your arm around him and sit an watch whatever Little likes to watch.
You are going to be OK.

GotTheShaft posted 9/21/2020 10:14 AM

Still no real update. No response from my ex-girlfriend, so I'm letting go - haven't reached out since a week ago Friday. It's so hard, and I feel like I have this emptiness inside me. I know the feeling will eventually subside. I have no other choice. The lack of closure really hurts.

Still no communication with my friend that she has been confiding in. I'm leaving that relationship alone for now. We have been friends for over 30 years, so I'm sure that will work itself out.

I have been talking and texting with this new girl who reached out a little over a week ago. It's helped distract me a little from the hurt over my ex, but I still have that sadness and empty feeling over my ex. I'm supposed to go out with the new girl this coming weekend. Part of me feels like I'm doing something wrong, but I know that's not true. My ex broke up with me and won't call or text me back, so I can only move forward. Just not the plan I had in mind.

blahblahblahe posted 9/21/2020 11:56 AM

Still no communication with my friend that she has been confiding in. I'm leaving that relationship alone for now. We have been friends for over 30 years, so I'm sure that will work itself out.

That appears to look an awful lot like a clue (not necessarily saying there is something going on between them, however, it does say a lot about both of them as people (character) in relation to your well being.

These types of people (X and the quasi-friend) are generally best contained in my humble opinion.

Brokenheart29 posted 9/23/2020 15:46 PM

Hi GTS.

Iíve not been on this site in months and thought Iíd have a quick peek tonight. Iím so sad to have came across your post. Youíve helped me so much and I can tell you are a lovely, decent guy. This is her loss entirely. I believe everything happens for a reason. Her being a coward and ending it is leading you to where you are meant to be. You just canít see it yet. At the very least she didnít deserve you so she has freed you from a lie. Hang in there. Better days will arrive youíve gone through worse. Grieve your loss and fake it till you make it.

GotTheShaft posted 9/23/2020 16:05 PM

Thanks Brokenheart29. This has been so incredibly rough on me, and I don't really know why I'm taking it so hard. I really thought she was my future after going through my horrible divorce. She has so much going on in her life - 2 teenage boys full time, father declining from dementia and mother stressed out trying to care for him, mother making her feel guilty for not spending more time with them, boss checked out at her work so she's running her office. Combine that with Covid-19 hysteria. I think she just freaked out, but I really don't understand why she bailed on me. At the end of the day, she is a 46 year old woman with all of these challenges. She's beautiful, but still - not many guys are going to step into that scenario. I was committed and doing my best to help.

If I were able to step outside myself to give myself advice, I would certainly tell me to run like mad and get away while I can. But she still has my heart, and truth be told, if she called today I would run right back to her and try to fix things. Ugh. I just never thought I would be in this situation. My heart hurts so much. I honestly thought I was going to marry her.

GotTheShaft posted 9/25/2020 08:54 AM

It's been 4 weeks today since she broke up with me, and I'm really struggling this morning. Went out with a new girl last night, but my heart is still with my ex girlfriend. I feel empty. This hurt is so similar to when I went through my exWW's infidelity and our divorce.

I just want to feel better and not hurt so much.

WhoTheBleep posted 9/25/2020 09:14 AM

I'm so sorry you are hurting. Breakups suck big time. My Spidey senses are up, though.

A sudden breakup without explanation.

This.

the fact that she texted my guy friend right after seeing me at the beach is something that doesn't fit the rest of the story.

And then this, from a friend of 30 years...

I need to talk with Little about my friend too. Heís also abandoned us right now. Thatís a double hurt.

Don't be shocked if your ex and friend reemerge sometime in the future as a "new" couple...that "just sorta happened."

I'm glad to hear you are out dating. As mentioned above, just fake it till you make it. The hurt will lessen, probably somewhat gradually. It will take time.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:15 AM, September 25th (Friday)]

GotTheShaft posted 9/25/2020 09:21 AM

Believe me I have thought about the fact that there is/was something happenings between my ex and my friend. But I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and not paint everything with my infidelity brush. He just started dating someone 3 months ago and seems to be very into this new girl. I know that means very little, but I really hope they weren't cheating on me.

But, I certainly don't see what he has to gain by remaining friends with her and abandoning me. Unless he's trying to get together with her.

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