Natashadaily posted 9/5/2020 05:05 AM

Hi - I just found out that my husband (25 years) is still seeing his affair partner, and D-day was over 2 years ago. Every time he ends the affair (which has happened many times) he keeps going back to her. When I eventually find out, I take him back , every time.

This time, I'm pretty sure I'm finally done. I say “pretty sure” because despite it all, I still love him and want to stay married. But he clearly can't shake her, so I have no choice at this point. He doesn't know that I know he's still cheating. I want to start preparing for the separation/divorce now.

I would really appreciate any advice on what to expect and what I should do to prepare.

The1stWife posted 9/5/2020 07:22 AM

I’m hoping that in the past few months or do you have formulated your exit plan. Or gotten your plan B together.

First say nothing of your plan to your Cheating Husband. Next get copies of all your financial document me get and proof of all assets. Copies of tax returns and W-2 statements.

Start putting $ into an account in your name alone. Don’t tell him. Just do it.

Get copies of all investments, 401k statement refers and retirement accounts.

Get copies of credit cards and debt - mortgage, loans etc.

Get copies of all insurance policies and auto ID cards etc.

Any other assets like boats or vehicles or things like artwork or things w/ significant value - get proof of it.

Then see an attorney. Earn about the Divorce laws in your state. See if mediation is an option. Learn how long you need to be separated before you D if that applies in your state.

Look for a good counselor to support you throughly this process. And when you are ready to file you tell your H you are D him.

Don’t let him try to sweet talk yiu with promises of changes. He’s had 2 years and chose to cheat.

Gottagetthrough posted 9/5/2020 08:32 AM

Everything the the1stwife said.

Try to disengage. I am divorcing my Wh who cheated in 2009 -2010 (lived with OW... and cheated on her!). And then had an EA that I found out about last thanksgiving.

It’s hard to not love these people. Man, we married them! We threw our whole hearts into loving them and creating a family.

But that’s over. They don’t want it. It’s like trying to get your sister to play with you when you’re a kid and she just wants to sit inside and read. Even if you convince her to go with you, she’s going to be half hearted and back to what she really wants to do as soon as possible.

I don’t want someone who’s just tagging along in life because I’m begging them to. We are all better than that!!

Chrysalis123 posted 9/5/2020 09:02 AM

Look for a good counselor to support you throughly this process.

And to help you with discovering why you allowed yourself to be abused by this guy over and over and over. This will help you heal and move forward due to the trauma bond you have with him.