Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: FaithGrace

Divorce/Separation :
How to prepare?

This Topic is Archived
default

 Natashadaily (original poster new member #75130) posted at 11:05 AM on Saturday, September 5th, 2020

Hi - I just found out that my husband (25 years) is still seeing his affair partner, and D-day was over 2 years ago. Every time he ends the affair (which has happened many times) he keeps going back to her. When I eventually find out, I take him back , every time.

This time, I'm pretty sure I'm finally done. I say “pretty sure” because despite it all, I still love him and want to stay married. But he clearly can't shake her, so I have no choice at this point. He doesn't know that I know he's still cheating. I want to start preparing for the separation/divorce now.

I would really appreciate any advice on what to expect and what I should do to prepare.

posts: 1   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2020
id 8583763
default

The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:22 PM on Saturday, September 5th, 2020

I’m hoping that in the past few months or do you have formulated your exit plan. Or gotten your plan B together.

First say nothing of your plan to your Cheating Husband. Next get copies of all your financial document me get and proof of all assets. Copies of tax returns and W-2 statements.

Start putting $ into an account in your name alone. Don’t tell him. Just do it.

Get copies of all investments, 401k statement refers and retirement accounts.

Get copies of credit cards and debt - mortgage, loans etc.

Get copies of all insurance policies and auto ID cards etc.

Any other assets like boats or vehicles or things like artwork or things w/ significant value - get proof of it.

Then see an attorney. Earn about the Divorce laws in your state. See if mediation is an option. Learn how long you need to be separated before you D if that applies in your state.

Look for a good counselor to support you throughly this process. And when you are ready to file you tell your H you are D him.

Don’t let him try to sweet talk yiu with promises of changes. He’s had 2 years and chose to cheat.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14772   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8583793
default

Gottagetthrough ( member #27325) posted at 2:32 PM on Saturday, September 5th, 2020

Everything the the1stwife said.

Try to disengage. I am divorcing my Wh who cheated in 2009 -2010 (lived with OW... and cheated on her!). And then had an EA that I found out about last thanksgiving.

It’s hard to not love these people. Man, we married them! We threw our whole hearts into loving them and creating a family.

But that’s over. They don’t want it. It’s like trying to get your sister to play with you when you’re a kid and she just wants to sit inside and read. Even if you convince her to go with you, she’s going to be half hearted and back to what she really wants to do as soon as possible.

I don’t want someone who’s just tagging along in life because I’m begging them to. We are all better than that!!

posts: 3843   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8583813
default

Chrysalis123 ( member #27148) posted at 3:02 PM on Saturday, September 5th, 2020

Look for a good counselor to support you throughly this process.

And to help you with discovering why you allowed yourself to be abused by this guy over and over and over. This will help you heal and move forward due to the trauma bond you have with him.

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Just for the record darling, not all positive changes feel positive in the beginning -S C Lourie

posts: 6709   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2010
id 8583822
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy