SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don’t even know where to start; it’s a never ending saga. My WH and I have been living apart for 4.5 years, it’s been over a year since I’ve seen him. His A was two years into us being separated by the military. A ended when he got orders overseas. He was medevaced back to the states last summer because of severe ptsd flare where I had to call and get him help. He had a Med board in where he should have been found eligible for medical retirement with almost 20 years of service. But then there was a pandemic and everything came to a halt. While waiting for the Med board to call with a date and time for him to appear he decided to drop the Med board because he was in his window to retire. All forms were signed and approved for his retirement and terminal leave to begin in August, except for one. That form was never signed because of a clerical error years and years ago. A date was entered into the system wrong pushing his retirement back another 10 months. His command, realizing he’s been screwed multiple times since he’s been there organized a plan with him. Started with a humanitarian package for him to come home and help me because we have a special needs child, I work full time and have my own medical problems causing a decline in my health. Everyone fully expects that package to be denied. When it’s denied, their plan was to send him home on TAD orders to finish out most of his enlistment. Ive left a bunch out but that’s the gist of it.

Yesterday, he was told that the TAD orders are just a thought, whereas when it was intialy brought up it was presented as a done deal. There is no recourse for correcting the clerical error. No one at that command is interested in doing anything to help. He’s just stuck, day in and day out sitting in a barracks room waiting for the phone to ring. I’m stuck a thousand miles away trying to hold everything together, our daughter, pets, house, homeschooling, job, all my doctors appointments.

I’m so over this! I just want my husband home so we can try and fix this, so he can help with his kid and his responsibilities here. At this point, I’m hoping at my rheumatology appt she wants to schedule a surgery so we can at least try to get him home on leave to help as well as possibly give a definitive diagnosis to add to the list.

His plan for tomorrow is to read through a 400 page manual to see if he qualifies for early retirement. He is in Wounded Warrior, they have been of no help to him. I formally requested an IG investigation a year ago they found no wrong doing on the commands behalf. I have filed a complaint with joint commission at the same time as the IG complaint. There doesn’t seem to be any recourse for anything. As much as I would like to have a beer and go to bed, I can’t. I’m on call tonight. Hopefully we will have news tomorrow on something.

I have heard how Wounded Warrior has been less than helpful in other situations.

I’m sorry for you and your H. I hope this saga ends soon.

You both deserve better.

That is a lot to be going through. Holy cow!

I cannot imagine that being away from your H for so long and all this craziness gives you any opportunity to even begin to process the A. Sounds like survival mode is as good as you've been able to hope for.

I'm not much help, but want you to know you are not alone. Take any little morsel of time that you can to care for yourself. You sound really strong to me Gemini, and I hope the day you don't have to be so strong on your own comes soon.

I will be hoping for some good news for you tomorrow!

Gemini83

I’m over this year. Vent

This year has truly sucked. It started for me on New Years day.

I don’t even know where to start; it’s a never ending saga. My WH and I have been living apart for 4.5 years, it’s been over a year since I’ve seen him. His A was two years into us being separated by the military. A ended when he got orders overseas. He was medevaced back to the states last summer because of severe ptsd flare where I had to call and get him help. He had a Med board in where he should have been found eligible for medical retirement with almost 20 years of service. But then there was a pandemic and everything came to a halt. While waiting for the Med board to call with a date and time for him to appear he decided to drop the Med board because he was in his window to retire. All forms were signed and approved for his retirement and terminal leave to begin in August, except for one. That form was never signed because of a clerical error years and years ago. A date was entered into the system wrong pushing his retirement back another 10 months. His command, realizing he’s been screwed multiple times since he’s been there organized a plan with him. Started with a humanitarian package for him to come home and help me because we have a special needs child, I work full time and have my own medical problems causing a decline in my health. Everyone fully expects that package to be denied. When it’s denied, their plan was to send him home on TAD orders to finish out most of his enlistment. Ive left a bunch out but that’s the gist of it.

Yesterday, he was told that the TAD orders are just a thought, whereas when it was intialy brought up it was presented as a done deal. There is no recourse for correcting the clerical error. No one at that command is interested in doing anything to help. He’s just stuck, day in and day out sitting in a barracks room waiting for the phone to ring. I’m stuck a thousand miles away trying to hold everything together, our daughter, pets, house, homeschooling, job, all my doctors appointments.

I’m so over this! I just want my husband home so we can try and fix this, so he can help with his kid and his responsibilities here. At this point, I’m hoping at my rheumatology appt she wants to schedule a surgery so we can at least try to get him home on leave to help as well as possibly give a definitive diagnosis to add to the list.

His plan for tomorrow is to read through a 400 page manual to see if he qualifies for early retirement. He is in Wounded Warrior, they have been of no help to him. I formally requested an IG investigation a year ago they found no wrong doing on the commands behalf. I have filed a complaint with joint commission at the same time as the IG complaint. There doesn’t seem to be any recourse for anything. As much as I would like to have a beer and go to bed, I can’t. I’m on call tonight. Hopefully we will have news tomorrow on something.

I wish I had some advice on what to do. All I can say is that you are doing an admirable job hanging in there.

This is something a member of Congress can help with. I urge you to get in touch with either or all of your Representative and/or Senators. It would be better still if your H could get in touch.

Doing so will at least make someone at DOD do something.

He got some news this morning. After the CO signed his package two weeks ago, no one did anything with it. They were supposed to send it to PERS, he was told it was sent to pers and it never happened. It’s going today. He just sent an email to his wounded warrior rep, if he doesn’t get a response in 24 hours he is sending the IG complaint he’s already filled out in.

The IG complaint I filed was in regards to that hospitals mental heath care or lack of. IG responded to mine that it wasn’t IG worthy but what I was alleging was alarming and deserved to be investigated. So they tasked that hospital with investigating themselves. I received a phone call several months ago form the CO’s aide informing me that they found they had found no wrong doing on the behalf of the command. But after reviewing everything they realized their polices might be placing financial hardship on service members so they were going to look into that some more. Interestingly enough the people I mentioned by name in my complaint were suddenly gone. No notice, no one knows if they were fired or quit. I really hope he files that IG complaint. He can not be the only person getting totally screwed there.

The military is so illogical, things like this don’t surprise me.

Do you have a contact at your local Family Support Center to help?

Wives Club? Base Chaplain?

Good Luck Gemini.

Update- his review board is tomorrow. This weekend I found out our daughter has been cutting herself. I spent all day running around taking her to appointments, making appointments and filling out paperwork. Crawled into bed then the crazy text message from a drunken WH started. He’s blaming himself, it’s all his fault. Then he started talking about killing himself anyone who I sent to his door. Then he stopped responding to texts. I’ve made calls for him yet again, and am now waiting for someone to call me back if WH is dead or alive and how many people he may have hurt. Fuck, it’s going to be a long night.