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Newest Member: ZombieGirl2

Divorce/Separation :
4 years ago today....

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 SuperDaddy1027 (original poster member #59344) posted at 3:08 PM on Friday, December 4th, 2020

Was my Dday. I read through countless texts and pictures and tried to comprehend what had/was happening. My 35 year old wife was sleeping with her 60 year old boss. Despite what I was reading I kept saying “No...this can’t be real. She would never do this”

As the saying goes....no matter how long you know someone (or are married to them) sometimes you never really know that person at all.

Today, I’m happy and healthy and 100% divorced from XWW. I have a great GF that loves me for me (we actually dated in High School....she’s a BS as well).

My kids are doing great (considering the given situation)

My XWW has left me alone. We talk about kids only and don’t do anything together. We’ve had some minor issues with our son “acting out”. We may send him to counseling but I even told XWW he doesn’t act like that at my house. He’s no angel here but he’s not mean and violent like he is at his Mom’s. I truly think its the whole not going to school, not seeing friends that has gotten to him. But still, never too late to discuss counseling. I’ve spoken to my DS. He seems to open up to me more than his Mom. He told me his Mom punishes him for the dumbest things (which I agree) but also reinforced he has to respect her. She is his Mother. He also said he’s sick of being stuck at home (cabin fever). I told him I know. It stinks but it won’t be like this forever.

For anyone going through this hell. All I can say is it will get better. My scars are still there. Getting cheated on his a mind fuck. Add in divorce or even R? And it truly amazes me how people (me included) make it through. But we do. I am no longer a victim. I’m a survivor of the shittiest thing someone has ever done to me. But with the rose colored glasses off....I see XWW for who she truly is and am thankful she’s no longer in my life. I keep my distance from her. I don’t really talk to her unless its related to kids. I’m polite....but not friendly or chummy. I have no desire to be around her if I don’t have to. And it’s not bc I hate her. I’m truly at “meh” with her. And that was the ultimate goal when I started this journey.

Please remember....it will get better. You deserve better. Some days will be better than others. But the big ups and downs will eventually flatten out over time. And one day you’ll look back and it will be nothing more than a tiny blip on your radar of life.

Happy Friday everyone!

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 9:22 AM, December 4th (Friday)]

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2017   ·   location: NC
id 8614248
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Broken1Again ( member #32211) posted at 4:33 PM on Friday, December 4th, 2020

Thank you for posting this. Sometimes we just need to know it will end well and we will be happy again.

WS and I together 31 years.

Two kids 26/23

posts: 1080   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2011
id 8614309
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skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 4:40 PM on Friday, December 4th, 2020

Thank you for that! And, congratulations on your new life!!

Me: BS 56 on DDay 1 - 7/2019 DIVORCED - 1/2021

posts: 1275   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8614321
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Chili ( member #35503) posted at 10:57 PM on Friday, December 4th, 2020

SD!! Good to *see* you.

I just knew you would not only find your footing, but thrive in your new beginnings. You handled all of that mess (including the rocky points of the divorce decree) with such grace and at the same time actually allowing yourself to feel those icky feelings.

I've seen you casually mention the new GF here and there - so glad you have found a companion on your journey.

Hope you will pop in from time to time. I know none of us ever wants to be something resembling an "expert" on this crap, but you've got some hard earned experience you could share for sure.

And good on you for championing respect with your DS - I'm sure getting to "meh" helps so much with reinforcing those kinds of things.

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Took off flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2242   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8614419
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 SuperDaddy1027 (original poster member #59344) posted at 11:36 PM on Friday, December 4th, 2020

Thanks Chili 😉. Yea outta all of this mess I regret nothing on how I handled the separation, or divorce process. There are plenty of things I regret transitioning into a single Dad, but hey we can’t all be perfect 😉.

Yea I’m anything but an expert. But all the advice I initially got I didn’t believe. But now 4 years later I can safely and confidently say It does Get Better! I thought people just said that b/c they didn’t know what else to say. But it is so true. Time is the the true healer!

As long as my kids are happy, I’m good and thats my #1 goal! They are and always will be my #1 priority! Speaking of which it’s movie time with DS and DD. Gonna watch Elf 😊.

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 5:40 PM, December 4th (Friday)]

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2017   ·   location: NC
id 8614425
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squid ( member #57624) posted at 7:28 PM on Saturday, December 5th, 2020

Glad to hear from you, SD! I haven't been on here very much lately but I'm pleased to see a post from you today.

Glad things are levelling out for you!

BH
D-Day 2.19.17
Divorced 12.10.18

This isn’t what any of us signed up for. But it is the hand that we have been dealt. Thus, we must play it.

posts: 2597   ·   registered: Feb. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Central Florida
id 8614516
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 8:33 PM on Saturday, December 5th, 2020

Great post, and glad you are doing well!

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4526   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8614525
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 SuperDaddy1027 (original poster member #59344) posted at 12:55 PM on Sunday, December 6th, 2020

Thanks squid and WTB....Hope you both are doing well!

posts: 854   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2017   ·   location: NC
id 8614608
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GotTheShaft ( member #52466) posted at 7:18 PM on Monday, December 7th, 2020

What a great post SuperDaddy! I'm happy for you!

posts: 432   ·   registered: Mar. 27th, 2016
id 8614880
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:22 AM on Tuesday, December 8th, 2020

Hey SD— glad to see your great post! Time really is magical, isn’t it?

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6480   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8614989
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Outtatime ( new member #74317) posted at 5:15 AM on Friday, December 18th, 2020

Thanks for posting this. Inspiring!

posts: 5   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2020
id 8617575
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 5:23 AM on Friday, December 18th, 2020

Great update!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8617576
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