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wayshegoesboys (original poster new member #75989) posted at 10:33 AM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
[This message edited by wayshegoesboys at 3:22 AM, December 20th (Sunday)]
Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 1:37 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
You dont' have your story anywhere so I'm going to have to make some general guesses from what you've written below.
Since it's her parents I'd pose it as letting them know so they can be there for her. So rather than says... you daughers a whore and I'm washing my hands of her... You would say that thing are going to be rough on her over the next few months but that you can't support her because of her drug use and infedility. You are having to divorce her but hope they can help her find her way...
Again... I don't know your story but with parents it's always better to tell your side but phrase it in a way that their daughter needs their help. Yes they need to know about her drug use and the extent of her infedelity but you don't need to go into details of how many men or what exactly they did (unless they ask specific questions).
It's better to do this sooner than later because she might talk to them first.
Good luck
Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 1:37 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
Double post sorry
[This message edited by Freeme at 7:38 AM, December 15th (Tuesday)]
Freeme ( member #31946) posted at 1:37 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
Double post (sorry)
[This message edited by Freeme at 7:37 AM, December 15th (Tuesday)]
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 1:53 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
I would say you tell the truth as kindly and as compassionately as possible. Freeme is right--it's good to position this as enabling them to be there for her--they need to know what they are dealing with.
If they are truly good people, they will be understandably disappointed, but hopefully still kindly towards you. There are those who turn on the BS--be prepared.
Cat
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 1:58 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
MIL and FIL
I’m sorry to have to tell you this but I’m divorcing your daughter. The reason is her repeated infidelities and her drug use. I hope you will give her the support she needs to heal but for my own sake I need to divorce and distance myself from her.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
wayshegoesboys (original poster new member #75989) posted at 2:07 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
[This message edited by wayshegoesboys at 3:22 AM, December 20th (Sunday)]
wayshegoesboys (original poster new member #75989) posted at 2:15 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
[This message edited by wayshegoesboys at 3:23 AM, December 20th (Sunday)]
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 2:18 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
Doesn’t matter what side they are on.
You are divorcing. A year from now you might stop and chat with them at the mall but you won’t be going over for dinner or spending Thanksgiving with them.
Divorce isn’t a competition. The one with the most on his side doesn’t get a trophy.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
wayshegoesboys (original poster new member #75989) posted at 2:44 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
[This message edited by wayshegoesboys at 3:23 AM, December 20th (Sunday)]
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 3:16 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
That’s why you are upfront and truthful as to why you are divorcing.
If they disown her it’s not your issue.
When you divorce someone you are basically firing them from your life. It might be compared to you being a boss who has to fire an employee that’s also your best friend. Only he never meets deadlines, is constantly late to work and takes 2 hour lunches. Once you fire him it’s no longer your role to make sure he meets a deadline in his new job. Doesn’t mean you don’t care – its just not your role.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
wayshegoesboys (original poster new member #75989) posted at 3:50 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
[This message edited by wayshegoesboys at 3:23 AM, December 20th (Sunday)]
wayshegoesboys (original poster new member #75989) posted at 3:52 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
[This message edited by wayshegoesboys at 3:24 AM, December 20th (Sunday)]
Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 4:15 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
Move. Pack up personal stuff and move. Nothing in your home is worth getting into trouble over. Leave it all behind. Get a lawyer asap. Asap. Asap. You need someone who knows what’s going on to guide you. Mentally unstable people do unstable things. You know that! Get yourself to a safe place. Asap.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 4:53 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
I know this is going to sound kinda harsh and is way easier said than done, but if you're divorcing her than what happens to her is not your circus anymore. I get it - my xwh was/is completely incapable of adulting and I worried about what would happen to him too. Well when we separated, he moved in with his parents. Then less than 3 months after our D was final, he moved in with some married couple to be brother-husband or whatever 
I'm just glad to know he lives on the other side of the country now.
Point being - your stbxww will figure out her shit. Or she won't. Not your issue anymore. Take care to protect yourself from her as far as the mental instability, let her parents know that you're filing for D because she is an active addict that has cheated on you to provide herself with drugs, and put the rest in the care of the universe/god/higher power. That's all you really CAN do.
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 4:58 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
Keep it short and direct.
Do not allow any leeway for maybe this or that.
I’m divorcing. Period.
wayshegoesboys (original poster new member #75989) posted at 5:08 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
[This message edited by wayshegoesboys at 3:24 AM, December 20th (Sunday)]
wayshegoesboys (original poster new member #75989) posted at 5:15 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
[This message edited by wayshegoesboys at 3:24 AM, December 20th (Sunday)]
wayshegoesboys (original poster new member #75989) posted at 5:32 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
[This message edited by wayshegoesboys at 3:25 AM, December 20th (Sunday)]
EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 6:00 PM on Tuesday, December 15th, 2020
I am sensing a lot of fear in your posts, and what-if this or that's. I get it - I remember feeling that when I first filed too. It's scary. Divorce is life-changing no doubt.
But honestly, as best you can do, try to stay in the here and now. Cus a lot of what-if can happen, but it doesn't always. Focus on what you need to do today. Try to not think about all the potential crap that maybe possibly could happen tomorrow. It's easy to get overwhelmed with everything if you get too far ahead of yourself.
A lot of lawyers will offer free or low-cost consultations for D's. Find out what you can on your own and maybe try a few lawyers to answer any legal questions you can't sort through on your own. Not sure where you're at, but in my state, xwh and I agreed on everything and were able to file everything ourselves at our county courthouse and it really did not cost much.
And beyond all that, just breathe. It sucks and is gonna suck for a while yet, but you will get through it I promise.
"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger
"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park
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