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Katz13 (original poster member #41886) posted at 5:03 AM on Sunday, January 17th, 2021
The AP’s H called me about 2 weeks ago. Filled in a lot of the blanks. Their D is much more financially complicated. He asked if his P.I. Could contact me. She did. Asked if I’d be willing to come to their hearing. Explained I personally have no concrete evidence of the at least 1 1/2 yearlong A.
I want to be helpful but have no idea what I can contribute.
Has anyone else ever been in court to talk about their spouse’s affair?
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 12:43 PM on Sunday, January 17th, 2021
You can only testify to what you know. If you have evidence mine texts or videos etc then that should be given to the OBS.
Would helping the OBS jeopardize you in any way?
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Katz13 (original poster member #41886) posted at 1:59 PM on Sunday, January 17th, 2021
Helping the OBS is my goal. His PI called me. I told her I didn't have anything concrete such as phone records or pictures. She said to come anyway.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 5:35 PM on Sunday, January 17th, 2021
Also, sometimes once the other side sees you sitting there with the PI, they settle out of court.
All this info should also help your D hearing. In my state, a proven affair splits assets 60/40, debt 40/60, and impacts alimony/no alimony.
Don’t tell anyone you are going to the hearing!! 
Just let the AP get all rattled so her day in court ends badly for her. 
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 12:54 PM, January 17th (Sunday)]
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
Ratpicker ( member #57986) posted at 8:40 PM on Sunday, January 17th, 2021
I've gotten a subpoena for a divorce trial (not mine but my attorney issued it). It is often used to have your presence rattle the opposition.
You might get a subpoena for a deposition to find out what information you do have or for a trial without any reasonable expectation of putting you on the stand.
Edited to add: I agree with the statement - don't tell anyone you even talked to the PI let alone get a subpoena.
[This message edited by Ratpicker at 2:41 PM, January 17th (Sunday)]
Road of life is paved with dead squirrels who couldn't make a decision.
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 1:38 PM on Monday, January 18th, 2021
You might get a subpoena for a deposition to find out what information you do have or for a trial without any reasonable expectation of putting you on the stand.
I subpoena'd STBXW's boss as part of my divorce. If you get one, you don't have a choice but to participate... so there's no sense in worrying about what is beyond your control.
As far as participating with the PI, you should seriously think about how involved you want to get. Maybe you are pissed as hell at AP and you want to do whatever you can to help OBS... if so, go for it. Maybe you just want to move on and stay out of it... if so, that's fine too.
One thing to know is that you might be treated horribly if you participate. STBXW's lawyer treated my 'expert witness' terribly while on the stand, although I didn't feel too bad about that because I paid the guy more than $300 per hour to testify. STBXW's lawyer also treated my friend/co-worker horribly while she was on the stand (she handles HR issues for my job). I completely regret getting her involved.
So, tread carefully but mostly do what feels right for you.
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
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