Thrownaway29 posted 1/18/2021 08:40 AM

The dissolution hearing is set for Friday. Trying to deal with the last minute pleas of let's cancel the hearing, I don't want to be divorced... Well I didn't want a spouse that repeatedly ran after someone else while letting me know that I had no value, wasn't attractive, never made him happy... you know how that goes! Now I am just supposed to believe that I am the center of his world... I may not be the brightest light bulb in the pack but really.....

The dissolution will go on as scheduled. I deserve security in at least the financial front. I don't know what the future holds for me but I do know that I deserve to have solid ground to stand on and then I can evaluate which way to go from there. Here's to reaching that solid ground!

The1stWife posted 1/18/2021 08:49 AM

Good for you!!!!

You know if you were to cancel the hearing he would be back to cheating in no time. I like to think of it as “I only want what I can’t have” which explains so many cheaters and their mentality.

Thrownaway29 posted 1/18/2021 10:24 AM

Thefirstwife,

I believe you are right. If I just say ok let's not get divorced, it will only be a matter of time. I am not willing to put myself as the target to that again. Just have to stay strong to get through this. The strength is in getting through the reality of what I thought I committed to isn't and hasn't been what I thought it was. I don't have a choice but to get through it because I won't let this end me and keep me from having a good life. I deserve

Westway posted 1/18/2021 13:12 PM

Congratulations and I hope things go smoothly for you. Fortunately I had an uncontested dissolution so my xWW and I didn't have to go to hearings. I'm hoping you get a fair and equitable judgement.

Thrownaway29 posted 1/18/2021 18:20 PM

Westway we have already signed the dissolution agreement, we just have to meet with the magistrate to confirm that we both agree with what we signed. So it really shouldn't take long it's just a formality.

homewrecked2011 posted 1/18/2021 18:36 PM

I, too, knew ws would be right back to cheating and I could not go thru it again. When he asked to come back , I told him I wanted /deserved it all! That he had to get help for at least 6 months, then I might talk to him, no promises.
Yeah, we all know that is just too much work to save a family.

I’m better off by myself, in fact I’m doing pretty well, as my home is drama free.

skeetermooch posted 1/18/2021 19:22 PM

Congratulations on your resolve. Stay the course. I dragged my divorce out awhile between not filing for months after I had the paperwork done to not filing for final orders until recently because of his begging - he just kept cheating the entire time.

Your STBX just wants to keep all of his options open and save himself some money no doubt.

Good luck!

Thrownaway29 posted 1/18/2021 22:40 PM

Homewrecked
[That he had to get help for at least 6 months, then I might talk to him, no promises.]

I have in essence said the same thing without the time frame of 6 months. I have said that words mean nothing, he needs to prove with actions that he is being truthful. That won't be anytime soon.

Skeeter
[Congratulations on your resolve. Stay the course.] It hasn't been easy but I don't have faith that this is all over. He still works with her, she is now engaged to another guy that works there too. I am sure that will explode and she will run back to WH. He says no way but ever.... I am not giving them the opportunity to cause financial issues or housing issues for my son and I.

Being the person who threw or marriage away I don't think he had the right to try to push me to stop.

Thrownaway29 posted 1/21/2021 18:55 PM

So the hearing is in the morning. And I am ready for this process to be over. And I know it sounds crazy, but I am so emotional tonight because all i can think is I guess this is how 30 years ends. Why does anyone think they have the right to do this to anyone else? I am sure I will never have real answers just more questions. I just have to step away from the situation after tomorrow and work on healing me. Thank you all for listening to me ramble!

phmh posted 1/21/2021 19:23 PM

(((thrownaway)))

I promise that it gets so much better. Tomorrow will be tough. The next few weeks and months will be tough, but things will start getting better. You deserve so much better than what you had before, and now you're going to get it!!!

skeetermooch posted 1/21/2021 20:33 PM

TA99,

I hope it all went well today and you're feeling a sense of relief. You're absolutely doing the right thing.

The1stWife posted 1/22/2021 02:19 AM

Best of luck. We are with you in spirit.

countrydirt posted 1/22/2021 07:21 AM

Thinking of you today. My hearing was last week. It was a phone hearing and in 10 minutes, I was officially divorced. It was pretty anticlimactic. 32 years and 1 month over in a second.

But, I've been feeling happier every day since.

Thrownaway29 posted 1/22/2021 12:43 PM

Thank you everyone! The hearing is over and all I have to do now is wait for the papers to be signed by the judge. I don't know what I would do without all of you!!!

Thrownaway29 posted 1/22/2021 19:05 PM

I just looked online and the judge signed the papers today so it is official as of today. This all seems weird but I am looking forward to finishing what I need to with property and vehicles. Then I can think about something else. I don't even care what that is just something else. Then once I get my mom's estate settled, I will be really free. Look out world lord only knows what I will get into then....

BearlyBreathing posted 1/22/2021 19:41 PM

Bittersweet but hope you feel the lift of the burdens. Congratulations on your next chapter.

Thrownaway29 posted 1/24/2021 07:17 AM

Thank you BearlyBreathing! One day at a time.