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EA leading to divorce

redwing6 posted 1/23/2021 20:58 PM

In June, my wife and had a conversation where I was given an ultimatum..."change or we're getting a divorce." What I didn't know at the time was that she was in the early stages of an emotional affair with someone posing as Val Kilmer.

In early July, this imposter asked her to marry him. She evidently (I came to understand this through comments made in Dec 2020) accepted. So her ultimatum was basically her decision to seek out this guy and leave me.

Since I had decided what she wanted me to change about myself was a central part of my personality, I decided, F it, I'm not gonna do it. So...in late Oct, when our lease on the house we're renting came due, she talked me into renewing the lease (it's a bit more than I can afford solo, but since she's "disabled" she does have a small income) she talked me into renewing the lease. Personally, I'd have not done so, and rented a cheaper place to live. Be that as it may, I'm stuck in a lease, I can barely afford...

So, all through November, she makes plans to fly to Dallas, TX, where Val Kilmer evidently owns a house and this guy is purported to be staying, but is constantly told no, not this time, how about this date. Finally, on December 17, she flies to Dallas...but no one shows up to the airport to pick her up. She spends the next three weeks camping out in DFW airport, eventually flying to LA "to be with her soulmate"

Just after she flew to Dallas, I discover the complete destruction she's accomplished on our finances. Over the past 3 years, because I'd worked in Aviation,as a master cabinetmaker, we'd managed to save $45k for a down payment on a house. Additonally, we had $2k in checking, $3k in savings, as well as her disabilty back pay, about $8k.

She sent this guy, ever cent we had...almost $60k! During this time, I started looking on OLD sites because, well, we're getting a divorce and she's gong to marry a "movie star"...I, in my own way, have arrived at indifference towards my STBXW.

After a month away, she shows back up to the house and demands that I allow her back in, that since we're still married I have to do this. (she'd already let herself in, so it's not like I really had a choice).

So, since she's wandered back and started playing house as if nothing had happened. I'm done. I've filed the no contest divorce papers she left with me, signed and notorized, so we're not going to be married in the very near future. On Valentine's day I have to call for a court date for the final order. I don't think she really thinks I'll go through with it...I will, there is no turning back. I refuse to be anyone's Plan B...

Which leads to me the fact that I've met someone else, a wonderful woman who is everything I've ever hoped for...so, I get a fresh start. and after the divorce is final, I get to evict her since she's not on the lease as a resident (that was her choice).

SO, not every affair ends well. I'm broke, and struggling, but my new GF is wonderful and going to move up to Savannah from Miami so we can explore a life together!

Minnesota posted 1/24/2021 10:35 AM

Redwing-

your ability to detach is commendable. What your crazy WW did was , well, crazy. You seem to be able to look at things with pretty clear eyes.

So I want to caution you about your new GF. I'm sure she's amazing, and I hope she is the ying to your yang. But it's pretty common for us to have rebound relationships. I'm not saying you shouldn't. But it might be smart to take it slow. Keep your eyes open. - and it's not really about her, it's about you. You're coming from a place of profound hurt and betrayal. You're in a precarious place with your money, which adds a level of stress and anxiety. So when I say, "keep an eye open," I'm saying, watch your reactions and look at yourself with loving and honest eyes about who you are and what you need. She might be perfect. You might need healing first. Think about going slow. Good luck.

The1stWife posted 1/25/2021 05:52 AM

She defrauded you out if all that money?

What the hell?!! I am so sorry for you.

Bigger posted 1/25/2021 07:20 AM

Good you are getting out of this marriage.
BUTÖ
Take some time for yourself. Lick the wounds and recover.
Iím guessing wife 1 was everything you hoped for.
As was wife 2.
Get a firm grasp of what it is before you marry this new woman who is everything you hope for. If for no other reason that sheís dating a married man.

babbu posted 1/25/2021 14:47 PM

Serious question, a hundred percent here.

Val Kilmer is disabled. He is also rich. Why did she think she needed to send a rich man money and why did she think a disabled man would take care of her?

Why did she wait for THREE DAYS?

Why did she finally fly to LA?

She came home as if nothing happened.

What I'm getting at here is this woman sounds like she has mental issues. Is she honest to goodness in her right mind? This doesn't sound like someone who is mentally sound and in control of her faculties. I'm not trying to insult her, I'm serious. This does not sound like someone lucid.

annanew posted 1/25/2021 16:47 PM

I don't know if you are far enough out from it yet, but you are 100% going to find this hilarious in 10 years. Val Kilmer. Oh my goodness.

redwing6 posted 1/25/2021 18:00 PM


Minnesota
So I want to caution you about your new GF. I'm sure she's amazing, and I hope she is the ying to your yang. But it's pretty common for us to have rebound relationships. I'm not saying you shouldn't. But it might be smart to take it slow. Keep your eyes open.

Oh, I am taking it slow. My GF isn't moving in, she's moving up here.


Bigger
Take some time for yourself. Lick the wounds and recover.
Iím guessing wife 1 was everything you hoped for.
As was wife 2.
Get a firm grasp of what it is before you marry this new woman who is everything you hope for. If for no other reason that sheís dating a married man.

Bigger, WW1 was a serial cheater who slept with 10-15 different men in the 4 years we were married. WW2 and I have had a dead bedroom for 10-12 years...and a dying one before that. I stopped being married when my STBXW said, "I want a divorce" on Oct 28 of last year. So, I fully understand your advice. Not charging headlong into marriage again. Exploring a life together ain't getting married!


babbu
What I'm getting at here is this woman sounds like she has mental issues. Is she honest to goodness in her right mind? This doesn't sound like someone who is mentally sound and in control of her faculties. I'm not trying to insult her, I'm serious. This does not sound like someone lucid.

Oddly enough, you're not the only person to point that out. Our Rabbi said much the same thing. At this point, I don't care. I just want out, and her out of my house. I've been trying to talk her into moving to PA to stay with our son (her son, actually, but I raised him), but she's decided that "we're still married"...


annanew
Member
Member # 43693
Default Posted: 4:47 PM, January 25th (Monday) View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate Message
I don't know if you are far enough out from it yet, but you are 100% going to find this hilarious in 10 years. Val Kilmer. Oh my goodness.

Oh, if I wasn't bitterly pissed about it, I'd be laughing too.

Buster123 posted 1/25/2021 19:20 PM

So, all through November, she makes plans to fly to Dallas, TX, where Val Kilmer evidently owns a house and this guy is purported to be staying, but is constantly told no, not this time, how about this date. Finally, on December 17, she flies to Dallas...but no one shows up to the airport to pick her up. She spends the next three weeks camping out in DFW airport, eventually flying to LA "to be with her soulmate"

Just after she flew to Dallas, I discover the complete destruction she's accomplished on our finances. Over the past 3 years, because I'd worked in Aviation,as a master cabinetmaker, we'd managed to save $45k for a down payment on a house. Additonally, we had $2k in checking, $3k in savings, as well as her disabilty back pay, about $8k.

She sent this guy, ever cent we had...almost $60k! During this time, I started looking on OLD sites because, well, we're getting a divorce and she's gong to marry a "movie star"...I, in my own way, have arrived at indifference towards my STBXW.

After a month away, she shows back up to the house and demands that I allow her back in, that since we're still married I have to do this. (she'd already let herself in, so it's not like I really had a choice).

Brother I don't know what to say, but I have to agree with some of the posters who said that your STBXWW has SERIOUS mental issues, did she admit to all of that ? the camping out for 3 weeks at the airport ? anyway DO NOT allow her one second in the house after the D, is she at this point at least making arrangements to mover out ? What did she have to say about the 60k she sent to this con artist ? Does the family know about that ? not that it matters at this point, I'm just curious since it looks like she went from 0 to 60 in a short time.

Ripped62 posted 1/25/2021 19:40 PM

I am sorry your soon to be ex wife committed financial infidelity.

I am also very sorry she came back.

I suggest you have nothing to do with her. I hope you are able to get her out of your house and life soon.

grubs posted 1/25/2021 20:36 PM

She left and was gone for 30 days. I think I would have gotten an attorneys advice on whether I could have refused her re-entry. After all she told you that she was going to live elsewhere and left. Just seems a shame to reset the eviction countdown to post divorce.

Lalagirl posted 1/26/2021 05:47 AM

What does your attorney say about the $60k she stole from marital assets?

This woman needs to be put in a loony bin.

redwing6 posted 1/27/2021 11:41 AM

Under Georgia law, since out house is the marital home, I can't evict her until the divorce is finalized. Then I have to go through the eviction process.

I don't have a lawyer because I'm broke.. we filled out the uncontested paperwork before she left.. i filed on the 13th...on Valentines day, I can call to get the court date...then it'll be final.

She insists that we're still married...which is technically true. So, I sit in my room with the door closed and gray rock when ever I have to deal with her.

Does she have mental issues? Yeah, very likely. Is there much I can do about it? No, not going to open thst can of worms. I do carry a VAR with me at all times and openly turn it kn when we have to talk as she's called the cops once already. I play the recording for them and they left.

I'm just waiting it out at this point. I'm probably kk y.going to have to give her my car as she's blown st the money we had and now can't afford to buy 1. I do gave a motorcycle I used as a daily driver...so I'll at least have transportation.

CallingSpades posted 1/27/2021 21:34 PM

I'm probably going to have to give her my car as she's blown st the money we had and now can't afford to buy 1

Whoa, don't assume that. It's not your problem anymore if she doesn't have a car. It's an asset to be divided like everything else. And please tell me you have documented the $ she sent to Val Kilmer. Even if you were agreeing to a 50/50 split, you should subtract that from what she receives. It's dissipation of assets - I can't imagine an agreement that wouldn't include that. If you don't need the car, you can sell it and use the money for your rent (or to get out of your rental contract). She doesn't just get to keep it because she needs it, while you struggle.

[This message edited by CallingSpades at 9:37 PM, January 27th, 2021 (Wednesday)]

Lalagirl posted 1/28/2021 06:55 AM

My god, this must be more prevalent than I thought. Yesterday's Dr. Phil episode had a woman who swore she was communicating with/engaged to Brett Michaels and texts daily with Nikki Sixx.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 6:56 AM, January 28th (Thursday)]

The1stWife posted 1/28/2021 08:38 AM

Lalagirl.

Saw part of that episode. How sad.

I donít understand why rational smart people donít see the red flags when anyone asks them for $. Especially people you donít know. On social media. 🥲😳

redwing6 posted 2/3/2021 19:00 PM

CallingSpades
Member
Member # 71287
Default Posted: 9:34 PM, January 27th (Wednesday) View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate Message
I'm probably going to have to give her my car as she's blown st the money we had and now can't afford to buy 1
Whoa, don't assume that. It's not your problem anymore if she doesn't have a car. It's an asset to be divided like everything else. And please tell me you have documented the $ she sent to Val Kilmer. Even if you were agreeing to a 50/50 split, you should subtract that from what she receives. It's dissipation of assets - I can't imagine an agreement that wouldn't include that. If you don't need the car, you can sell it and use the money for your rent (or to get out of your rental contract). She doesn't just get to keep it because she needs it, while you struggle.

[This message edited by CallingSpades at 9:37 PM, January 27th, 2021 (Wednesday)]

Except that the uncontested divorce papers she signed states specifically that pesonal property remains to the one who ones it...the car is paid for...so, it's not an asset to be divided. Neither is my motorcycle, nor the furniture in the house (though I'll give her what ever she so desires.

Bigger posted 2/4/2021 08:45 AM

Georgia allows that a judge account for misuse of marital finances in the division of assets in a divorce. He can also use the spouses behavior and actions impact division of assets.
In other words: If your wife sent nearly 60k to her new beau without your acceptance or knowledge then itís highly likely that a judge would lean towards you with the division of any remaining assets. Definitely worth a go for IMHO.

redwing6 posted 2/5/2021 10:50 AM

Bigger, Thx for the heads up on that. If she gets nasty, I have the bank records on the now closed accounts to show the judge how she was moving money around and having it disappear.

Also, caught her last night talking to the scammers again. Asked her why she was doing that...and her answer was "because I can." What an idiot.

On the good side, I spoke to our son for the first time in a long while. He's been very busy with his own life...and now he's an adult, I let him do the contacting. He'll be 30 next month. The conversation was...refreshing, to say the least. She borrowed $3800.00 from him (HALF his savings) to give to the scammers!

He has her on low contact at this point because he thinks she's...not living in the real world. He may be right. Also, you have to understand he's my step-son...but since I've been the one to teach him what he needed to know to be a good man with a strong character, since his father is known as "bro-Daddy" to his friends and has always referred to me as his dad in his friend group. Which I find amusing. Side note, his fiance whom he's know since middle school, couldn't understand many of his mannerisms...she know's his father pretty well, and the things he says and does, don't mirror the father. When the STBXW and I moved to Michigan in Dec 0f 2014 and met her for the 1st time, she said a lot of things clicked...my son reflects me, not his father...light bulb moment for her! LOL

But I digress...we've decided to remain in contact for the foreseeable future. Once the STBXW finally moves out, he and his fiancť will be coming down to visit for a week or two this spring (I live 15 min from the beaches on Tybee Island).

So, the week has ended on a somewhat more positive note than it started on for me. One more week till I'll have a court date for the final hearing.

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