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Right after the papers are signed

Thrownaway29 posted 1/29/2021 22:49 PM

In the week since the hearing and the judge signing the papers, I thought I was getting somewhere. Then out of left field you get hit with unsuspected things that just blow everything up. My XWH has a business with his brother and sister. I have always been involved but as part of the dissolution I signed off the business for other considerations. They always have a final get together to get ready for taxes, etc.. this has always been held at our house, which is now my house. My XBIL and XSIL have been very supportive of me and said no matter what I am part of their family.

Well the talk of the meeting came up so taxes can be done. I said they could still meet here too go through everything. I had text my XBIL to tell him my X wanted to meet this Sunday. He said he would talk to my x and thanked me. Well today I find out that he text my X and said that the meeting should be at his house because I am not part of the business anymore so I shouldn't know anything.

I am well aware that I am no longer part of a lot of things, I don't need anyone to point it out to me. It felt like someone punched me right in the stomach. I guess when people know the he** we have gone through up to this point that they would cut some slack but I guess it's open season with me as the target...

Sorry for the book I just don't understand people.

BearlyBreathing posted 1/29/2021 23:26 PM

Sorry you are hurting. It is good to be NC with him tho as much as possible . Iím so sorry.

The1stWife posted 1/30/2021 04:37 AM

Wow!!! That is just cold.

Be prepared to be cut out of all family Events too.

Maybe itís for the best. Who knows

Thrownaway29 posted 1/30/2021 07:36 AM

It certainly was a slap in the face. I knew that things were going to change but I didn't realize it would be that quick. They had previously told me that they wanted me at the family events more than my XWH. Guess the truth comes to light now. The sad part isn't that I won't be going is that the only way my son would go is if I were going. So he will miss out. Ironically my XWH is really mad at his brother and says he doesn't know why he felt that was ok to say. I guess I just didn't see it coming. My eyes are wide open now.

OwningItNow posted 1/30/2021 08:06 AM

They had previously told me that they wanted me at the family events more than my XWH.

But would this even be good for you and your healing?

josiep posted 1/30/2021 09:14 AM

A question was posed in another forum about what constitutes controlling behavior and the AlAnon person in me wonders if you can see what's happening here.

I think your BIL did the right thing. You aren't part of the business end of things anymore and it's not appropriate for them to have a business meeting in your home. That's the factual reality of it and it's not personal, it's business.

That they would ask you into their homes and embrace you as part of the family for family events still is personal.

So perhaps you could try to figure out why you wanted them to have the meeting at your house? Did you plan to listen in? Why would you want to know the details they'll be discussing? Were you planning to join the discussion and if so, why? Or was it hoping that if your STBWXH came back to the family home and participated in this meeting would perhaps feel nostalgic and perhaps even reconsider his choices? Or at least feel bad. Or did you make some changes to the home that you want him to see? I'm tossing out lots of random notions and this is just for you to think about for yourself, not to be answered here.

I don't mean to sound harsh; it's taken me decades to understand my hidden motives for some of the things I said and did and you're still in the thick of the betrayal so it's very understandable that you felt betrayed even further, that's one more thing being taken away from you. But if you can break it down to it's roots, maybe that will help you heal?

And, the other thought that I had was maybe your BIL is uncomfortable to be in the same room as you and your EX this soon, especially since the topic will be money. I think as time goes by, you'll let go of your relationship with them except for big events that include your son. And in the long run, that will be better for you. The sad reality of it

Edited to add: I read this again and am not sure it's clear that I'm not discounting your feelings at all and I get it. The things I wrote were simply to help alleviate the pain, the hurt. When we're in so much pain from the betrayal, sometimes we feel hurt by things that weren't meant to hurt us.

[This message edited by josiep at 6:50 PM, January 30th (Saturday)]

Ratpicker posted 1/30/2021 09:55 AM

Thrownaway- Since you had some part/ function in the business last year, are you responsible in any way for anything tax related?

It hurts - alot! when you suddenly lose a portion of your family. It takes awhile for your heart and your head to sort it all out. Expect to experience various parts of the grieving process for that loss.

homewrecked2011 posted 1/30/2021 17:59 PM

Hopefully itís just for the business meeting. I can see where they would still want to be around you and your son for family type things if your xh wonít be there.

Thrownaway29 posted 1/30/2021 20:50 PM

Owning it,

But would this even be good for you and your healing?

It certainly won't make things easier but what I forgot to say in the first post because I was so upset is that I am actually related to them on both sides, XBIL is my husband's brother and his wife is my aunt. So even though we aren't related through my marriage to my XWH we are still related. I know it sounds weird but we will always be related. So it's probably not healthy but it that is what I have. Hopefully I can get myself to a better place!

Thrownaway29 posted 1/30/2021 22:55 PM

Josiep,

Truly my purpose in letting them use my house is to be nice. I have never participated in this meeting and I won't this time. I have always made a meal so everyone eats then goes to work. I don't have any ulterior motives. I didn't tell them they had to come to my house I just offered the space to do their work. They could have just said no and went elsewhere. It's the first time a comment like that has been made, I guess I will get use to it. You are right this is all new to me.

Thrownaway29 posted 1/30/2021 23:28 PM

Ratpicker & homewrecked,

We will be coming jointly one last time. So yes this meeting will affect that tax return. I haven't ever been involved with the meeting is just here. The only thing I have helped with is if there is a missing receipt for something big.

It does hurt a lot. I know all of these relationships will be different I understand that. I guess I just didn't see it coming that quickly it's a whole week since the papers were signed. I guess it's just another part of this whole crappy experience that we just get to deal with.

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