SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Walloped, it takes as much strength to stay as it does to leave. Maybe even more. There were several big reasons I couldn't stay. No matter what she does, I will always remember her betrayal and for me to linger on that thought would not be fair for myself or for her. I told her that I had forgiven her for what she had done but my forgiveness, unfortunately, isn't strong enough to endure years and years of anguish through a healing process I don't even know will fair well in the end. I am strong physically, spiritually and mentally, but emotionally I am a wimp.

Also, even though my daughters are practically grown, I do not think I could allow this type of dysfunction modeled to them without consequences. Had I taken her back, that would have sent signal to my daughters, should they go thru this ordeal, that it is ok to allow someone to fuck them over.

I learned that on this forum.

DoneGone,

I haven't read your thread, except perhaps the last few pages. I see you referenced from time to time with me on how brutal infidelity can be. Just today I was saying to myself that I don't think I can make it... Then WW calls me and tells me how sorry she is and how much she appreciates me. It's going to be a long, long trip to recovery and R, if I ever make it.

I don't know how old your daughters are, but if you were me with 4 daughters 16-8 and one 5 year old boy, how would you address the setting of the bad example. Only the eldest knows, but doesn't understand all the emotions, feelings, raging, disappointment, etc. She seems to want me to stay positive and hang in there, to do the best I can and to keep being the best husband and dad. But it hurts so much! Oh it hurts, it hurts...

OM and Edith had a private gmail account. Edith has asked me to please not to look at it, ever. I am afraid to. She says she was crazy and stupid to ever get messed up like she did. She doesn't want me to ruminate. I'm afraid that I'll see the OM and Edith plotting to marry or them discussing me. I don't want to kill the R chances, which perhaps it will if I did. Edith has never really written love letters to me, she just verbally told and physically shown me her love. I don't want to see her give him something I have never much had.

You seem to be moving on well, and I, well, I'm plodding along here, still hurting, but slowly getting better, perhaps. Best of luck to you DoneGone.

NP5

jbrent890

I'm glad that you are finally moving on and I hope things work out with you and the OBS. It sounds like not only are you upgrading, but your children are huge supporters of the relationship as well. You deserve everything great thing that is coming your way. I do hope that your children are in IC though. A few of the things that come up with BC in your childrens situations is the fear of being cheated on and worse, the fear of being like the wayward parent. Hopefully your wife's actions didn't fuck your children up. Out of everybody in your situation, they did not deserve to be dragged in the way they were.

My concerns for my children mirror your own. My ex will have to live with that, but worse, my children will also. My fear is that it will remain on the peripheral of their lives with the ever present possibility of having negative affects on their relationships. In one of my anger moments I told my wife it was like we raised our beautiful flowers with such care and concern and then she came in and savagely stomped them all to the ground.

Graywolf

I think the OMW showed the OMs texts to your daughters. If I were one of your daughters I would start calling your ex “Dumbo” because of what she gave up for the OM.

Yes she did and that is the one problem I have had with her. I do not believe she should have shared emails with my girls. She agrees and is sorry and has apologized to them. But we all made mistakes and some of the things I did was much worse than that.

notperfect5 I am sorry for what you are experiencing and I know something about it. My battery is dying and I will write tomorrow. Hang in there brother. It is brutal.

Done Gone,

I admire you, I even for a while could not get or understand how you did not hack the devices. Truth be told you are a better man than me.

I am happy for you, you have handled this as great as it can be, truly admirable.

While you are now in a better place, and all seems better, one thing that concerns me is this:

I am getting a lot of drive-by's from OM and his buddies but that's a joke.

The OM obviously has some sort of mental problems to manage to get him self arrested after calling the cops in the first place.

Please be careful, I am not sure what state you reside in, but please look in to a CCW. Cowards are like a pack of dogs and will attack in numbers, and while his story is he kicked your ass, he knows deep down inside who is who.

Take care of yourself bro, stay healthy.

DG,I'm sorry you are here but I admire the way you handled your business. Decisive and strong. You and Space Ghost would make a good tag team.

Many BSs just eat the shit sandwich their cheating spouses serves them - not you - you flung it back at both of them.

Be good to yourself, enjoy your life as much as you can and have a good time with the OBS - you've earned it. I wish you and your daughters nothing but the best - your cheating wife can now enjoy the fate she so richly deserves.

If every cheating spouse got hit this hard by the karma bus it would be a better world.

I am pretty sure I read your story as posted by your XW on another forum. Both your story and her story match. I don't think she is doing very well emotionally. She sounds like she is just stuck in life with a lot of pain, sorrow, and regret.

Congrats on the happy ending and your ability to make a decision which is best for you and your family is an inspiration to all of us. Ending up with a better woman is both awesome karma and a Beautiful Irony.

Have a great day :)

Walloped

As I've said, I admire the way you've handled yourself throughout your ordeal. Of course, having five children of my own, I obviously disagree with the highlighted statement. But that is why there are different paths for all of us and what works for one may not work for another. Neither is bad, just different. As long as decisions are made with both eyes open.

Walloped, thanks for saying that. I had much rather you be right than me.

Igotthis

The OM obviously has some sort of mental problems to manage to get him self arrested after calling the cops in the first place.

OM has had a very difficult relationship with karma. OMW kicked him out immediately, which means, not only did he lose his wife, but even worse, he lost his internet connection. There are stories where he went door to door with his Xbox. He went through all his buddies pretty fast, tried to go back home and OMW took out a TRO due to domestic violence. WW would not take his calls so he showed up at her house drunk, belligerent, loud, angry and aggressive, thinking he was going to move in. She called the cops and also took out a TRO. Finally, his wife (OMW) allowed him to have temporary abode in a little shack behind her house but he messed that up and she went to court and had permanent restraining order served. They had no trouble finding him.

He has been in a real shit storm. This is probably not even the half of it. I have heard about all this without asking a single question. He is driving by my house in a car that looks as big as a house and it probably serves as his house because it is piled full. John Lennon said it well, "Instant karma's gonna get you, gonna knock you right on the head..." OM's has gotten his much-deserved comeuppance.

anoldlion

I am pretty sure I read your story as posted by your XW on another forum. Both your story and her story match. I don't think she is doing very well emotionally. She sounds like she is just stuck in life with a lot of pain, sorrow, and regret.

She has joined a forum? She's not a strong woman. If her story match's mine, like you said, then she may very well be eaten alive. This is very concerning. I don't know what else to say.

She has joined a forum? She's not a strong woman

DG At risk of sounding uncharitable, she is not your burden to carry anymore

Although I fully understand your concern

As anoldlion cannot send PM's I am not certain if he can reply to an email you would send

Perhaps moderators can assist in obtaining the referred to link privately so you can investigate?

DG, I agree with IndependantView, continue with detaching yourself from your XW unless it is something that could affect your daughters. You owe it to yourself and to your new lady to fully detach from your ex.

Best wishes!

Donegone, I sent you a PM with the link to the thread they are talking about (your possible exwife )

I've followed this thread and just found the one people speculate is his ex wife's. This thread has been linked to hers (on that site several times). I'm appalled by the lack of privacy users of that site chose to give DG.

DG - this:

Thanks Drifter, however, I am not sure if it was courage or cowardice and I mean that. I could see me spending the rest of my life with her, but I could not see me going through all that pain. The pain was greatest when I was with her. When I was not with her, it was bearable. My decision was probably based on indecision if that makes sense.

If you read more BH threads or talk about this with a counselor you will realize that its the decision to STAY that is often made by indecision. For many BH's it's easier to just suffer in silence and hope that time will heal your wound.

You are selling yourself really short on this - for you to realize that you were in less pain when you were not with her is something you need great insight and maturity to recognize. Acknowledging it and divorcing her was an action that you took in order to better your emotional self. This takes courage.

[This message edited by theDrifter at 2:45 PM, February 23rd (Tuesday)]

Donegone, I sent you a PM with the link to the thread they are talking about (your possible exwife )

Posters over there are posting the link to this thread over there, people are reading this whole thread and mauling her a new one.

To be fair she did Omit alot of shit.

She said "she is in shock." When asked if she is going to return to that forum after being called out and linked to here.

Holy Shit....

I've followed this thread and am amazed at the fortitude and courage you've shown. I'm glad that you are moving forward to a better place now.

In particular I was struck by the animosity the OM exhibited towards you in the emails you posted between your WW and him. (Was that an ongoing thing in their emails?)

He seemed to have a personal grudge against you - do you have a past with him in some way? He did mention you and a girlfriend?

The truth is the guy sounds like a thug.

The fact he's doing drive by's on your house is alarming. If you don't have them now, security camera's should be considered. Pepper Spray if it's legal in your area for sure. Also the best home security is a good dog. (Purse dogs don't count!) I'd also change all the locks in the house just in case he has a key.

Low cost measures, just to be on the safe side.

[This message edited by Iver at 8:42 PM, February 23rd (Tuesday)]

NP5 - my situation is similar to yours. I don't know what message I sent to my children through R. I thought they would learn two things:

1. That in life it is not so much how badly you mess up - we all do - but rather how we react when we do mess up. My wife convinced me through her actions of her nobility. It's a strange word to use to for a ws - and yet it applies to her behavior in the aftermath. I am not minimizing A - it is not just another screw up either. Yet it was impossible to deny the change.

2. That marriage is a commitment - and you do the best you can to hold onto it.

I hope my children have learned instead that you put up with bad behavior and abuse.

The things you read, NP5, are best not read. I read them - full of fantasies I never lived.

But there was a line my ws never crossed - at no point did she ever say anything negative about me. I think about the difference between my own case and DG's - and maybe that is the line. Had I read something like DG I don't think I would have R's either.

FWIW

[This message edited by redsox13 at 9:52 PM, February 23rd (Tuesday)]

DG - I just read the email exchange between your XWW and OM. How incredible painful. First - he is a piece of work - but you already know this. And... she knew it on that very day. And went ahead with the affair. Ugh. I'm so sorry.

Personally, as soon as I found out that my WH had a secret email account, he deleted it. It was never on his phone, he just signed in through google. The emails are gone. I have not really wanted to recover their text exchanges.... and reading your XWW's email is why. I'm sure they discussed me. WH was soooooo angry at me. Everything that was wrong with his life was my fault. At the beginning of their EA (when he was texting her) she could do no wrong. She was perfect and listening to him and was everything he ever wanted. My point is that reading that email exchange was so painful for me... I cannot even begin to imagine what you went through. It confirms my decision to not recover old texts.

PS. I am disappointed in the sharing of links with other sites. The private message feature would be a more appropriate option.... and can be done without an announcement. I do feel much less safe here knowing this could happen to me. please be considerate.

DG

It's great to hear you're doing well. What a nice update.

I often wondered how you were doing.

That email exchange is just awful. Your Ex was so deep in the affair that she kept contradicting herself.

You didn't deserve any of that at all. Your wife can sit and think what a great guy she lost in you - knowing she only has herself to blame.

I hope things continue to go well with the OBS and that your daughters are doing well.