SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

In all of my disgusting experience with men being cheated on I have never heard ONE of them regret divorcing her. Never. Yes, some guys are able to reconcile and find peace but lots of them have only regret for staying married to her.

I have. Not saying DoneGone should not have divorced his wife. But there truly are no winners when it comes to infidelity. Those who reconcile must learn to accept and live with what their WS has done. Those who divorce give up the years they had together and the promise of their future. It's sad all around.

DoneGone - I've followed your story closely. While we chose different paths (I am in R and you chose D), I've admired your resoluteness and strength. My sincerest wishes for continued strength as you focus on your relationship with your daughters, hopefully maintain some level of an amicable relationship with your now ex-wife, and best wishes with your new relationship with OM's ex-wife. I must say the karma gods are smiling on that one!

I read the email exchange between the OM and your XWW concerning that incident...you know the time XWW claims she was raking OM over the coals. Then I re-read an old post of yours where you recounted that incident from your pov...I felt queasy. Whenever a WS doubts how much hurt they cause I think of stories like yours where they literally make our worst fear come true.

I found some chats between my xww and one OM. I was never mentioned and I thank God for that. Insult or compliment it would disgust me to be part of any conversation between the WS and AP. They did exchange ILY's and that's one of the factors that clinched it for me being done.

Your strength through all of this is impressive.

[This message edited by Brandon808 at 7:05 PM, February 15th, 2016 (Monday)]

Wow, what a loser. Wonder what your ex saw in him. People like that fall into a special category . . . They're not as bad as rapists or child molesters, but they're much worse than a person who would walk into your house, shit and piss on the carpet, and then would point to the mess and look very proud like this somehow made them really special. 'Hey, I took a dump on your carpet!! I'm the better man (or woman)!!' They are incapable of seeing how sick that is. He needs help, and your ex really needs to figure out how she could find something so disgusting attractive.

[This message edited by c24j at 7:56 PM, February 15th (Monday)]

Wow. That was difficult to read as an outsider, so I can only imagine how painful it was for you.

I certainly hope that you understand that disparaging you was one of the ways she justified the A with POS. Just goes to show how delusional your XWW was, defending you and talking about how you are her life, all while continuing to betray your life together.

Hope you had a great date with OBS.

I can see how hat exchange was at the top of your deal breaker.

How are your daughters? Were they able to regain somewhat of a relationship with their mother? I was not able to do so for myself. I hope they are doing well.

yop

OMW and myself had a nice lunch and decided to do it again sometime. Nothing romantic, just moral support for each other. We met several days later at which time she informed me that she had gotten into OM’s phone, discovered text messages between him and WW and given him the boot and wanted to show me text messages between OM and WW. Turns out the texts were not to my wife (or so we thought). They were to a different number. At this time I did not know my wife had another phone.

OMW was stunned. She explained that she had been nothing more than a meal ticket for him. They had been having problems because he had not held a job in over twelve years. She explained her journey from being a co-provider to sole provider because his job was cutting too much into his video gaming time. He did not have time for work or “anything else.”

OM was livid when he discovered that I had been talking to his wife. He came to my house when I was still living with WW and warned me of the dire consequences should I ever be so stupid as to even look at his wife again. He said that he and I would have a real problem. I told OM that I guess we had a problem then because I had a dinner date scheduled with his wife that very evening; and I did. It wasn't quite the way I made it sound but seemed to be the right thing to say at the time. I was meeting her for dinner but it was not a date, date. Nor was it a for dinner, dinner. I’ll explain more about that later.

Anyway, he was wild eye’d and crazy. He took a swing at me and in the process of defending myself he ended up getting beat up pretty bad. I hit him so hard that even I was seeing stars. The stupid idiot then says to WW, “Call my wife and tell her I’m knocked out.” My WW ignores him and says to me, “You have a date with OMW tonight?” It was a beautiful thing.

OM called the police. When the police got there, OM’s behavior was so bad, the police ended up arresting him. Of course he resisted arrest so got another charge of resisting arrest and battery on a police officer. Sweet. The police thanked me for my cooperation and I told them I was glad to help; and I was. Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Poetry in motion.

Back on pg 36....I still say the greatest BS post ever. LOL

that was a good one, Canoe

Agreed, Canoe. That was always one of my favorite posts.

It has been said that the OM alpha'd DG's wife, but I never saw it this way. He was never any more than an alpha wannabe....and wasn't very good at it. I wish I could find a post that wincing_at_light has used in the past in several of his posts about how the OM is simply a weasel in a henhouse; a poacher. They work under the cover of deception and hiding because they would be exposed in the light of day, where they are vulnerable to the reality of regular life and circumstance.

This weasel definitely fits the description.

Anyway, DG, glad that you are doing well.

Hi DG, first time poster to your thread although I was reading your thread as well as notperfect5 and spaceghosts from early last year

What appalled me was the sheer evilness of your WS as you were living through this hell

I was one of many who were willing you to hack the devices but did not understand your reluctance until just before you left your thread (in May) for a while, I ‘got it’ then and I applaud you for your honesty and integrity

How are your girls relationship with their mother now?

I have to endorse Canoe’s choice of post above.

I have read that now three or four times and it still makes me laugh. It really could be the basis of a comedy sketch

Oh and the vision of POSOM living in a ‘tiny little’ garage was a gem

I do hope your relationship with EXOBS blossoms and you continue to put that horrific experience with your EXW where it belongs ....way back in the past

[This message edited by IndependantView at 8:39 AM, February 16th (Tuesday)]

Ouch so sorry you had to ever read some thing like that

The only thing left that comes out from that is it was all about her trying some thing else as she was a virgin to you I think you stated at the beginning (both of you)

She never loved him or even intended any type of relationship other than to try sex with some one else

WHAT A WASTE OF A MARRIAGE

She will never be able to understand why she did what she did as it boiled down to lust plain and simple

Men have to learn to control lust from an early age women have it lower on the list until they get to there mid life crisis point around 40

She will always be there for you as that's who she basically is/was until she let her basic instinct take control

WHAT A WASTE

[This message edited by UnderCover at 9:02 AM, February 16th (Tuesday)]

Always said the downside of marrying a virgin will always be the unanswered question "wonder if its much different"

I agree with undercover. Sadly, the "only person" marriages in my experience usually suffer some form of cheating. Our society is now driven by sex, which sadly has lead to a huge demise in these type of relationships.

DG this is my first post to you. I actually read your thread in its entirety yesterday. You handled your situation like a champ. I hate to say it, your wife may be remorseful now, but she wasn't after your D Day and leading up to you getting the passwords. She lied to the very end and not only manipulated you, but her MC, and worse, your children. I'm not going to lie, I'm a huge supporter of divorce. I think its the only real consequence for cheating (I never got behind that if the BS stays, the WS has to live with the pain every mindset). However, I'm huge advocate for the BS and WS getting back together granted the BS goes out a dates around for a little bit and the WS puts serious work into fixing themselves. I don't think that should happen here. The level of disrespect your wife threw your way was astounding. But the one thing that upsets me the most is that she used your kids as a means to get you to let go of getting her passwords. Granted, she knew she would be fucked if you say what she wrote about you.

I'm glad that you are finally moving on and I hope things work out with you and the OBS. It sounds like not only are you upgrading, but your children are huge supporters of the relationship as well. You deserve everything great thing that is coming your way. I do hope that your children are in IC though. A few of the things that come up with BC in your childrens situations is the fear of being cheated on and worse, the fear of being like the wayward parent. Hopefully your wife's actions didn't fuck your children up. Out of everybody in your situation, they did not deserve to be dragged in the way they were.

Congratulations on your date.

You called him dumbo your own damn self. Twice. You called him dumbo while he was still in the parking lot and then you do it again when he leaves.

Other man's text to WW

I think the OMW showed the OMs texts to your daughters. If I were one of your daughters I would start calling your ex “Dumbo” because of what she gave up for the OM.

“Who’s Dumbo now mom?”

Or "You called dad Dumbo because he trusted you. If I trust you are you going to call me Dumbo?"

[This message edited by Graywolf at 11:56 AM, February 16th (Tuesday)]

I'm so sorry Done. You put into black and white words exactly what we all feel. The hell is real, and they created it for us.

I don't know what to say except I'm truly sorry. My heart is breaking for how you feel.

This is the hardest thing in the world.

Not that it matters now but how many times did they meet for their times of shame together

Reason im asking is because of what 'TimeToAct' just posted on his thread

Walloped

While we chose different paths (I am in R and you chose D), I've admired your resoluteness and strength. My sincerest wishes for continued strength as you focus on your relationship with your daughters, hopefully maintain some level of an amicable relationship with your now ex-wife, and best wishes with your new relationship with OM's ex-wife. I must say the karma gods are smiling on that one!

Walloped, it takes as much strength to stay as it does to leave. Maybe even more. There were several big reasons I couldn't stay. No matter what she does, I will always remember her betrayal and for me to linger on that thought would not be fair for myself or for her. I told her that I had forgiven her for what she had done but my forgiveness, unfortunately, isn't strong enough to endure years and years of anguish through a healing process I don't even know will fair well in the end. I am strong physically, spiritually and mentally, but emotionally I am a wimp.

Also, even though my daughters are practically grown, I do not think I could allow this type of dysfunction modeled to them without consequences. Had I taken her back, that would have sent signal to my daughters, should they go thru this ordeal, that it is ok to allow someone to fuck them over.

I learned that on this forum.

Brandon808

I found some chats between my xww and one OM. I was never mentioned and I thank God for that. Insult or compliment it would disgust me to be part of any conversation between the WS and AP. They did exchange ILY's and that's one of the factors that clinched it for me being done.

The two things I told my ex-wife through this entire process are, "I love you," and " I am divorcing you." She could not reconcile the two and it was also difficult for me. We had shared and built so much together. However, when OMW shared contents of the emails with me, there was no going back.

c24j

Wow, what a loser. Wonder what your ex saw in him. People like that fall into a special category . . . They're not as bad as rapists or child molesters, but they're much worse than a person who would walk into your house, shit and piss on the carpet, and then would point to the mess and look very proud like this somehow made them really special. 'Hey, I took a dump on your carpet!! I'm the better man (or woman)!!' They are incapable of seeing how sick that is. He needs help, and your ex really needs to figure out how she could find something so disgusting attractive.

I really did not know him before all this started but I did know the crowd he was involved with, and he did not disappoint. I have always been careful not to call any of that bunch 'losers' because these were the people my wife grew up around.

nme1

Hope you had a great date with OBS.

I was hoping for survival but it was good, in fact, better than good, it was great, thanks to her. I have spent the last 25 years keeping it impersonal or business with other women and it was difficult turning that off.

We went out on Valentine's Day and then again this last Saturday night. The first date it was all her but Saturday night I did better. I am getting a lot of drive-by's from OM and his buddies but that's a joke.

yearsofpain25

How are your daughters? Were they able to regain somewhat of a relationship with their mother?

Yes and I am thankful for that. My mother passed away in December. We all went to the funeral together. We were there for four days and my wife and daughters worked through it. It is not what it was but it's a start.

CanoeVA

Back on pg 36....I still say the greatest BS post ever. LOL

Thank-you for that reference. I went back and read it and got a laugh myself. I wasn't laughing so much at the time but I did derive a sense of pleasure when the police were wrestling him in the cruiser. His story is that he kicked my ass. Everything about him is a lie. I am so sorry that my wife bought in to it all.

[This message edited by DoneGone at 3:55 PM, February 22nd (Monday)]

No matter what she does, I will always remember her betrayal and for me to linger on that thought would not be fair for myself or for her. I told her that I had forgiven her for what she had done but my forgiveness, unfortunately, isn't strong enough to endure years and years of anguish through a healing process

Thank God that you know yourself this well AND have the courage to do what you know is best for everyone. Staying and toughing it out continually builds resentment and contempt and feels like you living in hell. Maybe just as bad for her.

Again, congrats for taking a tough path that you knew was your path.

[This message edited by theDrifter at 4:03 PM, February 22nd (Monday)]

IndependantView

I was one of many who were willing you to hack the devices but did not understand your reluctance until just before you left your thread (in May) for a while, I ‘got it’ then and I applaud you for your honesty and integrity

That means a lot to me. It all worked out ok, I don't know if it could have worked out better or not. One thing I do know; it's like riding a freight train through hell.

UnderCover

The only thing left that comes out from that is it was all about her trying some thing else as she was a virgin to you I think you stated at the beginning (both of you)

She never loved him or even intended any type of relationship other than to try sex with some one else

WHAT A WASTE OF A MARRIAGE

She was manipulated from the word 'Go' I do feel very bad for her and wish her the best. She has been played by the best at a weak time in her life. Just months before the affair started, she lost her dad and mom, plus she was diagnosed with cancer. In fact, she connected with OM at her Mom's funeral.

theDrifter

Thank God that you know yourself this well AND have the courage to do what you know is best for everyone. Staying and toughing it out continually builds resentment and contempt and feels like you living in hell. Maybe just as bad for her.

Thanks Drifter, however, I am not sure if it was courage or cowardice and I mean that. I could see me spending the rest of my life with her, but I could not see me going through all that pain. The pain was greatest when I was with her. When I was not with her, it was bearable. My decision was probably based on indecision if that makes sense.

Had I taken her back, that would have sent signal to my daughters, should they go thru this ordeal, that it is ok to allow someone to fuck them over.

DoneGone - As I've said, I admire the way you've handled yourself throughout your ordeal. Of course, having five children of my own, I obviously disagree with the highlighted statement. But that is why there are different paths for all of us and what works for one may not work for another. Neither is bad, just different. As long as decisions are made with both eyes open.

You have to know yourself. That's the key. Again, best wishes.