SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Do you think that having lap dances by strippers and touching them is cheating?

In Canada, it is legal to get lap dances, touch them and rub them as they dance on you...

I, personally think it is cheating, but I'm curious what others think?

In my world it's inappropriate. And would definitely be grounds for a deep discussion of boundaries.

I know that I, personally, am not ok with it.

So for me, it's a "Houston we have a problem".

My fiance's father has been in an LTA with a stripper. He saw her totally nude the first night he met her, and he went to the "tittie bar" because he was "bored".

Instead of bringing back that "energy" to his WIFE, he went back to the club, and paid her lots of $$$ and began a relationship with a 23 yr old girl. She is now 32 and he still sees her. Still lies and gaslights, but still sees her.

For my fiance and me, strippers and strip clubs are a NO GO.

This is a tough one given many of our betrayals...normally I would say no, lap dance is not cheating. I think touching crosses a line, but here they can't touch or the big scary bouncers will bounce them right out.

Honestly, I still don't think it's cheating, but that doesn't mean that I'm ok with it, especially right now. We used to go to strip clubs together and he went for his bachelor party- it was fine. But now, well, now we know there are poor boundaries! So I would be much more uncomfortable with him going, let alone getting a lap dance. Of course, I know he's planning on going for a bachelor party in October, but I think we'll have a very serious conversation before about what is and isn't ok. Plus, on the positive side, the bachelor knows what we've been through and would be ok if FWH didn't go.

Bottom line, IMHO, it's not cheating, but it's still not ok (right now).

Cheating... No question for me. It's sexual. And then sexually being rubbed up against... pah-leeze!

Not that I would want to, but don't you love how there is not the equivilent type of thing for a woman? Unless, of course, you are into women. Another reason for a man to rationalize that it is ok. Really? I highly doubt many would like us being rubbed up and down like that by a naked man.

I would say that men go to strip clubs because they either have no woman or no sexual connection with the woman they have. They go to the strip club to get that connection, hands on or not...so yes, I would call it cheating. Strip clubs are pathetic and sad, for both sides...

Well...would you consider it cheating if some chick did this without getting paid? You know, just some random chick who he met at a bar or party or a friends house...or maybe a coworker.

Why is it just because the chick is getting paid it shouldn't be considered cheating? To me...if he is allowing anyone but you to rub up all against him, shove her boobs in his face, grind all up in his lap...yeah, it's cheating.

A bachelor "friend" thought that my husband would enjoy a night at a strip club. We were having troubles at the time and I was away taking care of stepson abusing us in a rental unit. Newly diagnosed with Parkinson's, traumatic brain injury and depression over arsehole son made this "friend" help cure him.

Oh yeah. "Friend apologized" hmm. Why? Hubby's a grown man. At that point I honestly thought it was just self medicating with booze. Nope.

A lap dance turned into the jackpot the stripper was on the lookout for. She saw his pain, anger, sadness. Boy, I did not believe it when one morning at 4 a.m. he said he was seeing a stripper. I did not believe it. Nope. No.

Well, guess what? Yes. 6 or 8 months later (I'm not sure!) and he's slowly being removed because I've outed her to her family. Her mom threw her out. Her sister has sent many FB messages saying she does this ALL the time. If I was a bit stronger I would post these messages. I did start a thread when she first contacted me but am a bit nuts....so keep them away from the strip joints ladies!!!

I don't know what you people are talking about. I have people get naked in front of me all the time.

They can rub their genitals in front of me and while I might feel aroused, because I am only human, it's all about boundaries, people. Boundaries!

The dollars represent a magic shield. It's like a cloak of invisibility. Yeah, I'm paying to have people get naked, rub themselves on me, and titillate me sexually, but the exchange of money makes the difference. If they did it for free, then that would be a different story. I'd think they were hitting on me, or trying to have sex with me.

The minute I tuck a dollar in their g-string, however, it's all good. Unless I would actually sleep with them, then it becomes prostitution. See what I said about boundaries above, though?

/*sarcasm off

[This message edited by veritas at 8:26 AM, June 7th (Thursday)]

What veritas said!

How is it NOT cheating?

ok, I recently went to strip club with WS, and he asked if it was ok to get a lap dance, I would watch. huh?. Curious, I allowed it, well where I live, you can touch whereever she lets you. I told her no touching and whispered in her ear, NO RUBBBING ON HIS PANT. Well she listened but stillgave a good show. The look on his face was full LUST!!!!, He forgot I was there. I was invisible. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. I am pretty sure it was the straw that broke the camels back.

WOW, did you hit one of my biggest fuses! H had several "inappropriate" relationships, ONS, GFE's, all with strippers. In his mind, he wasn't looking for a replacement to me, just well-deserved entitlement. Since there is a fine line on whether some see it as cheating or not, it took him a LONG time to clear the fog.

FIRST, would it be ok to go to a bar, flirt around with some slut, take her to your car or the back room, etc., and watch her seductively take her clothes off, while dry humping you? Depending on THEIR boundaries, and whether a guy looks like he has $ to blow, kissing and hand jobs, and sticking their tits in his mouth are not even considered "extras". Oh, yes, and nearly every time ( years worth) she would guide his hands to wherever she wanted.

None of this is acceptable in my marriage- whether it is a stripper or some bar whore. It is all sex to me, whether the actual "act" happens.

The lap dance leads to the exchange of phone numbers (whether or not it is posted as taboo in the club), if she thinks he might return, or if she realizes he has money in his wallet. (Trick I learned about- they ask you to make change for them so they can see how much cash is in your wallet.) Of course, that starts the secret exchange of phone calls, secret visits, the phony "I miss you. Come see me," calls. Next thing you know- they're "friends". Pretty soon he's a regular. Next step- sugar daddy. And then, "Some day, we should get married."

SO, if you use cocaine one time, are you an addict? No. But if you have weak boundaries, it's a short trip.

I may be on a soap box now, but I have had my marriage and my life rocked off the foundation because my H was convinced to join his buddies for a drink at a local strip club, where they were known. Going to the club, I wouldn't consider cheating. But the second the flirting began, or the walk to the VIP started- it was big time cheating.

The look on his face was full LUST!!!!, He forgot I was there. I was invisible.

Oh coping...I am so sorry! I can only imagine how that felt to you.

Please, please do not ever set yourself up for that type of self-esteem knock again.

(((hugs)))

If you think it's cheating then in your situation it IS cheating. Other women don't have a problem with it and in their situations then it's not cheating. If the man knows that his woman would not approve .... then he's cheating.

Do you think that having lap dances by strippers and touching them is cheating?

Yes.

In Canada, it is legal to get lap dances, touch them and rub them as they dance on you...

Depends on the location. Technically prostitution is legal in Canada, but communication for those purposes is not. The rules regarding strippers are usually set under the various provinces liquor control acts, with penalties for violations being applied to the bar that allowed them to occur.

Yes. Not only is it cheating, but it is insulting as hell. What woman (or man for that matter) wants to think that they are less sexy than a silicone phony bimbo, or for you men, an oiled-up idiot who has enough free time to spend hours a day in a gym.

demos, I agree that every couple should have their own, personal, established boundaries. But, unless one is in an open marriage, allowing each other to engage in sex with someone other than a spouse, fondling, kissing, and allowing a stripper to ride you is the same as cheating with anyone else. Just because a monetary exchange has occurred, it doesn't make the act any different.

The object is to increase sexual arousal with physical stimulation by someone other than your spouse- and I personally think that should be kept within the marriage.

This is one where each marriage needs to set its own boundaries. I don't think there is only one right answer.

For me and my marriage, pre and post dday, it is cheating. Pre affair I am not sure what I would have done. Today if it happened I would file for divorce.

This is one where each marriage needs to set its own boundaries. I don't think there is only one right answer.

This.