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PJ24 (original poster new member #36459) posted at 6:00 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
Well just found out who the other betrayed spouse was and I informed her. Well didn't expect it to go over very well but WOW. My wife was furious. She wondered how I could have "been so vindictive." Said that she didn't want to ruin anyone else's life. I guess mine was enough. His wife obviously going through alot of emotions. Even called my wife. I assume this is pretty normal. Just curious if anyone else has had similar reactions.
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 6:03 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
((PJ))
Yeah, the same thing happened to me.
Tell your wife that it's called consequences. The other spouse deserves to know who has been sleeping with her husband.
It is normal for the other betrayed spouse to call the affair partner.
You totally did the right thing. Good job.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
KeepCalm_CarryOn ( member #33374) posted at 6:05 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
If your WW is furious, she still doesn't get it. You did the right thing. Hugs!!
You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.
Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013
Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 6:05 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
Good for you for doing that. It doesn't sound like you need convincing, but I just wanted to reiterate that YOU aren't ruining anyone's life by bringing the truth to light.
Your WW's reaction is a common, and completely ridiculous and shortsighted response.
Hugs and applause to you.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom
LivingALie ( member #17217) posted at 6:06 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
You absolutely did the right thing. Don’t question it for a minute. Of course your wife is upset – things aren’t in her control and she’s had to face the REALITY of what she’s done and also realizing there is another person involved here – HIS WIFE!
Vindictive? Wow, what adjective does she use to describe the affair? My H used the excuse that he didn’t want to ruin another family and “she has kids” – oh, and we don’t? There is no reason in the world to “protect” the OP.
Good for you!
[This message edited by LivingALie at 12:07 PM, August 27th (Monday)]
Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.
Fooledme ( member #35844) posted at 6:23 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
It was the honorable thing to do.
Your W just wanted to continue with her fantasy A, now the consequences are appearing she's blaming you.
This might make OM not want to see her. Oops another consequence.
BS 55
WS 55
T 19
Step Children grown
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 6:25 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
Applauding PJ.....
That is all I will say for now because your WW's response to telling the BS made me really 
and 
so I don't want to be too mean in JFO.
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
PJ24 (original poster new member #36459) posted at 6:27 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
Thanks for everyones reply. I was having a moment there where I felt maybe I did the wrong thing.
bufffalo ( member #21854) posted at 6:28 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
She wondered how I could have "been so vindictive
Yeah....youre a real prick!! 
....
Nice job, bro....your wife needed a dose of reality...this will help. See how fast you burst her bubble of fantasy.....
Good for you....
Bufffalo
Time Ticks On ( member #33772) posted at 6:29 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
She had a right to know. Your wife being mad just ticks me off. She was screwing the woman's husband and she is pissed ???
FBW- 50
FWH-51
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 25 years- together 27
What doesn't kill me, scars me.
jackson ( member #18819) posted at 6:35 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
You did the right thing. Do not let your your WW guilt you. She is still in the fog and doesn't have the proper prospective yet. You did good.
PJ24 (original poster new member #36459) posted at 6:36 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
She really still has her head in the clouds. It took me two weeks to figure out who this guy was. She wouldn't tell me. I felt obligated to pass it on. Hard to believe she said she didnt want to involve anyone else thats why she wouldnt tell me. Uh should have thought about that a long time ago. I know i would want to be informed
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 6:40 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
(((PJ)))
You did the right thing. The other BS deserved to know. You were in no way vindictive. They chose their actions and need to deal with the fall out from it.
Ghostrider ( member #32604) posted at 7:04 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
PJ, you did great. Your WW is unremorsrful and hiding the OM and being angry confirms it.
Ignore her. The BW deserved to know. What if this wasn't the OM's first A? What right does your WW and the OM have to treat the BW like a potted plant?
You did great.
BH (me), WW (her), 2 boys
"You will never be the same. You accept it. You will never have closure. There is no such a word as closure. Closure does not exist. Life is different. Now you get to choose what you're going to do with it."
PJ24 (original poster new member #36459) posted at 7:05 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
Have most people found this to be an eye opener for the betrayer of a temporary distancing due to her being angry. Does it usually increase contact with the affair partner of separate further since they now have their hands full
scared&stronger ( member #15942) posted at 7:11 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
Yes, Mr. S&S called his mother and told her I put his life in danger by telling the other BS. Then he found out we had known long enough to get a plan in place and that if he were going to be hurt...we had ample opportunity.
WS 45
BS 43
Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.
d-day 4-3-07
Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.
kchip ( member #36365) posted at 7:22 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
Yep GJ.
My WW was pissed too. Fuck her and the OM.
The BW took it well and was glad I told her.
Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"
Ghostrider ( member #32604) posted at 8:41 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
Re: Increasing Contact w/AP.
My WW maintained contact with OM via work email. It took her about 4wks to get her head out of her ass on NC. She still lied to me, and maintained contact with her affair facilitators. That ended 8wks later.
I wouldn't expect your WW to act rationally for some time. If ever. You've just told her that the Easter Bunny, Santa and Tooth Fairy don't exist. It takes some time for their heads to re-enter normal world.
BH (me), WW (her), 2 boys
"You will never be the same. You accept it. You will never have closure. There is no such a word as closure. Closure does not exist. Life is different. Now you get to choose what you're going to do with it."
PJ24 (original poster new member #36459) posted at 8:51 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
" You've just told her that the Easter Bunny, Santa and Tooth Fairy don't exist." Thanks Ghostrider. That actually gave me a quick laugh. Your right it seems like she is never going to start seeing reality.
wonderingbull ( member #14833) posted at 9:07 PM on Monday, August 27th, 2012
The ex got pissed too.... Her getting pissed is like a a guy who just robbed a bank being pissed because his mugshot is in the newspaper...
WB
The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...
James Taylor
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