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Has anyone felt jealous of the AP?

I have been getting some details recently which includes hearing about some of WW thirty something trysts over the one and a half year LTA she had with my xBFF. I'm the one that's been asking (maybe I should stop)...

One of my many feelings is jealousy- to hear how WW acted like a lovesick teenager and had sex in places and ways that I have tried previously and with been told no...why not me? Why him?

The answer I have been told is availability - I am still envious (as well as hurt, saddened, horrified - the whole spectrum). This is also along with asking the classic (I assume) "guy" questions around performance and comparison. Stuff I knew was a no brainer bit had to ask...and kinda wish I hadn't.

Is this normal?

WW asked me what she can do to change these feelings.

I too am jealous of AP. my WH freely called her names like slut and whore....I have been trying to get him to openly say things like this to me for almost 5 years.....and i beg him to call me names...where he just called her them. he said it was cause he thought of her as nothing more than a whore. and doesnt want to hurt my feeling by calling me names in bed....but damn it sometimes we just want to be called a whore! lol

I did, but that was before I met her. Now I am just horrified and disgusted. Like you, I too had to ask my WS all the questions, was she better in bed, is her body better, etc. I know now that that I am better than her in every way.

I wouldn't know, but have heard that affair sex is exciting because of the secrecy of it all, not because any of the parties are "better" in any way.

In reality, there is nothing for you to be jealous of. Your AP is an asshat and a cheater.

The thing that makes me the most jealous of AP is that my FWH wrote her love letters. He's never written me one. Ever. That breaks my heart.

On the other hand, when we were discussing sex, he told me that I was the most responsive woman he'd ever slept with (previous girlfriends, first wife, OW). So that makes me feel as though OW was not as good as me in at least one way.

Not one bit. She does not have one thing over me except that she is younger, but we look the same age. I know my body is better than hers.

I guess I am jealous that she got to see a side of my WH that was only supposed to be for me and now it is tainted.

Next time you feel jealous of the AP, go home and have sex with their soulmate.

It's perfectly normal to have such feelings. Only with lots of time and consistent actions can a WS start to take the edge fo this, and some scars will last forever.

Be gentle with yourself.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 5:36 PM, January 24th (Thursday)]

Next time you feel jealous of the AP, go home and have sex with their soulmate.

Good one. I like this

I too feel jealous - of the fact H never got exasperated and yelled at her...that she never had to see the mangled sobbing mess of a H - he was all rainbows and unicorns with her...Im jealous that she's "fucking gorgeous" (his words - before the fog lifted)

But I tell myself that that's all she has on me. She's uneducated, family hates her, kids don't live with her, no friends, mentally ill (9 different meds), addicted to oxy, a waitress who can't even buy her own car, covered in tattoos... But still (and I hate myself for feeling this petty) I don't want her dead...I want her ugly. I want her scarred and hideous.

Sometimes I am. Then I remember, he came home to me. He still wants me (and, honestly has to choke down vomit when he has to answer my questions about them). Also, they knew that I existed and still made horrible moral choices. If nothing else, I have better morals and that makes me the better person.

Ok - I'm sorry - I took a breather and retread my last post - sounded a bit homicidal there. These moments come and go ... I'm not really as maniacal as I sound...lol

Yes. For many reasons - but I just don't have the energy any more to get into it. One of the hard ones though is that she made memories with him that I will never know. And the "go home and fuck his soulmate" trick doesn't work for me - she was just another notch in his belt and never gave a shit about her. She was always just another piece of ass on a dating site to him. She didn't know that until a couple of months after DDay.

I was jealous at first because I thought she must be better than me since he chose her at all, then chose to leave for her.

But now I realize I'm not in anyway jealous because I don't want someone that could do what he did.

I will admit I'm jealous sometimes now of the lifestyle I now don't have and they do...but whatever, overall I'm happy.

Ok - I'm sorry - I took a breather and retread my last post - sounded a bit homicidal there. These moments come and go ... I'm not really as maniacal as I sound...lol

You are not truly vengeful and homicidal unless the scenario in your head involves a can of petrol, a roll of duct tape, a chainsaw, a pair of sharpened knitting needles, a mains electrical socket and three feet of cable with open wires, a gallon of boiling oil, a sack of chicken feathers, a power drill with hammer action, a hungry dog, three feet of primer cord and a detonator, a complete set of dental drills, and a sheaf of fresh paper with extra sharp edges. and a dinosaur.

Lonely husband, you missed out the Leanne Rimes CD playing in the background.

I choose not to be jealous of a cheater in any of their capacities, married or not, WW or WH, OM or AP, etc...

I choose not to view cheating, betraying, lying, stealing, and sneaking as things to be jealous over...

I also choose not to be jealous of anyone lacking integrity, honor, loyalty, fidelity, decency, and faithfulness....

Finally, those who toss aside their moral code, ethical compass, and character for a piece of "STRANGE" I also choose not to have jealousy over...

Whether our WS or the AP, they both would be the last persons I can honestly think of to ever be jealous over...

You own something that they can never ever get back in its entirety, and that my friend is why they will be jealous of you...

May God Bless Us All

[This message edited by Madmichaelj at 7:50 PM, January 24th (Thursday)]

Im jealous of he secret life mow had with my wh. Im jealous that she had sex with my wh. Im jealous that my wh would basically throw me and our marriage away for a piece of ass. Im not jealous of her as a person or what they had. It was sleazy and fake and in the end they didnt really know each othe only the fake people the portrayed themselves as. I still have wtf moments, because to me & others mow looks old enough to be his mom and is fugly. I know it wasnt about looks it was about how she made him feel and in his lala land she was all that but now that he isnt sprung on her and her magic vaj...i think he is so embarrassed and humiliated of what he did and who he did it with.

Good lord no! That 'womans' life is a freaking hot mess. And in 8 years it hasn't gotten better at all...

NoraLee wrote:

I don't want her dead...I want her ugly. I want her scarred and hideous.

Don't you see though that in reality she already is? And one day, when all the "prettiness" fades and she is still waiting tables for scraps and driving a '72 Vega, oh how your wish will come completely true. It's just a matter of time. ;-)

One of the hard ones though is that she made memories with him that I will never know

This is it for me as well (but plural). They had seen a side of her I had never seen, and have only seen glimpses of since as a direct result of their presence.

Tough to take.

Jealousy is a tough one for me. I am jealous of the secret relationship they had, the fact that she had a daughter get married during their time together and we haven't experienced that, how hard he worked at contacting her behind my back when I busted him many ways, how as soon as I left for work he seemed to jump to contacting her, she is short.

Madmichaelj said it best, though. I have had a hard time sorting it all out and how to swallow all that has happened. You are so right, the qualities that these cheaters have definitely are not anything to be jealous of for sure.

I do hope her newly married daughter comes to her sobbing her heart out for advice if her husband cheats on her. I hope she can see the pain in her daughter's eyes and know what a low life whore she is herself. Let her fgure out a way to help her daughter through a situation she was proud to carry on herself.