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KeepOnMovin (original poster member #38245) posted at 7:54 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
What’s the proper response when a friend (girlfriend or wife) says she’s fat or asks if she looks fat? i.e. “I look fat when I’m standing next to you.”
Me: Creating a better life for myself
Her: Somebody else's problem
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 7:59 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
Just say "no you don't honey, I'm the one who looks fat standing next to you." Then run out of the room before she can ask another "fat" question. 
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
lost_in_toronto ( member #25395) posted at 8:00 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
"I was just thinking how beautiful you look standing next to me."
Me: BS/48
Him: WS/46
DDay: August 23, 2009
Together 23 years.
Reconciled.
Tred ( member #34086) posted at 8:02 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
Look puzzled and say "What cat planning to poo?"
Married: 27 years (14 @JFO) D-Day: 11/09/11"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 8:04 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
"You never look fat to me."
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 8:04 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
How about "you are more beautiful today than the day we were married."
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
KeepOnMovin (original poster member #38245) posted at 8:18 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
What if she's not really a girlfriend, but just an interested acquaintance? New beginning kind of thing...
Me: Creating a better life for myself
Her: Somebody else's problem
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 8:36 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
"So put down the cheeseburger" isn't the right answer, right?
Kidding!
I think something like "I was just thinking how lovely you look" is the right choice.
Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi
Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 9:12 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
I prefer no response. I'm usually not looking for confirmation, validation, or advice, just thinking out loud. To me it just means I should keep an eye on my fitness, or this outfit doesn't work for me. As long as I have a healthy idea in my head, and know what looks good on me, other's opinions aren't going to carry much weight.
My SO has tried every response in the book, I think he is trying to break me of my habit of calling myself fat but to me its more hyperbole than anything.
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
jrc1963 ( member #26531) posted at 9:15 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
Look her up and down thoughtfully and say... "Well, you could stand to exercise." Then run like hell!!!
J/K
Whatever you say, make sure there is NO hesitation at all!
"You never look fat to me."
Personally I hate this one... not sure why.
Me: BSO - 56 Him: FWSO - 79 DS - 23 D-Day - 12-11-09, R - he finally came homeYour life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"
KeepOnMovin (original poster member #38245) posted at 9:31 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
When STBX used to say those kinds of things; "I look fat" or "I feel fat", I always responded, "You look just perfect to me." But it wasn't really quite good enough I guess.
Me: Creating a better life for myself
Her: Somebody else's problem
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 9:40 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
That would be perfect for me.
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
SuperDuperWonderboy ( member #34716) posted at 9:46 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2013
My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.
LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 1:25 AM on Sunday, June 16th, 2013
How about, "You always look great to me." If this is met with another protest you can add, "Well, if you are concerned about your weight there are so many options out there."
Sometimes I wish people would focus on solutions more then throwing out the awkward comment and letting it hang there for others to deal with!
[This message edited by LA44 at 7:26 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 2:28 PM on Sunday, June 16th, 2013
"You are a beautiful woman and I wouldn't want you to change a thing" has gotten pretty good reactions from me. Depending on the situation you can swap "beautiful" for "sexy" but with an interested acquaintance, that would probably hurt you more than help you. 
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 3:09 PM on Sunday, June 16th, 2013
You are perfect the way you are.
and depending on who it is I follow it with an I love you.
I have been on the fat side and thin side, body/weight issues suck.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 5:38 PM on Sunday, June 16th, 2013
What do you think the proper response is?
It's NOT,
Well, if you are concerned about your weight there are so many options out there."
That is for another conversation---and there will be an opening for that, if that's the real concern.
"I look fat," means, "please tell me I am beautiful."
The proper response is, "You look beautiful."
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
sadcat ( member #8637) posted at 2:37 AM on Monday, June 17th, 2013
The correct response to this (and related questions) is always "You look great!" Or "you are beautiful!"
Never let your fear decide your fate.....AWOLNATION
If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.
Hearthache again ( member #28564) posted at 2:56 AM on Monday, June 17th, 2013
As a women I find this odd of other women to say. I have never asked this of my spouse or thought this.
Why do some women ask these questions?
Me-BS(34)
Him-WS(37)
Married-14 years together 15
Kids 4: 17, 14, 10, and 5
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
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