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livebythesea (original poster member #38900) posted at 2:12 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
He agreed, now he makes me feel like shit. Yes, that is his specialty. He can do that, twist my words inside out.
Now he says, he will take the test, then he will move out.
Me - 65 I often have to remind myself of my age! Husband - 65 DD1 April 5 2013 (a lie)DD2 April 23 2013DD3 June 22 20133 children 5 grandchildren
JustWow ( member #19636) posted at 2:15 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Well, if he's gonna take it then move out, save the $450 and go buy a new Coach purse.
Emotional blackmail, what a brand new idea......
Remember....you're getting stronger 
(((((livedbythesea))))))))
[This message edited by JustWow at 8:20 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]
BW - Reconciling
edited for typos (I always have to!)
Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 2:20 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Ah, that is the line just before, "if you can't trust me than there is nothing left," and "forget it, why should I take the poly... I'm moving out anyway..."
Which in WS means -- No you definitely don't know it all!! I'm sorry, he is still choosing to protect himself over assuring you and allowing you to feel safe.
((livebythesea))
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 2:26 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Tell him to go fuck himself...
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 2:29 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Well, this is just another ploy to get you to give up on him taking the poly.
Tell him to go ahead and move out, and you will consider the need for a poly down the road if it looks like reconciliation is still a possibility for the two of you.
Be strong, and do not let him manipulate you.
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
ErinD ( new member #39671) posted at 2:31 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Sending hugs your way. I agree with justwow. If he is going to move out, take the money and get something u normally wouldn't buy for yourself. Spoil yourself.
livebythesea (original poster member #38900) posted at 2:33 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
If he loves me as much as he says he does, why on earth would he say "I'll take the test, then I will move out". Why on earth would he not agree to take the test before all this shit happened tonight. if he is telling me the truth, why not take the damm test. That is what I cant wrap my head around. And to him, now he is upset, and when he is upset, it lasts forever. He makes me feel guilty and the whole nine yard.
Me - 65 I often have to remind myself of my age! Husband - 65 DD1 April 5 2013 (a lie)DD2 April 23 2013DD3 June 22 20133 children 5 grandchildren
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 2:36 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
why on earth would he say "I'll take the test, then I will move out"
Because he sucks.
He can't *give in* to you without turning around and exacting some type of punishment. He's attempting to retain control of the situation. After all, how dare you demand that he make himself a *small* man by taking a poly? Who in the world do YOU think that you are?
Again. Tell him to go fuck himself....
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
woundedby2 ( member #18522) posted at 2:42 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
if he is telling me the truth, why not take the damm test.
That right there is your answer in a nutshell.
He's a liar, and he's still lying.
In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
JustWow ( member #19636) posted at 2:54 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
what woundedby2 said. EXACTLY.
He does not want to take the poly because he is still lying/hiding stuff. He is pulling out all his tricks to manipulate you into caving. No poly means he gets to keep lying and keep you, in his happy little head.
BW - Reconciling
edited for typos (I always have to!)
Missymomma ( member #36988) posted at 2:54 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
My WH didn't want to take the poly until he came totally clean. After that, he willingly took the poly.
Your WH hasn't come fully clean yet and is trying to manipulate you into giving in. Stand strong!
DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!
Athena1979 ( member #39393) posted at 3:23 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
He's Lying.
Honest person Wouldn't care.
Especially, if it means saving a marriage.
When you cheat, you lose the right of respect.
You lose the right to be trusted.
He owes you. You owe him nothing. Not respect, not trust.
He needs to earn that back.
He should pay for his own poly to start earning that trust back.
Married 11/11/11
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
You know perfectly that you can only change what you accept....never forget that there are two kinds of pain, the one that hurts and the one that makes you change.
Jospehine85 ( member #35971) posted at 5:09 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
He is lying still. He does not want to take the poly. He is trying to intimidate you into backing down.
Call his bluff. Insist on the poly. Book it tomorrow.
If he would move out because you asked him to prove his honesty, you don't want him.
Me - BS
WH - old
Kids
Dday May 2012
MoreThanMe ( member #25451) posted at 6:18 AM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Call his bluff. And yes, if the poly shows he is lying- you'll kick his butt to the curb. Take control of the wheel!
p.s. dont forget to ask him if he needs help packing the suitcase he's taking to the poly. 
Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.
fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009
I think I can ( member #17756) posted at 12:38 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Now he says, he will take the test, then he will move out.
Ha! Classic. He's threatening you to get you to back down. Don't back down. Have you thought about what your questions will be?
Next move--the "parking lot confession". Just before the poly, he will tell you another tidbit, then tell you "that's all there is, I swear." DON'T back down. There will be more.
Good luck.
Getting the truth is important. But in order to start reconciliation, his attitude MUST change. He has to own his shit. This is his mess, that he made all by himself. He has to acknowledge that he chose to hurt you.
I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 12:56 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Tell him to go fuck himself...
...then tell him to LET the door hit him square in his ass on the way out...
Asshat.
I'm so sorry LBTS...
Hugs,
Lala
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
jjct ( member #17484) posted at 1:24 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Everyone has told you precisely what he is doing.
The reason he is doing it is to keep you off balance.
People who are off balance are more easily manipulated.
It worked - in the sense that you're posting here in confusion and doubt, and you can't wrap your mind around it.
Specifically, it's nonsense, & you will learn, deep inside, that you cannot make sense out of nonsense.
When you understand the purpose of practically everything he utters:
keeping you off balance,
then, in time, anything that issues outta his mouf will become white noise, like the roaring of the surf, and your inner-self will tell you;
"He's just trying to get me off balance."
Be strong.
Afraid2LoveAgain ( member #11185) posted at 1:30 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
Rather than taking the poly, I would recommend having a truth chip embedded in his cerebral cortex.
When he doesn't tell the truth, the chip causes his face to flush, heart rate to increase, and then choking begins.
It only takes a few tests before he will begin to tell the truth.
I'm pretty sure that you can find them on EBay or HSN.
BW -- 58
Divorced 2001
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary
NeverAgain2013 ( member #38121) posted at 1:41 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
You can choose to feel confused all you want - just don't drop the ball on making him actually own up to his shit.
As another suggested, I'd save the $450, kick his worthless lying manipulative ass out of the house, and go get me a Coach purse.
Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.
MystiKay ( member #36401) posted at 3:26 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2013
He cheated. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. You are working on trying to save your relationship, it appears he is doing everything he can to stop that. you told him what you need, he isn't willing to do it, even though he kind of sort of told you he would.
He is blame shifting, and gas lighting and doing his best to turn his issues around. I am so sorry he is being such a jerk.
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