SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

After I found out about husbsnd's A, I started looking through everything, including phone records. I am shocked at how many calls there were from his cell phone to her cell phone or home. I pay the bills as they come in and I had this information at my fingertips any given month for 18 months. I never looked through the detailed calls because I never had any reason to. I can't believe how brazen he was that he could have been found out at any time. Is this really stupid or what? Do you think he wanted to be found out? Why not get a secret phone?

Yep right there with you... Did he never think I would look at the call. His were mainly text. Some calls but since they saw each other at before and lunch and after work. It makes me sick there were over hundred thousand text. And some were all night. And he had the gaull to tell me he was tired from working and all those late nights working.

I can relate. I never looked at phone records either. I didn't even look at his phone so he didn't feel the need to hide it. Changing her contact name to security was enough to fool me. I can't tell you how many times I handed him his phone because "security" was texting/calling. That's so dirty and something I really struggle forgiving him for.

The only reason I looked was because the credit card on his account expired and I logged in to update it. What I saw made the room spin and I could hardly breathe. I'll never forget that day.

I didn't look at the phone records either. I didn't even think to look at them until a few months after dday.

What I found was shocking. he was spending HOURS of his work day on craigslist and answering and receiving emails from people on CL. I mean,out of a 9 hour day,he was on his phone for an average of 7 hours. A few minutes here..a few more there..constantly throughout the day.

There were also a handful of phone calls..all made within minutes of him leaving the house for work. He swears he has "no idea" who these calls were to..or from. Ive not had any success in finding out who they were either.

Yes....they REALLy are *that* stupid.

Cell phone records were my only "proof". WH spent 4,000+ minutes talking to OW2 last month alone, plus 1,000+ text messages.

Checking his online account is a huge trigger for me, I feel like I am going to throw up every time I hit the end button after entering the password.

Too bad the text message records, don't show the physical text. I understand why they don't, but it would be nice if they did!

Edit to add, I was able to tell via cell phone records when they first started talking, and get an idea of when things became more serious. I am also able to use it to get a general idea of when he is with her.

[This message edited by mixedintherut at 12:00 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

I hear ya! It was all right in front of me and I didn't think to look. I feel like I could have stopped the affair if I had just looked but I wanted to believe she was just his friend. Then he got an iphone so I have no idea how many hundreds of texts he sent her.

When I finally was fed up with this friend is when I started looking at the phone records and seeing the EA. Then a few weeks later I learned it was a PA. He never thought I would look at the phone records.

When I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, I checked the phone and text records, and texted to ask him whose number xxx was. He immediately called and said that his friend, who had a number from another area code, had finally gotten a local phone! I didn't question it further. I recently asked H if he had a password on his phone during that time, and he said he didn't. I could have looked at any time, but didn't. I feel like such a sucker now.

Weird thing is, I WAS scanning through the phone records. However, until I told a little lie and made a comment about the phone company no longer itemizing records to save paper, did he feel comfortable to text. Even then it took me over a month because ow ph# was so close to a co workers number who was a man. Couldn't figure out why he was texting a man at work that he was working next too. Finally I looked closer and realized it was a diff number, then I got him. I WAS shocked at how he would come home and say he was exhausted from work, REALLY??? maybe his hands were exhausted from texting 50 gazillion times in an 8 hr period. What was really shocking was seeing my few texts sandwiched in between hers. Damn couldnt he have just one time sent me one of hers by mistake?

Same thing here.....10 months of repeated texting back and forth and hour long phone calls, etc. Oh yes...I felt like a moron and now I pour over our bills even though he has blocked her numbers from his phone.

I am still paranoid...I even wonder sometimes if he has another phone I don't know about...or if she is contacting him at work or through his work email. :(

I never bothered to check but something was wrong. One day I discovered the texts on her phone (figured out how to log in). She said it was this guy at work and it was just a game. Next day I went through phone records to pin the guy down. When I dialed the number it was a best friend of mine. BAM!

I relate to this as well.

When I saw the blatant cheating in black and white, it made things more real to me.

I was able to put their relationship into perspective, and realized how much time he robbed from me to give to her.

It was devastating.

God how I wish my WH did not have a company Blackberry to conduct his disgusting A. No records available for me to check.

Maybe your WH knew that you, like many of us, just paid the bill without checking through it. Did he even realize that each and every number dialed on his cell phone was listed on the bill/online account?

Did he want to get caught? Somehow I doubt it.

Hand raised here. What I saw when I finally got smart enough to check was anywhere from 10 to 20 calls per day to the whore. And that was just from his cell phone, not including the calls he made from the office phone.

It was interesting to see the daily pattern. Ow would call him every day when he was at work. She would call, hang up, then within one minute he would call her back and talk. This would go on all day long. Then at night when she was working she would call, hang up, and he would go out of the room to call her back. And this just cell phone calls.

What a dumb mother fucker I was for being so blind. I could have caught them dead in their tracks had I just not been so trusting. Funny thing is, as the years go by I could care less to check the phone bills because I could care less who the hell he calls now.

Waving hand wildly!!

I suspected, but never thought to check the phone bill because he kept telling me he was NOT having an affair and he loved me sooooooo much. Rolling eyes now!

Credit card bills with airlines tickets with her name on them sent to our home....never opened. Although, once I was tempted. How brazen, or stupid to have them sent home?

Never checked the phone bill or picked up his cell phone, until DDay. The GUT feeling, I had had enough. After seeing them, I actually was so angry at myself for believing him. Trust doesn't come as easily anymore.

[This message edited by crestfallen at 5:59 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

"Crestfallen"....like I said, all this is so very sad. We trusted them and they threw us to the wolves in the most brazen way. My h (as well as others) never ever gave it a second thought that they would be caught. So who is the real asshole here. My vote is them.

Double post

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 6:02 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

Ticked off

You nailed it....my husband said the same thing. WTF, I was asking him if he had a GF for about 8 months....talk about major gas lighting. So sorry didn't mean to T/J the thread.

Some days the texting was so bad that it's impossible that either one of them could have gotten anything else done all day. It was literally every two minutes for hours. He tried to say it was business but there's no way because she wouldn't have been able to walk across the room, let alone actually work before the next text came through.

Maybe they should have spent all that energy in US and their marriages. That would have been different.

"crestfallen" I am going to pm you later