Well, our oldest daughter, 16 years old and sweet as lemon pie, just crushed my heart tonight.
She admitted to her mother that she had sex with her boyfriend on saturday evening. When my wife told me I nearly fainted. It was the second worst feeling I've ever had.
The back story is short, so I thought I'd share it here in case anyone cares. They met this summer among a group of friens who all go to the saem school. He's a senior and she a junior. They officially statted dating in August. He seems like a nice enough guy, polite and respectful. He's a little goofy but seems harmless. They go on dates, movies, dinner, and mostly hang out at our house. His mom and dad are divorced, recently.
Since they began dating we told them under no circumstances can they be alone at either of our houses. They agreed to Find My Friends on their iphones and have mostly been where they said they would be.
This past weekend she decided not to join me and her little sister in the mountains camping and rafting. She said she had a test and a research paper to prepare. She stayed at home with her mom and studied.
Yesterday I learned that on Friday she and her boyfried were caught skipping a school pep rally and were talking in her car in the parking lot. A school administrator saw them and hauled them into the office where they were written up for violating the school policy about skipping class or functions. I learned about it yesterday because the new school email system for parents had not been properly set up on our end, so we didn't get the email notifying us of it that day.
Today I learned that yesterday it was discovered that she had forged her mothers signature on a permission form for a skip-a-day program for upperclassmen. She planned, she said, to take a personal day today to stay home and sleep. We knew that was code for "hang out with boyfriend" and didn't buy it.
Anyway, we talked with her this evening about this unusual behavior of hers. She's a straight A student, now facing an honor code violation at school her junior year that could impact her college acceptance later on.
We talked about punishment and limiting seeing her boyfriend because this seems to be the cause of her change in focus. She agreed, was teary eyed during dinner and just seemed burdened.
I went for my nightly run and got a text at the 2 mile mark from wife saying "come home". I sprinted home and when I walked in the door wife said that she was talking to daughter about her boyfriend and their relationship and that daughter just blurted out that she'd had sex with him. In her car. On the way to his grandmothers house on Saturday.
I nearly passed out from shock.
Wife is grief striken. My god she said that daughter just let her have it about being a shitty role model and a hypocrite and not someone she can talk to about anything.
I talked to daughter, expressed my deep regret for her decision but that my love for her is steadfast and that I am here to keep her safe. She expressed lots of anger at her mom, lashing out at her for being so closed minded and judgemental (her words, not mine).
Anyway, she said she wants to have a closer relationship with her mom if she can. I think they can.
Meanwhile, I'd like to have a few minutes alone with that boyfriend. I told daughter he's not welcome in this house, I don't want to see his face. I want to put an end to their relationship but I'm afraid that won't stop them from screwing around. She said they used a condom, and she is on the pill for regulating her heavy cycles and complexion issues.
Man, I'm just a broken down mess of a man right now. How do I process all this in my brain? I'm furious with all of them, including myself, to be honest.
No woman can break a mans heart like his daughter. That shit is the truth right there.
Helpful words are welcome....