DD asked me to babysit for older grandson on Monday morning. He is 3 1/2 wonderful years old. We get along famously, although he is what I call a "high demand child". Also, he is precocious. DD was taking my 1 year old grandson in for his yearly check up.
When she came to pick up her son from me she said "Mom, don't freak out!" she handed me a little white folder. "The appointment was for me, Mom. I am pregnant, due in May." as I am looking at her ultrasound pictures of our third grandson. Wow!
DD isn't happy. Either is her husband. However, they are looking at all the positives. They were thinking about possibly having 3 children, but not year after year. Both of her latest pregnancies were birth control failures. She actually had an appointment for a more permanent form of birth control, an IUD, which had to be cancelled and became pregnant before her next appointment.
DD and SIL are college educated. DD works a part time (HA! HA!) job at night when her husband comes home from work. They are financially strained as is. DD is overwhelmed with 2 little boys. "Mom, I don't think I can stay at home with 3 little children." "Oh, honey, I so understand." Motherhood is so fucking hard and so under fucking rated!!!!!!!!!!!
I hugged her and kissed her, congratulated her. We talked about all the positives. Reassured her it was going to be okay. I know how it feels to have an unplanned, undesired pregnancy. We were just going to have two. DD was first and she is going to be 34 in January. Six years later, DS27. Thats it. I knew my maternal limitations. I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks. I needed to have our children spaced at least 4 years apart and two was the max I could handle. Well, at the age of 40, and ten years after son was born, we had an unplanned pregnancy.
We were not happy. We saw freedom from raising children just eight short years ahead of us gone. The guilt was overwhelming. It wasn't the baby's fault. And so many countless couples desperately want to get pregnant and can't and here I am complaining about being pregnant. I had to go to IC to deal with it. I mean, when people laughed because they thought it was a hilarious that we were 40 and going to have a baby, or said "The baby will be a such a blessing, you will see" it was really hard to not either burst out in tears or punch them in the face. IC helped a lot.
Having our DS17 started kind of a domino effect, which I won't get into here now. Some very good, some very awful. The thing is, DS17 is wonderful, a joy. We love him so much, he brings so much happiness to our lives. We went to his H.S. Concert Choir's holiday program last night. There he was in his tuxedo, the most handsome of all the young men there and I was so proud and happy. Teared up at how happy I was. We shake our heads now at how distressed we were. If we had it to do over, we would definitely do it again. Except maybe 5 years earlier. 
*sigh* Both DD and I tend to lean towards existentialism. So saying "It was meant to be" and such is meaningless for us. We don't believe in a master plan, destiny or fate. We believe life is random and absurd and filled with coincidences. We both kind of wished we could believe in that "fate" stuff, but we just don't.
If you have read my rather long post, thanks. I just needed to get it out there as I was triggered back to my pregnancy and knowing how my poor daughter is feeling. Knowing that there really is nothing I can do or say. That never leaves. Wanting to make things all better for your children and so helpless when we can't.
p.s. Not only disappointed in being pregnant again, it is another boy. We both wanted a girl desperately. 
eta: to remove some extra words
[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:05 PM, December 20th (Friday)]
