Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: johnnygr

General :
Be Careful What You Ask WS

This Topic is Archived
helpless

 LostSamurai (original poster member #41347) posted at 8:50 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

I asked her did she love me today?

CORRECTION

I love you but not sure what kind of love

I was having such a good day, and some reason, those words just killed me even more inside today. I feel overwhelming sadness.

[This message edited by LostSamurai at 4:11 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]

I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...

posts: 1045   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Maryland
id 6682839
default

strongerdaybyday ( member #40264) posted at 8:54 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

Oh hun (((HUGS))

I have no advice for you, sorry, but I read your post and had to respond.

Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 15 years
3 awesome and beautiful children
OC discovered on Dday - born in 2005
D-Day Summer 2013

working towards D...I can't pretend anymore

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**

posts: 509   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6682846
default

nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 8:54 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

I'm so sorry.

I'm trying to learn not to set myself up like that.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6682847
default

norabird ( member #42092) posted at 8:56 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

This will sound like a distant consolation prize, but: You can love yourself fully. In the end that will be better for you than anything she can ever give.

Sit. Feast on your life.

posts: 4324   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2014   ·   location: NYC
id 6682848
default

 LostSamurai (original poster member #41347) posted at 9:01 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

Thanks... I mean I was feeling good and like on top of the world and she knocked me right off it with that.

I am the wandering samurai, and I found my freedom...

posts: 1045   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Maryland
id 6682857
default

tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 9:03 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

Lost - Of course it hurts, it's mean.

I hope you are beginning to see that she will continue to hurt you, and destroy you as long as you allow her to.

This ends when you say it does.

(((and strength)))

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6682860
default

silentscream13 ( member #41693) posted at 9:23 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

((((lots of hugs))))

I am so sorry that she was so cruel to you. I wish I had some sage advice. The only thing that crosses my mind is that she most likely does not truly love herself, therefore she may not be capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved.

Sending you strength (telepathically, of course).

ME: BS HIM: WS - lostmymind13; Sexting,OEA/NO PA (planning it b/f he got caught) w/ EX-GF; extreme porn use our entire relationship; Alcoholic (sober). D-day - 11-14-13 Together (on DDay):17 yrs (now):27-yrs; 4 Kids; Status: Reconciled...mostly

posts: 356   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2013   ·   location: Nowhere and Everywhere
id 6682891
default

Lethealbegin ( member #32826) posted at 9:37 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

I am so sorry she responded to you in that way. Remember you are a good person and deserve better than that!

BS me
WS him
OW my former friend and neighbor
Dday 1 2/20/11
Dday 2 3/08/11
Dday 3 3/05/14 {Fully Disclosed every lie}
Two little ones
Married 19 years at the time of dday 1

posts: 209   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6682918
default

suckstobeme ( member #30853) posted at 9:45 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

That's so awful. I know exactly how you feel.

When exWH was getting ready to move out and I didn't yet know about the A, he told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me. Then he told me that he wanted a trial separation and didn't want to file for divorce and that he was willing to try MC to explore his doubts. I was so confused and scared and hurt. I remember this like it was yesterday - I was crying and said to him, "I'm going to say the thing that I'm not supposed to say and I'm going to ask you and really beg you not to leave us.". He said he had to go. When I pushed him and asked why, he looked me right in the face and said, "because everything I ever felt for you is dead."

That still hurts when I let myself go back in time. It would have been better if he had balled up his fist and punched me right in the mouth.

But, you know what I learned from that? Number one - don't stick my hand over that flame ever again. If he was willing to say something so cruel without blinking an eye, he was not who I thought he was. And number two - don't believe a fucking thing he says. My opinion is that they bust out with the meanest, most cruel things they can say just to shut us up. They need to shock us into silence or else we will want to talk and make them really face what's happening. They will be forced to see the pain and that's the last thing they want.

I don't know if she still loves you. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know. All I know is that she is fucked up enough to want you to hurt more than she hurts. Don't give her what she wants. NC is now your best friend.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

posts: 4028   ·   registered: Jan. 17th, 2011
id 6682931
default

tearingaway ( member #28618) posted at 9:55 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

Wow, that's just stone cold. It certainly does not sound like a remorseful WS to me or one interested in R.

Are you taking care of yourself and protecting your interests? If not, you need to focus on those things.

posts: 399   ·   registered: May. 27th, 2010
id 6682952
default

Rebreather ( member #30817) posted at 9:57 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

I'm not sure giving an unremorseful wayward the opportunity to hurt you like that. 180, 180, 180. I know, I know, you are doing it your own way. But, youch. No reason to touch a hot stove on purpose.

Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Rec'd.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

posts: 8016   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2011
id 6682956
default

Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 10:12 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

Either she's too self absorbed to realize how cutting her words are OR she enjoys kicking you where it hurts. I'm sorry you had to hear that

BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

posts: 5738   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6682979
default

sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:26 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

One of the things we need to do to recover from being betrayed is to stay in touch with 'reality'.

One great tool for doing that is, IMO, asking for the answers that scare you most.

I'm sorry she's such a jerk, but you need to know who you're dealing with. Kudos for asking.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 31115   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 6682997
default

whattheh ( member #40032) posted at 10:33 PM on Wednesday, February 12th, 2014

It was good you asked even though the answer disappointing.

You have a barameter of where her entitled head is at.

Retired & now in 60's-M 39 Yrs-DD 2013-TT for 3 yrs (new details incl there had been 3 more MOWs)--all this started with porn use for mid 50s WH (felt he was possessed)~~Cheating and aftermath is huge time waste with high opportunity cost~~

posts: 1547   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6683007
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy