SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ok I'm just having a terrible day. 6 weeks ago was D-day...actually he had cheated on me before but he proclaims he never slept with anybody that it was just texts and FB. Honestly after all this how can I believe that? Maybe because he knows I cannot find any evidence so he prefers to lie and wish I forgive him...AGAIN.

I feel terrible because most stories I read here on SI say their spouse cheated after many years of marriage (which of course is terrible don't get me wrong) but we were living together for only 17 months!! This was supposed to be the best years. I feel like maybe I was missing something? not passionate enough or just not a good person to live with. I grew up without parents so I don't really what marriage means. I mean I just tried to do my best: take care of him, cook for him, share household expenses, we had frequent sex or so I thought (7-10) times a week. I just think maybe I missed something...???

Also, when I found out I left home, lived with some relatives for couple of weeks and then I found a small single. The first week he cried and beg me to go back, always denying he slept with her (who by the way is married and knows me, and their sexual texts were pretty graphic, so I'm sure it wasn't texting only) after that he backed up, never called or text and last week he started again, calling and texting me so 2 days ago we had sex...I felt terrible because I really think that he is not the man I want to be with. Anyways for a moment I thought that MAYBE we could work it out BUT the next day (yesterday) I gave him a letter from SI (Infidelity Through the Tear Stained Eyes of The Betrayed) expecting him to say something like "Ok, I'll do anything to fix this, to work it out" instead he texted me "we should give us some time, you are still mad and we cannot do anything until you calm down, I want to be with you but I don't want any fights, doubts, you need to trust me so we can be happy again" in other words I felt he told me "F U, get better by yourself and when you are good, come back" ???? He just killed me...or what do you think?? is this the way man act? is he normal and I am the weird here??

Lastly, I just feel stupid after I slept with him and specially after knowing what he thinks...I feel alone. The first 2 weeks were hell, then for 2 weeks I felt just a little better and 5-6 week is been bad...all my friends are nice but never been separated/divorced so it's hard for me. I just wanted to share this with you, thanks.

Honey, you weren't missing anything except a decent partner. Please detach, stay out of contact with him, and focus on yourself. His actions don't show any remorse or commitment to you. You say he isn't the man you want to be with, and you're right! He will only hurt you more, and you deserve so much better. So forgive yourself for sleeping with him again, but cut off. Block his phone number if you must, and move on.

I know it's easier said than done but it will be soooo much better for you.

And check out the articles at www.baggagereclaim.co.uk, they were a useful kick in the pants for me.

Thanks Norabird, I know he is acting the wrong way maybe because I forgave him before, he expects me to do it again...thanks I will check the site.

There's nora- being all wise and stuff

Angeles, besides doing what ^^^she said,

think you might want to get tested for STD's?

Thanks jjct, I know I was supposed to do that long time ago but I was so embarrassed/scared/depressed to do it, but yes I need to do that ASAP, will make the appointment.

Lots of people recommend Bitch Boots, but I truly believe you need the world's most awesome pair of Running Shoes...

Sending you strength and ((((((hugs)))))

Edited for hugs x

[This message edited by Truly at 4:25 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

Thanks for the hugs Truly...I really need those...even if they are virtual

No worries

I know how important they can be...those days where you can't even reply cos your heart is in your mouth...

Every virtual hug helps lift your eyes up towards the sunshine x

I also love the fact that hugs are FREE and FREELY given, best gift ever x

((((((hugs))))))

virtual hugs from SI members are the best because you know they really understand your pain

Angela, first of all welcome. Secondly, please know his cheating was not anything to do with you. He is the one that's messed up. Do you have children with this man? I ask because you made the statement that you are young in your relationship. I would never tell anyone they should leave but if I knew then what I knew now..oh boy things would have been different. If he's cheating so early on, do you want to take a chance on him. It's harder when you have kids and mortgages and families intertwined. I'm not saying its easier because you don't love him as much as someone.in a 30 yr M but its easier to seperate your lives when you are first starting out. There's just so many considerations and other people to think of later. Right now, its you. You can think only of yourself and not worry about your decision affecting others. Him maybe, but look what he's done.

If you choose to stay, please be strong and exact in your conditions for R. Make him work for it, if he doesn't, he doesn't deserve you.

Thanks Ostrich for ur words...no kids, we lived together for 17 months and were engaged (we wete planning to marry this year a...as I say it is not the first time but I tougjt that he learned the first time and he had changed...sadly that did not happened. I just expected after making love 3 days ago and reading the letter I gave him he was going to be so sorry and would be willing to do anything to save our relationship but the answer he gave me was not what I expected or maybe I am the weird one here :( don't know anymore

I can relate to your feelings Angeles85...

6 weeks is not that long.. you are doing all you can to get better..

very few people can just put the past behind them and move on after devastation like this... severe, emotional trauma can be devastating and life altering..... we need time to grieve.....

you've barely had time to process this...

I'm sorry you're having a rough day..... we are here for you!

I am coming up on finding out exactly a year ago..... and I'm a mess...

((((HUGS))))

Thanks lovehatelove for your kind words and your virtual hugs.

No, you aren't the weird one. His response *should* have been the one you were looking for -- not that arrogant, sanctimonious one that he gave you.

Running Shoes, definitely. He's wearing some mighty ugly Bastard boots, so your gorgeous BitchBoots can stay in the closet.

I read here on SI say their spouse cheated after many years of marriage

About this^^^......there are instances where a spouse cheats after being faithful for many years. But there are also many instances where the spouse has been engaging in cheating behavior throughout that long-term marriage and the cheater just hadn't been *caught* yet. So don't despair because he cheated so *soon* and start to think that there is anything wrong with you. Many of us who were married to long-term cheaters really, really wish that we had known waaayyyy sooner.

Gently, my experience was that pain got worse and worse for about 3 months, so feeling worse than ever at 6 weeks doesn't surprise me. What did surprise me was how bad the pain got and how long it stayed around.

There's good news, though - you can survive and thrive. Life gets good again.

Your fiancé doesn't sound the least bit remorseful. He doesn't seem to show a single bit of ownership for his problems. He sounds like he thinks it's OK for him to cheat, and he shows no interest in changing.

I agree that you made a mistake in having sex with him recently. Forgive yourself for that - just don't do it again.

You haven't asked for advice on what to do, so I won't say anything about that, but you know what's best for you, I think.

(((Angeles85)))

Thanks gonnabe, I guess you are right, I never thought about it in that way...maybe they were never caught! And I just want to feel blessed I found out now that we are not married yet and no kids.

Thanks sisoon, I guess I need to be prepared for what's coming and you are right he is not remorseful at all...in fact he keeps telling me that I will never find a perfect man, that all men do this and they are just lucky they don't get caught...uugghh I just can't stand his attitude. It hurts me so bad to know he is the same man I fell in love with