SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

6 years of reconcilation with some ups and downs, but I've had enough. I asked her for a divorce. Lots of emotions running though my mind. but i think this is the best decision for me as there is no we in our marriage and I find myself being the doormat once again.

I've been where you are now ... and (as my signature line promises) there is Peace in your future.

((((slicerboy))))

((((slicerboy)))) I'm sorry things did not turn out as you had hoped. Welcome to D/S. This is a very supportive and fierce family you're joining. We've got your back.

Welcome to D/S. It took me 2 years after D-day #1 to get to that point. Sometimes, you just know.

For me, when I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than with him, I knew that it was time to begin that life alone.

It's a hard road, but can be very fulfilling.

Lean on us.

What Williesmom said, word for word.

My D-day #1 was 12/22/11; I moved out and filed Thanskgiving weekend 2013. Sometimes there's just no fixing it no matter how much you try and want to, and you just have to finally let go for your own sake.

We've got you. You're not alone.

Thanks for the quick replies... I started researching the divorce process and the filing paperwork is dozens of pages long. Yikes!

You know how to eat an elephant, right? Same theory applies in divorce. Take it one bite at a time, hon.

And the only timeline you need to follow is your own timeline (except for mandatory waiting times). Move as quickly or as slowly as works for YOU at any given moment.

You will get through it. Yes, it can be a bumpy ride, but the payoff is that you no longer live in limbo, with a WS, or always looking over your shoulder for the next Dday!

I was going to post the same thing today. It has been five years for me and I am in the same shoes. We to reconciled, but my marriage just isn't the same.

I hope you find peace within yourself.

That's a lot of work - I'm so sorry that reconciliation never took hold.

I'm only three years out but finding myself in a similar bucket right now.

You'll know it's best for you when you feel the combination of fear and peace at the same time.

We're here for you.

(((slicerboy)))

I did catch myself daydreaming about not having to verify her actions anymore... that made me smile

Welcome slicerboy

I too have recently called it quits.

It is just over 4 years for me since dday, longer with suspicions.

I just couldn't try anymore by myself.

And yes, people here will help you out.

I'm sorry you find yourself in a M you cannot continue. I feel sad that so many years of trying ended this way and also that others responded feeling the same.

By the same token, you have found one silver lining already. Keep that frame of mind. You sound strong in your decision. Eat that elephant.

(((slicerboy)))

(I just have to note that THAT name could strike fear in many people if it were 'slicerGIRL'.) (Sorry, I'm bad, I know, 2x4 me. I apologize but the devil made me do it!)

As much as the D process sucks, it sure beats the alternative. 6 years is a long time to be suffering. I sure hope it wasn't all bad. But good for you my man.

You'll know it's best for you when you feel the combination of fear and peace at the same time.

Wow.. That sums up perfectly how I felt when I started taking steps to detach.

(((Slicer)))

I've had to focus on the most ridiculous things to help me find a bright side in this. More room in the closet. Extra drawer space in the bathroom. No clutter in the storage room.

I'm sorry R didn't work. No matter what, I always think it's sad on some level when a marriage ends. It's the death of dreams.

It sounds like you truly gave it your best shot. I'm sorry that it didn't work out.

Welcome to D/S. It's a great board that is super helpful.

We all reach DONE at different times for different reasons - the good news is once you reach it it sticks.

Be gentle with yourself. I found the disappointment all consuming after only a 3m False R.

I saw a great quote here once: "Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve".

Remember what you deserve.

So we talked a lot last night about ending our marriage. Lots of the discussion seemed like reconciliation. Is this normal? Maybe today is a fresh start to a real R and not false R? I don't like to think the last 6 years have been entirely false R, it's just the WS behavior continues so she just hasn't been truly remorseful. I don't know what to think.

I don't know what behaviour you're talking about but if she isn't changing behaviour and you've made it clear that it is a dealbreaker then it sounds like there has been some rugsweeping going on on both sides in order to continue R.

The sucking back in when you're on your last straw is called Hoovering and it is very normal. Not healthy but normal.

I suggest you read everything in The Healing Library - especially these articles:

The Role of the WS and Achieving Healing

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/healing.asp

Important Truths about R

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/truths.asp

Guilt vs Remorse

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/guilt.asp

Hoovering

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=480828

[This message edited by SBB at 5:14 PM, April 26th (Saturday)]