SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My situation is I've been seeing a guy on and off for about 3 months. I had many gut feelings that he wasn't being honest with me and finally got it out of him that he is still with his girlfriend/baby momma. They don't live together anymore, so he says, but they haven't talked about formally splitting.

I found her easily enough through Facebook and am considering setting up an anonymous account to let her know that he's cheating on her. Why am I hesitating?? Should I do it? Not do it?? What are your thoughts?

All I know is that I'm glad that someone tried to tell me all those years back...

A) you wouldn't have believed the person because it was anonymous. He will lie to her, say its some crazy person and you expose yourself because he will know it was you.

B) you think you would have wanted that but can you really say for sure? No.

C) you put yourself into the situation. You have deal with the drama that comes with that.

I say no. That's just me.

wow, I'm really surprised at your response.

A-she may or may not beleive but at least she will have been alerted and hopefully on the lookout

B-I did get an anonymous message in my marriage and altough I didn't believe it at the time, ex convinced me not to, it was part of the bigger picture when I finally decided to leave him a few years later. So yes, I do know what I'm talking about.

C-That's the point of making it anonymous, he can 'think' it's me, I don't give a crap because he's a liar and a cheat. Do you really think I'm the only one he's with? I highly doubt it. There could be many others who'd want to expose him as well.

I would, but that's just me. I wished someone would have told me how XWH#2 was before I married him, but he had all his friends/family fooled too. She has a right to know what he is doing. What she does with the info is no longer your concern. I think if more cheaters were exposed there would be far less OC and babies momma's running around and sexually transmtted diseases. JMO

I think she probably has some idea that he's a cheater. I might confirm it by letting her know, but wouldn't spend too much time on the drama that is sure to come your way.

Pffft, shoot me her FB in a pm and I'll tell her. Or her number I'll call her and tell her. I couldn't care less if I'm anonymous. And if it were someone I knew IRL I still wouldn't care to be anonymous.

Honestly i would say tell her. I realy wish someone had told me or given me a hint. honestly

I did it back in April except it was his wife of 14 yrs. I didn't bother to do it anonymously, I didn't care if he knew it was me. Of course the fact that I text him a picture of the two of them together with the comment "FUCK OFF" was probably a good clue.

She was very gracious, more than I would have been in the situation. She initially didn't let on to him that she knew, she watched and let him dig himself into a ditch (I wasn't the only one). She and I exchange updates every now and then, but neither of us believe he knows that I'm the one who outed him to her. We have developed an online friendship of support and encouragement. She is a beautiful woman with a beautiful, forgiving spirit. Last I heard he was expressing remorse and they were working on saving their marriage.

But,long story short...reach out to her, she deserves to know the truth.

Years ago I was conned by a LIAR who claimed he was getting divorced - but I found out months later that he was actually actively married.

Scumbags like this need to be exposed. Firstly, because the betrayed partner should know who they're really with and be able to make EDUCATED choices abut their futures, rather than choices based in manipulation and lies.

Secondly, dirt-bag con men like this will just go on to con another person, just he like he conned you. If they're not exposed and everyone takes a 'not my business' attitude, he'll just continue on dong what he's been doing.

Expose his sorry ass. When I found out about the guy I was dating, you'd better believe I told his wife. EVERYTHING.

One things to consider - most people have the default setting that you can't get facebook messages from people you don't have a connection to. So if you set up a fake account and don't have a mutual friend she will not get the message. It will go into the equivalent of a spam folder and most people don't even know that exists to check.

I've still done it when somebody I was dating was being deceitful. I can tell that my messages were never received/read because you get a little receipt via facebook messenger that tells you when it was.

my wh's father told me his son was not going to do the right thing. i did not listen. but atleast the woman will not be able to say no one told her.

tell her.

yes, expose him. However you need to and can do it. I suppose doing so anonymously saves you some potential drama. I told my WXH AP's spouse by finding his business email. I thought the risk was small for harassment so I didn't bother with anonymity, but I suppose I could have set up a free email account in order to contact him. If her FB profile tells you where she works, you could try that.

FB gives you the option to pay $1 to have your message go directly to the recipients inbox rather than to their "other" folder. This is how I contacted the BW in my situation.

So you just found out that the guy you've been dating for 3 months is a liar and a cheater, and you were the unknowing OW.

Why bother being anonymous? Are you really that concerned with pissing him off? Afraid he'll be mad? HE'S the one who should be afraid, not you!

I would contact her yourself, tell her who you are and expose the fuck out of this asshole.

Yeah, I'd tell her but I wouldn't bother with the anonymous account. Unless he has other GFs on the side, he's going to figure out it was you.

Unfortunately, I've had this happen to me in my first relationship after my marriage went up in smoke. I got an anonymous email and corresponded back and forth. She denied it. Then it became she was just friends with an ex. I eventually found it was the other guy. He knew about me. I didn't know he was still in the picture. I wasn't happy at the time about it, but I was happy to know and ended it.

If you're sure expose the prick. Whether she believes it or not is irrelevant.

ok everyone. I did it. and surprisingly she got the message and is now asking me questions! Ah this is nerve wracking!

I guess my only fear is what if she found out who I really am and that she'd come after me?? It's natural to want to lash out at the one who tells.

I'll keep you all posted how this plays out...

I did it. I exposed the woman my ex husband was cheating with to her (now) ex husband.

He didn't know & was very interested in the information I had.

I'll just say this---I didn't know my ex was cheating on me. We belonged to an organization together & several people knew & didn't tell me. One person finally told me & I am grateful he did.

I'm glad you let her know. It was the right thing to do. Now you can answer her questions, but remember that you don't owe her anything. If it starts to move towards drama toward the messenger, it's okay to step back. Take care of you first.

She wanted proof so I sent her some photos he had sent and screen shot of messaging. She has now blocked me from contact and I just deactivated the account becasue obviously there's nothing more to say. I told him that I told her as well.

Why do I feel just sick about this today? I'm having doubts that I did the right thing becasue I really just don't want to have been involved in all this. I have so much anxiety right now