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My oldest DD is currently working as a barista (until she lands a career job) in one of those little side-of-the-road coffee huts. Morning shift which means she starts at 5 a.m. Had a text convo yesterday that went like this:

DD: Had excitement at the coffee shop this morning!

Me: What happened?

DD: Had a stolen vehicle at my window at 5:40a. Nine cops pull up weapons drawn and pull me from the shop!

Me: Glad you're safe, but let me see if I understand this. Dude steals car. On the run from cops (9 of which are in apparent pursuit), but decides he's thirsty, it's early a.m. so why not stop and get a cup of Joe before continuing to elude cops. Cops catch him at said beverage stop, with weapons drawn, and he is probably surprised, right?

DD: You guessed it!! And the person they stole said car from is a very frequent flier here and we knew the car, which was new still with dealer tags on it. AND it was dude and girlfriend. But since I was in the middle of potential crossfire, cops pulled me out quickly. I had no idea what was happening as I was blinded by all the converging lights.

Me: Bet that woke you up!

DD: Sure did! Didn't need much coffee after that!

Me: Co-Darwin award winners!

DD: Definitely...

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 9:53 PM, August 27th (Sunday)]

See? This is why I hate people and am honing my misanthropic skills!

Wow! What a dumbass!

I'm super glad your daughter was ok. Holy crap!

But really? I just cannot wrap my head around that logic! WH would anyone think that stopping for a latte shortly after stealing a car is a good plan!

To quote one half of my favorite radio personality team, "Everybody ain't cut out for a life of crime."

That's Billy, from the John Boy and Billy syndicated morning show.

I suggest we keep this thread going by adding our own stories.

Like the many people treated at hospitals last week because they put sunscreen ON THEIR EYEBALLS.

Like the many people treated at hospitals last week because they put sunscreen ON THEIR EYEBALLS.

Please tell me you're joking....Please.... People cannot be that stupid...Ugh!

Brilliant story phoenix, thanks for sharing!

The sunscreen thing was a joke wasn't it? I hope so.

My brother recently purchased hittest chillis on sale in his country. He scratched an itch on his cheekbone and realised he hadn't washed his hands. I asked if he was ok and got the following reply...

"Yeah, but my cheek is red and my eye amd nose are running. It was pretty lucky really, as it happened on my way to the bathroom..."

That's a great story. One to remember.

I suggest we keep this thread going by adding our own stories.

Please do!!!

Woman walking a dog and her charming husband, after walking around two barricades, bright orange traffic cones, and yellow Do Not Cross tape, into the zone in which we had a Tall Ship yard hosted into the air and hanging by two lines, one of which was stretched across the closed walkway. Said yard was hanging over her head, and all were within the snap-back kill zone if the hold-back line had snapped. I charged them, and attempted to herd them back and around to the well-marked detour, telling them that they needed to get back behind the barricades.

Woman, clutching dog to chest, "What barricade?"

Man, out of his pie hole "You have no right to bar us from a public walkway!"

If it wasn't for the innocent dog, and all of my crewmates, I would have been tempted to cut the line.

Husband and wife googled "what can I not feed my dog". List came up of normal toxic foods, but no where on the list did it mention corn cobs. Dog had to have surgery to remove 3! Then had to stay in hospital for 4 days to deal with after effects (don't ask). SMH!

When I was in the Navy, I was assigned to an airbase in TN. Some newbie air traffic controller let some jets do a vertical aside each other and they tore chunks of concrete out of the runway. It needed to be replaced anyway so the base commander hired some outside engineers to design a new runway. The base (military) engineers cried foul and wanted to design it themselves, so the commander let them.

They got done and it was a beautiful runway. Until it rained. They got their numbers backwards and rather than a convex surface, it was concave. Two feet of standing water. They had to tear it all out and rebuild at a cost of many millions.

I was a supervisor in our local 911/Fire Dispatch Center at the beginning of my career.

We received a call from a hotel manager in one of our beach communities. A man was trapped in the hotel hot tub.

Apparently, drunk tourist man was in the hot tub hitting on the ladies who rejected him and left him to himself. Feeling frustrated he noticed that the round suction intakes, that suck water out of the tub and through the filter system, might be a substitute for the BJ that he wasn't successful at getting from the ladies.

So drunk tourist stuck his penis into the intake, which immediately swelled to mammoth proportions and couldn't be removed. It was very painful and he began a high pitched screaming.

The firefighters and paramedics had to chip the concrete away from the intake, remove the intake from his penis with diamond saw blades, then transport him to the emergency room.

When last seen he and the badly damaged penis were being evaluated by a team of plastic and urology surgeons that were trying to save his penis from amputation.

I can only hope the reconstruction went well and that he stayed sober on future vacations. I know the hotel's attorney subpoenaed the 911 and dispatch tapes to sue him for the cost of the new hot tub.

I don't know if anyone here ever experimented with bottle bombs as a kid but here's this.

I know an 18 yr old kid who will probably never be able to have any children. A couple years ago he and his siblings were screwing around with homemade bombs when he made a mistake and left one sitting between his legs too long.

The explosion shredded his jeans, underwear, and did massive damage to his testes. It is believed he will be unable to father children. So he effectively took himself out of the gene pool

Woman called the state highway dept to complain that they had placed deer crossings in the most hazardous places on the highway. She wanted them to place the signs in less traveled areas and direct them there so the deer would be safer. Let that sink in.

A verified Darin awards story is that of fatality from rocking large vending machines to induce them to provide a free can of coca-cola. The vending machine has a tendency to fall on the freeloader causing death or injury. Several deaths have resulted from this scenario.

We all know that robots will take over the world, but we should not help along them too much.

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My favourite ever Darwin awards story runs some thing like this.

An intellectually challenged man acquired a military surplus JATO unit and strapped it to the roof of his car. A jet-assisted take-off unit is a type of rocket accessory; helping overloaded aircraft take to the air by providing additional thrust.

Our young hero found a flat section of road and lit up the JATO unit. He soon found that the JATO unit produced so much thrust that such trivialities as his car's brakes were irrelevant, and he and his car became airborne at a speed of 250+ mph. The journey was ended by impact with a cliff several miles from its starting point.

The JATO Darwin turns out to be fiction, and was debunked on Mythbusters. It was mentioned in more than 1 episode. I was almost disappointed to learn that the story was fiction, it seemed so epic.

I'm never sure if I love Darwin Awards or really hate the fact that people seem to be devolving at such a rate.

We even heard about the sunscreen on the eyeballs story down here in Australia.

tts

Probably an urban legend but a cop friend told me he stopped a woman going really fast and she claimed the speed limit was 190....it was HIGHWAY 190.....

As a former ER nurse in a busy, downtown ER, I unfortunately have a lot of stories that could apply here that I saw firsthand. Some are quite sad, like the college kid who drank himself to death... quite literally he had so much to drink that he came in unresponsive. We got him intubated and on life support, the whole time having to calm his very distraught roommate who found him unresponsive. Poor kid went to ICU that night and unfortunately passed away. The sadder thing is that his roommate was in the very next night for the very same thing. Fortunately his outcome was better.

Then there were some that register in the completely bizarre, like the man we had come in EVERY 4th of July with something new "stuck" in his backside. The first time he came in it was a shampoo bottle that he "accidently" sat on. After the 3rd or 4th year, he just stopped explaining how it happened. We all would just shake our heads in disbelief. I can't tell you the large number of people we would see that followed the 4 infamous words around here... "Hey y'all, watch this!"