SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I didn't want to threadjack a post to talk about something that was mentioned in another post..

The guys on OLD, who are happy to date within our age range (I'm assuming you're 35-45) are in demand

I disagree.. I be looking, and get no hits.. I search for 34-49 without any luck. Any I be swiping right on alot of profiles that seem to fit my lifestyle and likes even remotely.. lol

I fall back on my thought of that unless you are tall, boldly good looking, or rich.. Women will ignore you.

I fall back on my thought of that unless you are tall, boldly good looking, or rich.. Women will ignore you.

Oh so wrong, LBC! My SO and I are the same age, he's not tall to me (my ex is 6'5", so "tall" is relative to me), he's not what may be considered classically handsome (but I think he's cute as hell), his bald spot bothers him, he's got a slight beer gut cuz he enjoys his beer, and he's certainly not rich (he's retired now and his ex-wife got half of everything). BUT we have many common interests, enjoy hobbies together and we are very active, make each other laugh A LOT, and just enjoy each others' company.

Don't underestimate yourself. The right lady is out there who will see all the wonderful qualities you have!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 5:43 PM, November 12th (Sunday)]

Yeah, I'm with LBC here. I gave up on OLD because nobody would even respond to me. It just wasn't a good use of my time. (For the record, I'm tall, I make an above average living in my area, and I don't think I'm hideous. I just think OLD doesn't work very well for some people.)

[This message edited by h0peless at 6:54 PM, November 12th (Sunday)]

I think timing of even meeting people to date is important. Last summer I had quite a few first dates. Then I met my exSO. We broke up beginning of August and I haven’t been on one date since then. Although frankly (for the most part) I am okay with that. I have chatted with a handful of guys who were definitely not my cup of tea for one reason or another.

I also saw a YouTube video of a dating coach recommend doing OLD with intention. For example going on for two weeks or a month then logging out. Not just sitting on OLD collecting dust. I’m probably not explaining it well but I thought it was an interesting theory that I might try

I fall back on my thought of that unless you are tall, boldly good looking, or rich.. Women will ignore you.

Nope. My SO is 5'11' (of course, I'm 5'3' so most people are tall to me ). I think he's adorable but no, he'll never be on GQ. He's comfortable but not rich by any means. And I adore him.

I'm with Phoenix - don't underestimate yourself. The right woman will love the hell out of you.

I'm 36, I am reasonably tall (6'2") And i would say pretty average in the looks department...

I would say that yes, based on what i saw guys our age are in a fairly good position to date. Obviously people our age are looking. ALot of women in their 30's/40's that are divorced and looking to start over...And in my area at least it seemed like alot of younger women looking for older men...

I think in OLD its all about how you present yourself, Who you try to approach, how you approach them.....and some luck too....

I've noticed height is an issue for many women, which baffles me. I'm tall for a woman and have dated/married nothing but men who are my height or a tad shorter. It definitely knocks heels out of the park. I've just accepted it because men that are taller then me seem to like TINY women, so definitely not me.

OLD is over rated and in my experience a waste of time. Maybe look for more specialized sites like our time or whatever, which is for fifty and up (not you, I'm aware) or bumble.

I would rather (honestly) have a nice man who's much shorter then me providing he has a soul. Height is not on my list of deal breakers.

...providing he has a soul

Haha Smokenfire, i've used this exact line regarding my kids: "...Yes, they look a lot like their mom, but they both have souls. They get that from me."

OP: I'm scrawny, not awesome looking, nor rich. There are a lot of women that would not reply to a message I sent. However there are some that will. It's all how you present yourself and work with what you have. Hint: be positive, confident, and fun.

Its like panning for gold. The places that are in high demand, you are likely not going to find a spot there, just too much competition. The places that may seems somewhat unlikely for gold, there is lots of opportunity there, and because of just that you may have a great shot at finding gold. Know what I'm getting at?

Keep swiping, sort later.

With the holidays coming up.. I'm thinking, I'm just gonna shut down the OLD account and try some meet ups starting next year.. I wanna focus on the kids, as I will have all of them for winter break!

I fall back on my thought of that unless you are tall, boldly good looking, or rich.. Women will ignore you.

Some will. Some won't. A man doesn't have to be tall to be attractive to me. I like him to be my height or taller and I'm 5'6. Good looking? Well, that depends on a lot of things, but for me a great personality makes a man incredibly attractive. Rich doesn't matter, but I do want a man who is financially responsible.

I'm also 5'6".. and on more than 2/3 of the profiles will say 5'8" or higher, otherwise swipe left.. I mean, I do not think I'm yoda-like.. and I'm financially afloat, and rebuilding.. but I don't put that on my profile.. or even try swiping right on those who list executive or ambitious or successful as wanted or preferred. I dunno, I have kids whom I raise.. not looking to add another person to that list.. I'm looking for a partner in life. Lol!

Attractive is in the eye of the beholder. Two of my closest girlfriends are also divorced and none of us are attracted to the same “type” of guy. One likes bigger, brawnier men, one likes guys with tattoos who are a little rough around the edges (height is irrelevant) and the third likes men with baby faces-very clean cut (hard to describe any other way). It’s pretty interesting actually. And we’ve all been out on dates with men who aren’t a match for ourselves but may be perfect for our single friends. Trying to figure out a good way to approach that with the men has been challenging though, still working on how to make that happen.

So the bottom line is not everyone is looking for the same thing. And there’s a lid for every pot,

I'm 5'7"...LOL

I would skip anyone with a detailed account of what they expect in regard to looks. That's superficial to me and really? Like what are you ordering a sandwich or looking to build a relationship. Some of the requirements are ridiculous, imo.

Just live life period. You could meet someone out and about. OLD is good for distraction, but that's about it, in my experience.

Most of the OLD dates I have had have been average looking guys. Looks matter for first impressions, which is why OLD is so heavily skewed to that. Once we get past that, though....looks are what attracted me to my ex so I learned that they are not a great indicator of dating success.

I am 5’8”. I prefer tall men, but it’s not a deal killer if they aren’t super tall. Last guy I dated was maybe half an inch taller than I am and it didn’t matter a bit to me. He won me over with intelligence, self confidence that wasn’t cocky, sense of humor, and personality.

For me, intelligence and sense of humor supersede a lot of other things. Unfortunately they are hard to convey online. I have accepted dates from men who seemed interesting and were duds, and the reverse has been true.

OLD really is a numbers game. A few luck out and find someone quickly, but I think that’s super rare.

If you’re not having luck online, your pictures could be part of it for sure. That’s not much of a loss, though...I mean who wants to date someone who only decides to give you a chance based on your face or body or height or weight?

Personally, from a female perspective it seems like many men my age range (I am 38 and prefer men 39-45) want to either play the field OR settle down immediately. The art of flirtation and dating has been forgotten and I think OLD has a lot to do with that. People simply don’t have to try as hard to find the next person to hit on and ask out on a date. In terms of numbers, though, it seems like I know more single wome my age than single men. But that’s my personal sample so who knows how it reflects the rest of the world?

I also know a lot more single women then single men. However the guy I recently stopped dating (man, I wish I had come here for advice with that one) had a lot of single guy friends. So they are out there, I guess. Just have to know where to look?

Just an observation, the single men I do know tend to couple up very quickly. They aren’t “on the market” for long and they tend to settle into new relationships shortly after the old ones end. Not sure why but that happens most of the time in my area.

Meh. With any online dating, the women get 50 times as many openers as men, so it takes some strategy to stand out. Most guys send "hey" or "what's up?" or other lame openers that the woman then glosses over along with the 50 she got that day alone just like it. Then she sees one opener from a profile that is done just a little different and inspires some curiosity, and the message that is whitty and makes her laugh. Between the profile and message, she feels something, and she'll respond, nudging it like a fish inspecting bait on the hook. Then the guy has to have a little more whit and to get her to bite so he can set the hook.

In short, without venturing into creeper territory, you gotta have a little game as man in online dating. Pics need to be decent and varied, and they need to tell a story. Basic descriptions of your job, your life, liking long walks on the beach, and selfies with your cell phone are crap and will get you nothing but crap results.

I didn't like OLD because it felt like I was trying to sell a woman a used car. I'm a person and should be worth more than a cursory glance and kick of the tires with some "flashy" profile.

Not that I'm interested in finding anyone, but I'd rather meet someone at the grocery store or church than online.