SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

In November of 2015 I discovered that my wife was talking, texting, Facebooking, and hiding in plain sight with the single predator brother of one of my 9 year olds baseball teammates brother. She was also best friends with his sister to complete the web of lies. I had a feeling that they were eyeing each other because we were in a really bad place in our marriage. We were struggling because like a lot of men I had stopped dating and focusing on my wife as the family grew and responsibilities exploded. She was extremely nasty and hurtful during that time which after a while forced me to check her phone log. It was insane. All day and all night. From the minute she reached her car in the morning until the minute she knew i was punching out at work @ 10pm. They would post Instagram pics to each other all day and as soon as the other saw it they would delete it.

I confronted her on 11/11/15 and she cried and insisted that it was a shoulder to cry on and nothing more. I was extremely hurt and upset but believed her "truth" because realistically with work and kids she never really had time for it to be more. Wrong but we will get to that later. She got in her car to call him, my mistake for allowing that, and said that she had ended it. I believed her. After about a week I checked the calls again and she had never stopped but the calls were less frequent and shorter in duration. I confronted her again and she said that he was a friend and even though she knew she had to end it she was having trouble separating.

The calls stopped in mid November except for one random calls 12/7/15. Through that time she was extremely angry and distant. We started therapy but she was cold and distant in the session. Christmas past and the on NY Eve of 2016 I had finally grown a pair and told her I was done. That's when things changed. She broke down and said that she wanted our marriage and cried hysterically insisting that it never went past talking. I believed her and bought in. 2nd mistake.

Over the next 2.5 years we stayed in counseling. She appeared to be remorseful and a willing partner. However, something inside of me kept me from believing that I had the whole truth. I was transparent and let her and the therapist know I was stuck because of that. After many sessions I started to get angry and frustrated and it showed. She was a rock. Nothing more than a friend.

May 25, 2018 I get a call from my hysterical wife of 14.5 years asking me to please be honest and tell her who else I've been with since we got married because she just got a call from her OBGYN advising that she had chlamydia. I was shell shocked and didn't put two and two together until the next day. I refused to even discuss the possibility that I had given it to her because I knew I was faithful.

May 26, 2018 my wife comes home from work and tries to again put it on me. However this time I had done my research and some heavy thinking. She proceeds to go to the bathroom and vomit then comes back on her knees and tells me she made the biggest mistake of her life. She didn't need to say anymore. i knew she had had sex with her baseball buddy. I went into a rage and walked out. My kids called me that night very upset and I gave in to sleeping home that night until we figured out what we were going to do and how to address it with the kids.

She claims that it only happened once on 10/25/15 while she knew I was in my usual Sunday position of watching football. She told me she was going to the mall, he apparently lives across the street, got in her car and took him up on his open invitation to stop by when she could get free. She did and the class act that he is had his couch bed open and waiting. She claims that she was only staying for 5 minutes but after she sat down on the comfy couch bed he kissed her, told her he wanted her, she told him the same, and the clothes as she says, "came off without hesitation." She claims that the moment he climbed on her that she froze, shut down, and wanted out but felt frozen and just wanted it be over. She left immediately and came home to throw her panties away.

She called him the next told him it was a mistake, shouldn't have happened, and that they needed to come clean. Prior to the sex he was all about her, how he would be there for her if she got divorced, how they were perfect for each other, and how much he loved her. Now it was I can't be the reason you get divorced and how can we be together after you get divorced because everyone will know. He insisted that nobody ever know. Thats when the shorter calls started because he was blowing her off. Essentially dumping her. She wanted both of them to come clean. He wanted no part of it. The affair ended there and all of a sudden my wife wanted me again. How convenient.

She has been forthcoming, remorseful, and is truly trying but I am lost. Up and down the roller coaster of emotions and looking for help in understanding my feelings. My biggest issues are the unprotected sex, he didn't know she had her tubes tied and ejaculated his STD infected sperm into her and the fact that she made herself available to him by going to his apartment that day.

She still insists that it was that one time and that it was never her intention to have sex with him that day. She is very angry now and is alleging that she was manipulated by him throughout. That she showed him all of the cracks and he filled all of them in with his sweet lines and cheesy country music songs. Hence the Brad Paisley Perfect Storm username I have chosen.

I can’t figure out how to respond to this. Your wife was typical of cheaters. Extreme anger at you. Lied like a rug.

There will be others along who can offer suggestions.

In the meantime stay hydrated, try to get sleep and ask your doctor for temporary help, if you feel you need it.

I am sorry you are here.

You can divorce your wife without the truth. If that’s the path you want to take out of this you can begin acting towards that.

If you want to reconcile I don’t think, and seems you may be discovering, you can do it without the truth. And I don’t believe you have it. She became infected with chlamydia 2.5 years ago and has just now found out with no complications in the interim? I find that unlikely. She went over that day with no plans to sleep with him? She may have convinced herself there was no intention, but I find that unlikely too. We are adults. We all know what adults do. Presumably your wife does too.

None of that will matter though if you want to divorce. They are different paths out of this hell. Each one comes with specific actions that further that goal. It’s ok to pause while you figure that out.

What I don't get is for 2.5 years she was checked out?

Is she using what you do know as on out or was the last 2.5 years just a string of ONS or the same OM?

Again she truly get busted cuz of the STD now and goes to a story the guy you know about2.5 years ago.....the one you suspected and she goes with this story?

Something is not right here...granted the dormant STD's and all... but I got a bad feeling about this!

She is a bitch for 2.5 years , gets busted now, you are done, and now she wants to play nice?

She was angry and had checked out from Sept. 2015- December 2015. For the last 2.5 years she has been in counseling with me and trying hard to fix the marriage and move forward. She didn’t get tested for 2.5 years because apparently she didn’t feel the need to. The STD was only discovered during testing for a separate medical issue.

BTW

I hope you are at the doctors right now....posting while you wait to be called in for the STD tests!

Ok I stand corrected.

Tested and clean after 2.5 years of unprotected sex. I didn’t understand that either. How could that be?

“She had been forthcoming...”.

My friend, you need a dose of “reality check.”

You don’t believe she had chlamydia for almost four years and all of a sudden it went active. Maybe possible l, but extremely unlikely. And when a liar tells you something like that, you have no reason at all to believe them.

More likely, she is probably still having sex with the loser or at least way more recent than she told you. Is she still friends with the sister? Probably, she was so sure that the POSOM loves her that she thought you were cheating rather than him having more than one girl.

You need to get an STD test. She says chlamydia, but it sounds more like the big H. I have no advice on divorce or reconciliation. But you need the try if you are even going to consider reconciliation.

First things first...

They had A LOT of sex, and she loved it.

Come to terms with that, then proceed. Some wives never admit it, until they are in the parking lot of the polygraph testing place with their H.

As far as manipulation, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

If you're married, you can't be manipulated into cheating, unless somehow you get hypnotized. She knew she was married. She knew she was cheating.

At this point, she's not remorseful. She even tried to blame the STD on you. She's playing the victim card. And here's one more stat to think about:

For the person that has chlamydia, the chances of their long term sexual partner being infected is 20 - 40%. Yet she had sex with him once and gets it? Possible? Yes. Likely? Very, very unlikely. I'm assuming you're clean, and how many times have you had sex with her since October 2015? Think about that...

[This message edited by GoldenR at 7:25 PM, June 21st (Thursday)]

Or she could be having or have had sex with someone the OP doesn't even know about yet.

This is a tough crowd here...but after all of us having been there....we just don't want you to be played!

Cheaters lie!!!!!

You need to do your own investigation.

If that means VAR, GPS, keylogger, PI, and even a polygraph. You deserve the right to be healthy and happy.

Do you know anything about the OM and who he hangs out with?

She just got it!

Go back in 6 month and check again!

I'm telling you man something doesn't add up and your old lady could be playing you!

Chlamydia absolutely can lie dormant for years.

As far as her being checked out after cheating. That's not "not normal". Many waywards act weird, depressed, introverted, etc, after cheating but before discovery.

It's always "were just friends"

Then it's just kissed.

Then it was one time.

See the pattern?

Regret at being found out more than likely.

Putting the blame of the STD on you isn't remourse.

From your description she sounds like such a wonderful life's partner aside from fucking other guys rawdog and lying to you about it.

I'm sorry you're here. Gently, prepare yourself for the fact that you may not have the whole truth at this point. The fact that there was such a long lag time between her affair and the STD is not great. In addition, the fact that she tried to put it onto you is also not good.

If this were an infection present since 2015, you would have contracted it. I'm assuming your STD test was negative? If so, I just can't see how she could have carried it since 2015 without giving it to you.

I'm so sad for you. Take the advice of other posters and take care of yourself.

If you believe they had sex only once, I have some swamp land in Arizona I'd like to sell you. He had his fill--and dumped her.

Schedule a poly, and watch a new story take shape.

Polygraph time for WW.

First, I’m sorry that you’re here, PS153.

GoldenR is correct. Chlamydia can lie “dormant” for years. That’s why it’s known, per its CDC webpage, as the “silent infection.”

Chlamydia is known as a ‘silent’ infection because most infected people are asymptomatic and lack abnormal physical examination findings.

Further, per the CDC, chlamydia is most often asymptotic in females, and is only discovered while doing other gynecological procedures (e.g., chronic pelvic pain, or pregnancy issues).

Chlamydial infections in women are usually asymptomatic. Untreated infection can result in pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), which is a major cause of infertility, ectopic pregnancy, and chronic pelvic pain. Data from randomized controlled trials of chlamydia screening suggested that screening programs can lead to a reduction in the incidence of PID.

It’s possible that your wife has had sex more recently with the OM than 2.5 years ago. Yet, per current CDC information, it’s also possible that your wife stopped any and all sexual activity with the OM in late 2015. In other words, if you want the truth, you may have to undertake a little digging (i.e., reviewing old emails or texts), or consider something a little more invasive, such as a polygraph, if she seems unwilling to give more information, and your gut is telling you she is still lying by omission.

As far as the number of times... it’s probable it was more than once. If you want the truth, you may have to undertake the same digging, or polygraph, described above.

[This message edited by Drumstick at 9:01 PM, June 21st (Thursday)]