Hi there LIFLNGCHTR,
Welcome to SI. There is a certain type of post that is pretty common from WS whose BS has finally hit their limit. In the face of perceived actual loss, there arise a whole bevy of panicked impulses to do something different, quick, to demonstrate to the BS that this time it's different and he or she should reconsider and give the WS another chance. And then most of the time those people disappear from the site.
It's too early to know if your post is one of those or not, though it does sound like one. And so I would like to impress upon you that these moments in life, the moments where the worst has happened and you are losing it all, these moments of reckoning, these are the moments when it is most possible to begin real and lasting change for the better.
You have chosen to label yourself as a "life long cheater" and by your history, so far, you have been. But in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years from now, if you start working on change TODAY, that label will no longer be accurate. Your marriage may or may not be salvageable, but YOU definitely are. You can become a self-aware, authentic, mentally healthy person upon whom other people can depend. You can be a safe person to be in relationship with. You can be a better partner, friend, father (if you have kids). But the change has to come from within. Not because you want to keep from losing your wife, but because you want to keep from losing yourself and your integrity.
So. What are you going to do right now, today, to get the process started? The path is in front of you. You have been milling about the trail head for years. Will you step on?
Proceed with conviction and valor.
Best to you from a fellow EvolvingSoul.
Me: WS (63)Him: Shards (58)D-day: June 6, 2010Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010NC Letter sent: 3/9/11
We’re going to make it.