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Divorce/Separation :
Divorce granted

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 Echo86 (original poster new member #69175) posted at 3:48 AM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

Divorce was granted today. Uncontested so it was very quick. I got the email at work and started crying. Was looking forward to ripping off the bandaid but it’s now off and it stings.

There’s a lot of unfinished business between us. Have made several attempts to cut him off but have failed miserably. I fall for it every time... the tears, the words, the “love.” Letting go legally was easier than letting go emotionally. I have a lot of work to do still.

Damn it, this is so hard. A year and a week separated and it’s not much easier today.

I’m going into 2020 officially divorced, starting a new job, 65 lbs lighter than I was last year... ooh wee I hope this year is a good one.

Wishing everyone in this forum love and strength to become better and to move forward one day at a time.

34, divorced
(Married 3 yrs; together 12)
Dday 1: 2008 - ONS; Dday 2: Dec. 2018 - AMPs (2x intercourse)

posts: 35   ·   registered: Dec. 18th, 2018   ·   location: New York
id 8485913
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Hutch ( member #70846) posted at 3:56 AM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

I know my words do not help a lot in this moment but I want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending a hug. Try to get some sleep and don't forget, tomorrow is a new day with new beginnings. I hope it's a better day and that everyday after is a better one then the previous.

Divorced.

posts: 246   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2019   ·   location: FL
id 8485914
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 4:05 AM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

Mine was granted a week ago. I feel ya. It's fuckin weird yeah?

I hope your new year is a new lease on life for you!

Sending you hugs Echo!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3921   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8485920
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 11:30 AM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

May Your new life e filled with joy and happiness and peace.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 14770   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8485966
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rebplay ( member #59205) posted at 12:51 PM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

Echo- I’m so sorry. It tears at the soul. I pray you find peace and happiness. I wish I had good advice but I don’t. But I have well wishes and good thoughts for you.

posts: 1022   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2017
id 8485978
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 1:07 PM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

Head and heart are like some stupid word problem where one is going 15 mph and the other going 53 mph..... but eventually they catch up. It’s sad and good to be free- your pain sounds normal, unfortunately. Sending hugs and wishes for an amazing 2020 for us all.

Cue the 2020 hindsight comments now...

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6486   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8485982
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northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 6:46 PM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

May the rest of your life be the best of your life.

The only person you can change is yourself.

posts: 4263   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2014
id 8486047
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phmh ( member #34146) posted at 10:54 PM on Saturday, December 21st, 2019

Echo, looking at your sig line, that could have been me! At D-Day I was 33 and we had no kids together - had been together 13 years (though most of them married). So I almost feel like I'm talking to past me! I remember thinking at the time that I wanted a crystal ball, to know that everything was going to be ok. So here I am with a chance to be that crystal ball for you!

You've got this! You are so lucky that you didn't have kids with the cheater, which means that you can go full NC and heal so much faster than if you have to maintain contact. Right now, the thought of him being out of your life forever is devastating, but in time, you will realize it is one of the greatest gifts. You've survived breakups in the past, with only occasional thoughts about what those XBFs are doing (granted, none of them were that serious, but you have a track record of surviving!)

You will go on dates, and if you go in with the right mindset, you will have fun! You will discover/rediscover interests. You will make friends that are so incredible, you'll wonder how you ever survived without them. You will find wild success in your job, now that you can focus on yourself and what you want. And in time, should you want to, you will find an incredible partner who treats you better than your WXH ever did.

My BF and I have had conversations about how happy we are for our past experiences. They've turned us into the people we are today.

The first few months, years, are tougher than they should be. But before you know it, you will be 41 and happier than you've ever been in your life! Keep going - feel your feelings; acknowledge them, and realize they are fleeting.

Sending lots of healing love your way!!!

Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny

posts: 4993   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2011
id 8486097
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 Echo86 (original poster new member #69175) posted at 7:02 PM on Sunday, December 22nd, 2019

❤️❤️❤️thank you all

34, divorced
(Married 3 yrs; together 12)
Dday 1: 2008 - ONS; Dday 2: Dec. 2018 - AMPs (2x intercourse)

posts: 35   ·   registered: Dec. 18th, 2018   ·   location: New York
id 8486342
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Newbeginnings24 ( member #71510) posted at 2:42 PM on Tuesday, December 24th, 2019

Echo86 I’m sorry to hear that you have found the D and emotionally disconnecting from your WH to be unbearable at times. You’ve got this girl. In the not too distant future you will thank the early Christmas present you have had, you just can’t see it yet. You are also incredibly lucky to have no children with WH. Keep focusing on yourself and make sure all your friends and family are aware of what role they play in your recovery. It’s nice to find you again but I also think it is extremely important to have people who love us around to catch you when you fall.

I have also been granted D this week and have been able to emotionally disconnect from its meaning. It meant so much when I was married and I never removed my rings, but now I have just replaced this previous dedication to thinking its a piece of paper. One that officially says I am no longer attached to the idiot anymore and I am free to flourish, whilst he watches. I am fortunate to have an amazing DD but I will always have that connection with him, which brings its own challenges.

Do all the small things that bring you happiness at this time and keep going. Like it’s been said before, you’ve got survival in you. This one was sent to you in a bigger form because you are strong enough to fight it.

NB x

DDay....it doesn’t matter, it’s in the past!

Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness - Katherine Henson.

Walk out of that door and don’t look back!

posts: 197   ·   registered: Sep. 8th, 2019   ·   location: England
id 8486996
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