This Topic is Archived
HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 12:34 AM on Friday, April 24th, 2020
And I am SO sad. And angry.
But hopeful at the same time.
I am sad for these two ladies. One of them I've known for almost 15 years. We've worked together. I watched her fall in love with her H and saw their relationship blossom. They lost a baby and I saw them grieve together, then saw the joy as they welcomed their rainbow baby. And now he doesn't want to be married anymore.
The other one I met a little over a year ago. She goes to my church. They have a beautiful little girl. After a couple of Facebook posts that made me wonder, I reached out to her and I've been chatting with her for a couple of weeks now.
I'm so angry at the WHs. Beautiful women they have. Beautiful children. These women love their husbands. And it's all blown up because of selfish people that chose to cheat. I'm angry because I know exactly how my friends are hurting. I remember the pain that seemed like it would swallow me alive. The blinding pain mixed with anger as my then WH walked out of our family to go live in an apartment and be single. Holding our kids at night when they cried. Trying to answer the unanswerable questions... "Why doesn't Daddy want to live with us anymore?" "Why can't he come home?"
But in the sadness and anger I'm feeling, there is hope. Because I know the way out. And I have a whole lot of friends that know the way too. One of them has been lurking already. I hope the other one shows up too. And no matter what lies ahead of them, which way out of infidelity that they choose, I know they will find support and help here like I did.
I'm not drunk, but I'll shout I LOVE YOU to all of you just the same. 9 years ago, my world was falling apart. I didn't find SI until about 5 months later. But I will always be grateful for the people who held me up, listened to me vent, gave me advice, and just loved me through such an awful season. I stay here so I can keep paying it forward.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
Breakingapart ( member #74151) posted at 12:49 AM on Friday, April 24th, 2020
Thank you for your post. In the middle of this shit show and I am not seeing the way out...I only see the pain and hurt in my children and in myself.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 8:53 AM on Friday, April 24th, 2020
This site is invaluable.
Too bad I didn’t find it until year 4 of reconciliation. I was on my own but had an amazing counselor.
This site is so helpful b/c you see patterns of Cheating and it’s eye opening. Thanks to all who provide advice and 🤗 hugs
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
boontje ( member #33247) posted at 3:32 PM on Friday, April 24th, 2020
I hope your friends find comfort and support here, as we did in the early days. Infidelity is just a big ball of suck that needs a long time to process and heal. The more support your friends can get, the better. Hopefully, they will be open to finding it here. I would have completely lost my mind had it not been for SI in those early days. ❤️
Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don't have the strength.
--Theodore Roosevelt
thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 3:37 PM on Friday, April 24th, 2020
I think had I found this site when my wife left (dday#1), we might still be together. Or at least I would have handled things so much better.
ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...
looking forward ( member #25238) posted at 3:50 PM on Friday, April 24th, 2020
I know they will find support and help here like I did.
I'm not drunk, but I'll shout I LOVE YOU to all of you just the same. 9 years ago, my world was falling apart. I didn't find SI until about 5 months later. But I will always be grateful for the people who held me up, listened to me vent, gave me advice, and just loved me through such an awful season. I stay here so I can keep paying it forward.
The above quote is for my H. Because that's what SI has done for him these last 11 years.
SI has also helped WSs, too, especially those of us who have learned the hard lessons of terrible choices, but also cherish the love and forgiveness of our spouses. ❤️
[This message edited by looking forward at 9:51 AM, April 24th (Friday)]
Together more than 57 years, Married 52 years. Sober since 2009. "You've always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself." (The Wizard of Oz)
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 4:57 PM on Saturday, April 25th, 2020
I'm so sorry that this site is necessary, yet so glad that it is here. I wouldn't be alive today without SI, and that's NOT hyperbole. So many of you here have talked me down from my most desperate and suicidal moments.
((((everyone who needs SI))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
HFSSC (original poster member #33338) posted at 6:36 PM on Saturday, April 25th, 2020
ZenMum, you are one of the brightest lights in my life. I am so very glad you decided to keep following that butterfly.
I was going to T/J my own thread, but I'm going to make a new post instead.
Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.
demolishedinside ( member #47839) posted at 3:44 AM on Sunday, April 26th, 2020
My heart breaks for your friends. The early days are hell. I pray they find the support here that lifts them up—the way that we all did.
I’m grateful for SI because I learned so much about life and marriage. I’m grateful to see that there is hope for a fresh start and for peace. Though I have not yet completely found my way, I have a lot of peaceful days. Without SI friends to share with, I’d never have made it through those dark days.
BS - me/3 kids
DD - April 2015 / SA-Jan. 28, 2017
DD2- October 23, 2018
Divorced and happy
This Topic is Archived