Kittycatkitty (original poster new member #86068) posted at 2:38 PM on Thursday, January 15th, 2026
Another row and us not speaking after me bringing up things that hes done which are wrong in terms of reconciling after his EA in summer. 3 seperate occasions I've had to bring up him still interacting with her since D day.
Found out over Christmas he has done a small favour for her at work helping her out with something she lost. This was the last straw for me and its all up in the air again. He just says he was being "nice"
Nice hey. To the mate poaching homewrecker who has come between us this year who he cheated on me with. Nice to the woman who hasnt given a damn about me. helping her yet he can't do things for his own wife. Like cutting her off. He says hes fed up of me bringing it up!!!!! Wtf.
I do not understand him at all and why he just cannot get it into his head. What is wrong with him??????!!!!! WHY can't he see what hes doing is wrong???? Ive had enough
[This message edited by Kittycatkitty at 2:44 PM, Thursday, January 15th]
Me 45F
WH 46
2 children
California
Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 2:59 PM on Thursday, January 15th, 2026
KittycatKitty:
What is wrong with him??????!!!!!
Easy - he's selfish, maybe egotistical, enjoys attention from a "new" female.
He lies - something all cheaters do well, or so they think.
"We are just having a casual conversation." (?? What about? trading body fluids at Motel 8?)
The walk on the path to total infidelity has started and you are telling us he is not respecting you or your marriage vows.
Do I have that right?
You are old familiar (old being relative to female at work) so he finds her more interesting.
Best thing for you is start the process of mapping your path through life sans hubby.
Read the stories here and you will get the picture by all the posts that are in betrayed threads. (JFO mostly)
Consider the time-tested admonition to inform the other (who doesn't yet know) BETRAYED spouse. AKA her husband.
There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."
GotTheMorbs ( new member #86894) posted at 5:49 PM on Thursday, January 15th, 2026
A lot of WS don’t understand the extent of the damage they cause, and how long it takes to recover from it. They often think that their BS not immediately leaving them equates to forgiveness, and that their transgressions can be swept under the rug, such that you become the jerk for bringing it up. Obviously wrong.
Have him read "Not Just Friends" by by Jean Coppock Staeheli and Shirley Glass, so he understands why NC is important, and direct him to the recovery/reconciliation section of the healing library. If you don’t want him to read here at SI, you can print some off for him. I recommend "What Every WS Needs to Know," "Wayward: the Work," and "The Life Boat."
When he understands better, he may or may be willing to go NC, own up to what he did, and do the work to fix himself. If he is not, take reconciliation off the table.
Good luck
