SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I posted here originally in 2020 after my husband was found soliciting by my then minor son. He seemed remorseful and we started intense couples work that we continued for 4 years. Over the past 6 years he has been sexually coercive and emotionally abusive. He would pressure me for oral sex when he knows I have spine issues and would say if I could chew and eat food I should be able to give him oral sex. Ironically he said the first time he was soliciting was because he was not receiving enough oral sex.
He left a few months ago for a predetermined time apart and never returned. He has tried to reconcile a few times and I have gone no contact. We do not have children together. This year would have been 10 years together and was 8 years married. I found phone records where he was activating dating apps immediately after leaving and still trying to string me along. One night he had over 50 back and forth texts with over 15 prostitutes. This tells me this behavior is not new and that he is just escalating. There have been hundred of thousands of dollars that have gone through our accounts and we have nothing to show for it. I am not a big spender.
Has anyone been in this situation and was your attorney able to figure out what all had been going on? One of the paralegals at the firm said this happened to her sister and no one could believe what all they found. It made me feel like she was trying to prepare me for the worst.
Also, the women were in their early 20's and as a middle age woman I feel like an old hag. My friends, family, and therapist are telling me this is the trauma talking. I know intellectually this is his addiction but emotionally I feel like I am not enough.

I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way but it seems that *for him*, a broken individual, you're not enough. But that's not because of you, it's because of something wrong with him. I know it sucks, I know it feels awful. The problem is him, not you!

It sounds like he is not going to change. You have this one life, please figure out how to enjoy it. He has the ability to stop, he just doesn’t want to. You need to accept that and let go.

I am working on letting it go and moving forward with divorce. I am working in therapy to rebuild myself. I think what is so hard now is new revelations coming out weekly that are life changing, such as an STD diagnosis.