SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I posted my story a few months ago and we are months into R. So far, it seems promising. I did not think I would ever get over it, but now I see myself finding a way.

TLDR - Wife had an affair for 3 months. Nothing physical happened but distance stopped that. She sent nudes/texts/calls every day for 3 months. I caught the affair about 2 weeks before they were planning on meeting up. I read/saw all the Telegram messages (before I knew what Telegram was). Some of the most gut wrenching, disgusting things I've ever seen.

When I called her out on this her life came to a screeching halt. She realized the fantasy gig was up. I told her I was leaving and I would figure out what myself and our 3 kids were going to do. At this point I didn't know everything and she swore up and down she'd stop. She did stop. But she trickled the truth for months. He was a pen pal, no nudes, etc. All of that was a lie. She had AI create a photo of her and her AP with 3 kids (we have 3 kids). She was on dating/hookup apps, there was a lot for me to digest. It was all a sick need for validation. But nothing physical.

My question isn't related to the above, it's for those going through R; how do you deal with R while also almost feeling bad for your WS? I'm still deeply hurt and I try not talking about the A often, but it's constantly on my mind. My wife is in therapy and almost physically gets sick thinking about her AP and everything she's done. She was at the bottom of a serious downward spiral.

I feel sorry for her; she breaks down into tears randomly and she's ashamed. Her mother who has had numerous affairs (I did not know this) almost disowned her when it was brought to her attention.

My problem is I was lied to so much about absolutely everything. I want to trust her going forward and I see the despair in her eyes but I'm not fully recovered (it's only been 4 months). So my question is how do you balance a truly remorseful WS, but also a BS who's not over it? I don't want to push anymore because I see the pain she has is not manufactured, but I'm still not over what she's done. It's a tough balancing act.

Sorry long post and rant, but figured this was the place to post.

I never felt sorry for my wife. She willingly chose to gamble our 27 year relationship for some flirting and sexting with a married coworker. She willingly chose to gamble our family's security, for had her little escapade been discovered she could have been fired thus causing our family to lose its health insurance.

She chose to dismiss me and my feelings when I confronted her. I sat across from her, a stuttering train wreck, and she chose to sit there with her arms folded and not one ounce of empathy or regret.

I was a good husband who would have given his life to protect her, and she chose to turn to another man because she "was unhappy with herself."

So no, I do not feel sympathy for the F'ing hell she put me thru.