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Forgiving MIL and moving forward 15 months on?

I still have a LOT of resentment towards this woman. She made out she was 'supportive' and told me I just needed to let H figure out what he wanted... then I realised he was having the affair. I'm 99.9% sure she knew about it. Yet neither her or H will admit it as I think they know the storm of crap it will cause.

My son was 7 weeks old when the affair came out. I had just lost my dad 2 weeks prior and the day of the night he died he left me to sleep in a hotel room with AP. MIL invited me round her house after he died, not once did she tell him he needed to stay with me, in fact encouraged him to go out with his 'friends'.

She turned up at my house an hour after it had all came out after he left me for her, asking for his stuff... just emotionless. Didn't even ask if I was ok. Made out I was the inconvenience because her son ran out chasing after AP after I messaged her.
I went through an awful breakdown after D Day. I was struggling with horrendous postpartum depression. I was getting threatened with social services, saying I wasn't fit to look after the baby and my other children. She was encouraging him to go for 50/50 contact, despite me having awful separation anxiety.

I've never gotten past it, neither had so much of an apology off her or any acknowledgement of what she put me through. The woman caused me so much trauma. I refuse to go round her house, as time's gone on I've realised the impact it's had on me but I think she's still oblivious. I have SO much hate towards her for making such a traumatic time so so much worse.

The anger is eating away at me, how can she do all of that and then just expect things to carry on like normal? Seeing the woman is triggering. Hearing her voice. Everything about her. Yet I don't think an apology would make anything any better, as I know H would have spoken to her and it would be forced to keep the peace. I resent her for not coming to an acknowledgement herself, it's been 15 months
since D Day. I'm not sure what I'm expecting from her.

Can anybody relate? Or am I deflecting hate onto her rather than H?

I had a very toxic mother in law. The only saving grace was that she shunned me. And that allowed me to have no contact with her. Without guilt.

My H stood up for me and he was no contact with her for decades as well.

I am in the camp that there are certain things that you cannot recover from and this is one of them.

Your story is horrific — and your MIL plays a huge role in it. With that, you can allow your H to have contact w/ her — but you do not have to do the same.

Or you can go low contact - see her at holidays, polite but very distant and no contact in between.

Where does your H stand on this issue?